just told wife about debts

Bismarck

Well done for 2 things...you've done the hardest bit, turning the corner and opening the curtains....and posting on here.

I've been there and it's not pleasant. You may find that the worst bit is that you've not said it before....in the scheme of things, it's numbers - OK big numbers - but there's the shock of the undiscovered truth and the reality and how you've tried to hide it while you fixed it.....

Please console yourself that this would have come out some way or other and what is happening now was inevitable. The reality is you can't fix a problem like this by yourself overnight and it's heart-breaking to try. You can save money through great efforts and it's all blown away with a "normal" spend from the other half....and you have to sit there and act normally...it's horrible.

You've done the right thing- focus all the energy you were using on hiding the secret into fixing the problem.....make every moment of every hour a step further forward out of the hole.

What's done is done...you can't change it...your plan and your future together is what you need to focus on when you see your wife again.

Good luck...I'll be thinking about you...hang on in there, you're not alone.....

lilac_lady

If this is the first time that you've been in debt your wife will probably take time to think think things through and feel that you can both work together to clear it. If you've done it before she may not find it easy to accept the debt situation. Whatever happens you did the right thing by telling her.

tigerfeet2006

Get a SOA up on the board and the experts here will have a look at where you can maximise your income. How to do so can be found here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=562271

Also contact CCCS and have a chat about your options.

Then sit your wife down and apologise for being crap at managing your finances but you are now taking pro-active action to deal with them and would like her to help you sort things out. Sho her the SOA as well. Maybe get it up on here first and get some suggestions on how to deal with the problem. You aren't the first and you won't be the last to get into a pickle. Many of us have been there. Just have a look at some people signatures and diary's. You will see it is possible to seal with this,

DADDYMOO

Hello ~ I was in exactly the same position 8 months ago ~ my wife found aout about my debts also £50k 3 weeks after giving birth to our DS2. Her reaction was exactly the same ~she walked out taking the boys with her. Now she does a fantastic line in snotty letters ~ just got me some compensation from MBNA and does a lot of the phoning for me to National Debtline.
Give your wife time ~ my wife is a user of this forum if your wife wants to chat to someone whos been in her position look for mummymoo.

In_Search_Of_Me

Just wated to say welcome & send a big hug. That in a way must be the worst bit for you but hopefully is a step on the way to recovery...
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan#help
Linky for you about problem debts & where to get help...
Post your soa if you feel able and we can help cut things but I would suggest you contact one of the free agencies to get advise and look at the bets options. The level of debt & its impact depends on your income to a degree - to someone with a huge salary that may not be huge but for someone on a low income its alot of money BUT look around at diaries - hypno for example has more debt that that & is cutting it down all the time so its by n means hopeless
Re the wife just give her time. It will be a huge shock for her & she will need time to deal with it and will possibly be angry, then uestioning and then hopefuly you can sit down as a couple & work through this. The debt is both of yours & you'll need to work as a couple to pay it off and that will mean some changes for you all. Not a bad thing in my experience, although I would say differently if you'd have asked me in Oct 06!!
Plus youre in good company here because the vast majority of us are in debt and slowly getting there! Keep us posted & keep posting!

carrottopsuk

I hope things work out for you. Let us know how you're getting on. Good luck!

beanielou

Keep us posted!

squidge60

hope everything comes together and your wife is ok after the initial shock must have been hard keeping it to yourself.hope your wife realises you did what you did for the best .x

bestmumof3

Hi there

I was in the exact same situation as your wife approx 6 years ago. My husband suddenly, out of the blue, announced he had ran up his credit cards and taken out a loan etc etc. Total debts amounted to £60k. I was shocked, angry [every adjective under the sun].

Told him our whole life was a total lie and didn't think I could get over it. That was 6 years ago and we are still together; also had another baby (already had 2 kids). It has not been easy; money is probably the main thing that we do argue about.

However, I always like to turn a negative into a positive and just used all those events as a tuning point in my life.

Husband had to sign a trust deed and I had to make arrangements to buy back; there was also a joint account overdraft involved. One thing, I am not the least intimidated at writing letters to companies or financial institutions. In total, it has cost our household almost £15000 for repaying the overdraft and re-purchasing his share of endowments and the equity.

I just wish he had opened up before it had reached that stage, but if that's the worst thing he ever does - well:):)

G-G_4

good luck xxx