just told wife about debts

sony_eric

hello,
i've just confessed to my wife that we have about £50k of debt. i have kept it a secret for a couple of years and finally couldnt cope with it any and told her.
im not sure what to do now, could do with advice.

carrottopsuk

I'm not good with advice but just wanted to wish you all the luck.

How did she take it?

tifnstav

how did she take it? that would probably have an influence on what advice you are going to get.

but well done for opening up about it, must be a weight off your shoulders.

sony_eric

she walked out at dinner time and has gone to a friends house, im so upset i dont know what to do.

tifnstav

how did she take it? that would probably have an influence on what advice you are going to get.

but well done for opening up about it, must be a weight off your shoulders.

JoeHel

Well done you for owning up. That must be quite a relief. Maybe the next day or two are out of your hands and you need to follow your wife's lead in how things will go...? How did she take it?

Sagaris

Just let her take it in - it's one hell of a shock when you find out something like that. It might take time though - especially if she had no idea about the debt at all.
Have you contacted any of the debt charities or CAB for help? That might be a good move - and tell your wife what you are doing. Hopefully once the shock has worn off a bit you will be able to tackle this together.
Best of luck to you both - and well done for taking the first (big) step!

sony_eric

she said that our whole marriage is a lie, but i only hid the debt to protect her and my boys

tifnstav

sorry, i didn't mean to double post, but you can tell there are people here who want to help, you're not on your own.

she's probably just gone to clear her head, have a vent and think about the next steps.

did you run up the debts together or has it been for you alone? you are a team regardless, so you CAN work together to make it better.

JoeHel

Okay. Let's start at the beginning. How did this debt arise? Is it a gradual thing... holidays, new gadgets, clothes and general stuff on credit cards? If so, maybe in a few days you can get a chance to talk to her about how general household spending was way above your means but you didn't want to upset her or refuse her anything? Not that it's her fault, but at least that is understandable...

Or was it through something else like gambling? That might be harder for her to accept....

sony_eric

i told the debt on, but it was only to pay bills, just got out of hand.