just told wife about debts

System

Keep us posted eric.

Bismarck

Hope you slept OK, keep us posted please.

In_Search_Of_Me

Just sending a hug. Hope youve had time to calmly talk things through...

JWF

Best of luck!

I did the same thing around 4 months ago, with the debts having been run up through a variety of ways including trying to start a business which was (foolishly, in retrospect) funded on credit cards.

Anyway, the wife and I are now pulling together and trying to find other means to raise some cash, and the wife is now working hard and earning an additional £100 a week which is very welcome. The emotion sometimes gets the better of us and we have had a few arguments, but generally things are much calmer and we've started a long journey to get rid of the debt completely.

Good luck!!

Puzzledbubbles

Hi,

I think that you have defintaly done the right thing, maybe you would be able to sit and do your SOA and look at it together to see how you can move forward.

I think you have just got over the worst bit, thats seeing that the debt is there, give it a couple of weeks and you will be able to see what you have saved and how much more you have paid off.

Puzzled xx

sony_eric

hi all,
its been a terrible weekend but we are pulling thro it now, ive reposted to help others

southwester_2

Hi Sony Eric

I was in debt of £27000, but mine was through gambling, which thankfully I have beat and havent had a bet for a year. Like you I was cr*pping myself about telling the wife but had to in the end as it was making me ill. She went ballistic and I was worried she would leave, but she didnt. It was an extremely hard few months but eventually we sat down, went through all the finances and changed things around to pay it off within 3 years, I am now down to £16000 but my point is that you are in a very dark tunnell at the moment but if she loves you, you will come out of it and look back and think what a prat Ive been, as I have and still do. If she decides to help you through this, trust me it will make your relationship stronger in the long run, you probably cant see that at the moment, but it has ofor me and I truly hope it does for you

Good luck and you can pm me anytime if you like

Keep us posted, your virtual mates help a lot

immoral_angeluk

You've taken the first step and it's commendable so don't be too hard on yourself. It's a hell of a shock to take in but just give her time. She'll soon come around.

duchy

I think the things to remember at this point are the biggest shock to your wife isn't that you've got huge debt but the fact you hid them from her and probably lied to her. That's a huge shock when you've assumed your marriage is built on trust and honesty. She has every right to be angry and probably needs to get that anger out before you can get to the next stage of why you felt you couldn't tell her. No matter how good your intentions you've concealed things from her and that's a big shock -not just that you did it but that she didn't realize you were able to hid something so big. She may not be able to stay and talk for a while-she has a lot to come to terms with even without the practicalities of the debt and the security of her children.
Sit tight -ride out the storm andthen hopefully the two of you can talk construtively.
She isn't going to congratulate you for wanting to protect her-she feels excluded and shut out of something huge that DOES concern her.
If you can understand why she feels the way she does it'll help.
You may have acted from the best of intentions of wanting to give your family a particular lifestyle but most women value honesty above everything else and now you understand that better hopefully you can rebuild some of that trust-as well as your finances as a team-which is what marriage is all about-being a team.
Good luck

OliveOyl_2

Hi Hun:wave:
This time, hang around, we don't want to see you posting in January 2009 that you are now £70K in debt

Let us see your SOA, and the experts here can [STRIKE]tear it apart[/STRIKE] pick it over and give you good advice.