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I am not trying hard....

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I am not trying hard....

edited 30 November -1 at 12:00AM in Debt-Free Wannabe
218 replies 22.4K views
deliciosadeliciosa Forumite
744 posts
edited 30 November -1 at 12:00AM in Debt-Free Wannabe
I realised something today. I have been telling myself for the last year that it's not fair that I am in debt, that I am trying so hard, that it's not working out, it's all other people's fault. Actually, who am I fooling.

I am not trying so hard. At least I wasn't , until very recently. Unlike most of this forum, my debt never gave me the sort of headache it gives to other people. I could always afford paying back the minimum etc. I thought of DWF-ing as a new fun hobby, intoxicated by success, then dissappointed by failure, it has never been a matter of life and death to me. Yes, true, I did all the Martin "cut back" etc, but I wasn't stretching myself. I wasn't trying so hard. That's why, after a year, I am still in debt! I am still as much in debt as I was before. I bought myself expensive holiday, and then I came here crying that I am in debt - well shame on me.

And as for it not being fair - it is fair. I could have bought budget airline ticket s instead of British Airways, even if the saving is only £20. I could have taken the tube to the Heathrow and not the paddington express. I could have bothered to buy diet cokes at tesco for £2.55 per six cans than a can for 80p at the corner shop, because that 30p DOES make a difference.

Over the last few days I have been reading the forum and other people's stories extensively. And even though I have been here for a year, I realised, I still had no clue about what a DWF is. I see people in broken homes, having sleepless nights and I am ashamed, ashamed that even though my debt is manageable, compared to them, I still can't get rid of it, even though I could have, over the last year. Yes, if I hadn't done the middle eastern holiday, the trip with my sister, and if only I had spent just £50 less a month than I did, and I could have, I would be debt free now! And here I am, with $4000 debt.

I don't want to be part of the "debt free wannabe-trend". I dont want to come here and celebrate my debt and pretend that I am miserable and trying too hard, when I am actually not, and loads of people here are. I want to be a real DFW. A real debt free wannabe. I want to see the number £4000 every tijme I open my purse to pay for something. I want to realise that every time I spend money, I am borrowing money, until that £4000 is paid back. I need to realise that if I want to be debt free, I have to pay back my debt, and that I can only do by not spending my money. This sounds simple, but for me it wasn't. My life was about allowing myself this, and that, and treating myself to this little thing, and that meal out... and then coming here and moaning about how unfair life is. (so if it happens again, someone pinch me, please!).

There are people here whose debt is unfair. Bank charges, circumstances, debt collection agencies, lost job, etc.... My debt is NOT unfair. I was spending beyond my means, I have spent every penny myself, I have enjoyed every single item I bought MYSELF. I am the one who brought it on me, and I am the one who needs to make it go away. It's not unfair, it's my doing, it's my fault. Finally I realise this. I a the one who was stupid and not my boss, my friends, or Martin, or you, here, in the forum!

I need to put an end to this. I need to pay back this £4000 that I owe and get my life back on the track. I am sick and tired of my own excuses, my own mistakes, and I am sick and tired of my ungratefulness that complete strangers here try to help me with their whole heart and I am letting them down, and letting myself down. I am tired of the feeling I get on payday when I distribute my money to my cards, paying back part of the debt, realising that I have not received any money at all, again, because it's not mine.. and then spending on those cards for a dvd, because that takes me out of the reality, or on food, because that gives me instant happiness, or expensive holidays,, to show to the world that I am fine. I am not fine, I am in debt, I have done this to myself and I will sort this out.

Just wanted to write this out of myself. Things will change from now on. I will show everyone here, that I can and will be debt free. This year. By September, preferably. don't know how - actually, I have a simple plan. I will only spend my money on what is cheap and essential. I will not moan about my debt but work on it so it dissappears. And I will constantly read other people's stories to remind myself how lucky I am that this forum and you lovely people found me in time, before things got really serious.

Thanks for reading it.

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Total debt £3625.07. :o
Goals: 1.) DFD December 2008 (snowball) / October 2008 (me:o ) 2.) Salary £30kpa (currently £26450pa) 3.) Slim down to 55kg (currently 68kg :( ) 4.) Start stoozing :j
I do not NEED that DVD Tough love club Member #1
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Replies

  • Well donefor realising this - if you keep this in mind you will be debt free in no time. I am ashamed to say a lot of what you said applies to me too.

    To spur you on, I'll kick your @rse if you kick mine!
    :D GOD BLESS DURAN DURAN :D
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no 293 Proud to be dealing with my debts
    March NSD 5/10 March Make £5 Day £99.28/£155
  • Well donefor realising this - if you keep this in mind you will be debt free in no time. I am ashamed to say a lot of what you said applies to me too.

    To spur you on, I'll kick your @rse if you kick mine!

    It's a deal :j
    Total debt £3625.07. :o
    Goals: 1.) DFD December 2008 (snowball) / October 2008 (me:o ) 2.) Salary £30kpa (currently £26450pa) 3.) Slim down to 55kg (currently 68kg :( ) 4.) Start stoozing :j
    I do not NEED that DVD Tough love club Member #1
  • neverdespairgirlneverdespairgirl Forumite
    16.5K posts
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    What a wonderful post - you can do it!
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • This applies to me too :o
    Your words ring so true. Hopefully my 'problems' will be sorted by the end of this year also

    Good luck

    XX

  • Here starteth the DFW ten commandments....

    1) Thou shalt not spend money that thou doesn't have!
    ...Linda xx
    It's easy to give in to that negative voice that chants "cant do it" BUT we lift each other up.
    We dont count all the runners ahead of us & feel intimidated.
    Instead we look back proudly at our journey, our personal struggle & determination & remember that there are those that never even attempt to reach the starting line.
  • CAFCGirlCAFCGirl Forumite
    8.8K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    ✭✭✭✭
    OH MY GOD!

    Del' it's like you've just crawled into my head and written that all out...

    I haven't tried nearly as hard as I could, have let myself be tempted and then made out I'm really giving it my all!

    Thankyou and well done on having the strength to say it out loud. I think you should be so proud of yourself..... xx
    One income, home educating family life
    Fashion On The Ration Coupons 2019 46\66 Excess Spent 28/2/2020 YARN
    Fashion On The Ration Coupons 2020 0/66
  • CAFCGirlCAFCGirl Forumite
    8.8K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    ✭✭✭✭
    deliciosa wrote: »
    It's a deal :j

    Can you kick my a$$ too?:rotfl:
    One income, home educating family life
    Fashion On The Ration Coupons 2019 46\66 Excess Spent 28/2/2020 YARN
    Fashion On The Ration Coupons 2020 0/66
  • skint_spiceskint_spice Forumite
    11.3K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Good luck - it sounds like you are determined now. Bet you can do it really quickly now you've got the motivation. x
    £5000 by December 2020 £844/5000
  • Sea78Sea78 Forumite
    6.2K posts
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Well done for admitting all that! I also am int he category of the debt is all my own fault. Yes, I could (and should) be doing more to battle it and get rid of it faster. Coming on here reminds me of that! :)
    CCCS DMP:Feb 07
    Total:£[strike]37,016.47[/strike]£0 DEBT FREE FEB 14 :j
  • HairyHandofDartmoorHairyHandofDartmoor Forumite
    11.9K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Your post is a really good one and will probably strike a chord with many on here! I know it did with me, as I am very similar to you.

    I go through periods of only spending on what is essential, and then I start to slip into buying the odd thing that I could manage without, but convince myself that I need, and then it's a slippery slope. Before I know it my debt is going up again!

    It is really hard never to spend on anything but bills and food when everyone around you, everyone you know seems to be spending like mad; going on holiday, buying furniture, having their kitchen done, buying tickets to an expensive show. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person I know who is short of money. But maybe some of the spenders I know are short of money and are just spending anyway! That was true of me before christmas.

    I really hope you can stick to it Deliciosa, and your words have inspired me to try harder too.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £2,000/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £50/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £144.37/£500
    PREMIUM BONDS ME = £300. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300
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