Wendy's "To get it out of my head" Diary

Keeping_Positive

Thanks GR i really hope so.

dizzy_lizzie

Hi Wendy, as GR says hope everything stays good with OH hun.
Good luck with ebay and the books. I put mine on 'buy it now' and have a starting bid too. I've done better on ebay since using 'buy it now'
Wish I had your enthusiasm re: the baking. Just found a recipe for 'Millies cookies' on one thread (can't remember which now) and might try these out.
Luvz Dizzy x

Keeping_Positive

Would you believe I have put my foot in it again!? Said I would take the kids to meet a friend we havent seen in a year next Sunday, OH as far as new didnt want to go. Then on the phone I agreed to stay over Sat night but didnt ask OH first so now hes in a strop. It was selfish of me not to ask but to be honest I just dont want to keep thinking about him hes so neagtive I dont want to be near him. When I spend time and cuddle him its an act. How do I get out?

dizzy_lizzie

Aw Wendy I really feel for you. I don't know what to say. If you really can't bare to be with OH any longer and you can honestly say you've given it your best shot, then maybe it's time for you to 'think' about being apart. Financially it may be more tricky at first, who knows it may even be better, because then you'll be able to budget exactly the way you want to, but emotionally at least, you won't always feel like you're walking on a precipice.
Regardless of the arguing about you working away, or spending time at a friends, if there's no love then what is there, apart from the rows?
Did you love him deeply when you were first together? If you did, then there's always a chance of getting it back.
Take care hun.
Luvz Dizzy x

Keeping_Positive

We rowed and talked last night, I upset him by telling him I dont want to be with him and he said he knew. I do love him though. Still cant see an easy way out. He wont go and I wont leave the kids at the moment, he cant cope alone.

He has no life outside the house so gets jealous of mine and I resent him making me feel bad for having other people to socialise with.

Also I must remember he is in constant pain which must be hard to live with and be positive.

We have decided to spend more time together and maybe go for a cheap camping weekend. I dont see a way out so I stick with it for now. Im just being selfish wanting my freedom. Doesnt work when you have kids.

Thanks Dizzy

GirlRacer_2

Oh big hugs to you hun, your not being selfish at all. Everybody deserves to be happy. It's good that you managed to talk and it's a starr that you've admitted that you love him. My ex used to hate me having a social life, he was a boring manager and I was the life and soul of the party, we were totally mis-matched and the arguments it caused were unbelievable, so I know how your feeling. Maybe he needs to go back to the dctor and tell them that he's still in constant pain and see if there'se something else they can give him.

Is there any chance that somebody canhave the children for you to spend some time alone, even if it's cooking him a lovely meal or having a takeaway and watching a dvd together. Or go out to the pictures and a nice meal.

If you feel that there is no chance at all for you then maybe as Diz says you need to consider going it alone. You could still live under the same roof fo the time being just tell him you want to live separate lives that way you can keep an eye on him and still get to do what you want.

Keep positive.

dizzy_lizzie

Hi Wendy. Sounds like there's something worth saving there hun. A few days away would do you both good and you get to spend some quality time together.
It's hard making the effort and finding the time but it is worth it.
Keep well.
Luvz Dizzy x

GirlRacer_2

Hi Wendy, you didn't post yesterday which is unlike you. Are you OK hun?

Keeping_Positive

Yes Im fine thanks for asking, not much to report. It was a long day trying to leave early today but finding ways of putting it off!

Had a crying sesion after doing a shop with OH just as he was dropping me off at work. Its so busy at the moment and Im terrible under pressure. OH was great and when I did start work I worked through to 6.30 so had a headache!.

With boss tomorrow hopefully I can say the right words to him to explain how things are. Also sent him an email asking for a week in July off so I can rest.

Better go now hope your day goes well and you too Dizzy

Catch you both later
xx

Keeping_Positive

Todays spends ok 90p on vending machine but I did take fruit and a babybell into work so no lunch brought at Tescos just two bottles of wine and a couple of cards. A leaving pressie and thank you gift. Did use some point vaouchers so gained a bit back there.

Finally got around to ringing the bank to pay the £1500 so that and tomorrows installment the balance will be £14505.68 :T 81% of my debt at its highest. It is actually less as that included full interest forgot to ask for a settlement figure. Hoping to either book a cheap break away or pay a bit extra this month but have some more expenses to claim, holiday balance to pay, health insurance money to come out before I can claim most of it back:D . Several birthdays in July including DD2 who will be 8 and wants a swimming party :eek: .

Phew with all that I better sort out a decent accurate budget this month. Plan to set everyone a £50 spend budget for the month so everyone can see whats being spent where on extras. Mummy and Daddy have to stick to it too although the kids have to share there £50:p .