just told wife about debts

carrottopsuk

sony_eric wrote: »

she walked out at dinner time and has gone to a friends house, im so upset i dont know what to do.

(((((((Hugs))))))))

You don't have to answer this if you don't feel up to it- I was wondering how you got into debt in the first place? Was it something that you both were responsible for?

What is the impact of the debt on both of you? Is it something that you can work through together? Or are you behind with payments?

falady

Hi sony_eric.

Well done on telling your wife, and welcome to the board! :hello:

Everyone on here is very friendly and welcoming. I'm fairly new to this myself, but there are many more experienced people who will be able to give you lots of advice. :T

The first step really is to post a 'statement of affiars' - see the sticky at the top of the fourm - which sets out all your incoming and outgoings. People can then suggest where you could make cuts.

Eg, I have just knocked our home insurance bill down by £15 a month (for v similar cover) by shopping around at the suggstion of the poeple on here.

You (and your wife) will also find it very informative and helpful if you can keep a spending diary (noting down every tiny thing you spend, even a newspaper or bar of chocolate). Doing this will show you exactly where your money is going. Do it for a least 4 weeks, preferably 8 to get the full picture. Many people on here continue with the spending diary long term.

Once again, well done on facing up to your situation. You can now begin to sort it out!
Keep us updated, and i'm sure the others will be along soon to help you out.

Ali

JoeHel

So you were paying bills with credit cards? £50k is a lot for just bills. I'm wondering if this is something that you both ran up together

sony_eric

we have been behind on payments, but i was getting on top of it. then a finance company put a ccj

kitschy

Hey there

I just wanted to pop by and :grouphug: you. You've done the hard bit, it's bound to be a shock to your wife, and to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if it took a while for the dust to settle.

But, you've laid yourself bare, the only way is up now, and with the support and advice you'll get from the fab folks here and that of your family, you'll get yourself back on track. It won't be easy, or quick, but you've made a start and that's the toughest bit.

Best of luck!

(on another note, have you considered posting a SOA on this board?)

xx

sony_eric

yes, but ive stopped that and cut the card up. the debts have just mounted up over the last few years.

monkey22_2

Just wanted to send you a hug:grouphug:

At least it's all out in the open now and hopefully when she's calmed down a bit you can sort your finances out together.
The stress of keeping these things secret is often worse than actually telling somebody.

As for advice, show her how you're going to tackle this debt. If you need help with this, you'll get plenty here but please call CCCS or Payplan for professional help

Good Luck.

heppy23

You've done the hardest thing I think. Everything else should be easier that that.

She's bound to be upset as she'll take it personally that you hid it from her BUT she should hopefully realise that there is more to you than the money you have or haven't got!

carrottopsuk

It's just the shock! she probably feels helpless and angry at the moment. It may take a while before she can accept it.

However you are not alone, this is happening in many households across the country.

You just need a plan of action, you need to work as a team to get through this, There's a lot of people on here that can give you some good advice.

Good luck

MissEyre

You have done the worst bit and told her-it must have been a huge shock, but you can get through this. All the best xxx