Leaving the workplace to 'work' at home

Lizzieanne

tru wrote: »

I have a small biz so I work from home, I also work for a friend but that's on remote access so that's done at home too (tho that job's only 5 hours per week lol).

I have the same problem as Lizzieanne, people assume you're doing nothing all day and so can be available for favours, etc. I have kids but they've left school so people think I should be working full time :rolleyes:

I'm like Mary Poppins - I never explain myself to anyone

If you MUST explain (please don't, lol) then tell them that you're not going to knock yourself out just to make rich companies richer, then come home and bung unhealthy ready meals (another make-rich-companies-richer plot) in the microwave cos you're too tired to cook and anyway you don't have time to cook because of all the housework that needs doing (with expensive fancy sprays - you'll probably be using them cos they're convenient - that make-rich-companies-richer). And the way you'll be living, you'll be saving (as in not spending) half of your old salary anyway. No more paying for bus fares/petrol and parking for a start.

Watch their faces drop

:T Too true! I'm going to try that one.

In the meantime, a message to everyone - stay at home Mums, whether they be single or with a partner; single working women with no kids; married working women with no kids; working Mums (full or part time) - let's be proud of what we do and, more importantly, try and bite our tongues when we feel a comment coming on about how easy someone else has it.
Some things we choose in life, other things are dumped in our laps. We all moan at times (especially me!) but it's real skill to 'want what you get' rather than 'get what you want'.
I for one am pleased for anyone who is genuinely happy with their lot, whatever that may be.
:beer:

champys

tru wrote: »

I have a small biz so I work from home, I also work for a friend but that's on remote access so that's done at home too (tho that job's only 5 hours per week lol).

I have the same problem as Lizzieanne, people assume you're doing nothing all day and so can be available for favours, etc. I have kids but they've left school so people think I should be working full time :rolleyes:

I'm like Mary Poppins - I never explain myself to anyone

I also work from home, and only part-time (20 hrs!) and even worse, OH has given up paid work altogether. so my 20 hrs are the entire breadwinning income. Like tru, I never explain or justify myself, and I totally ignore the raised eyebrows.

After both having had stressfull careers, we chose time-richness over money-richness, and I marvel about it still every day. Sadly we have no kids (a result of my expat career), but in reality if we did have them we could not afford to live like this. We now prefer to do unpaid work whenever it comes along, such as volunteering or helping out in the community, which is so much more rewarding. OH was able to help and spend time with each of his parents during the final months before they died. Having more time means being able to give more of it to others.... and it is a lot more valuable than expensive gifts! And yes, giving time to your children if you have them is the ultimate gift you can give them.

We also believe that the less we buy and the less we fly, we help the environment - at least a little. As keen cyclists, we actually prefer taking our holiday on our bikes with our tent in the panniers rather than in a hotel in the Far East. It may look cheap to some, but we love it!

We are all different, and all need a different mix of time and money. So whichever way you choose to do it, as long as you are aware of WHY you do it (and you are not doing it because of peer pressure, keeping up with the neighbours or because of 'what others will think'), you are doing the right thing.

Alfietinker

I just wanted to say what an eye opener this thread is!

I start my maternity leave at beginning of April, giving me 4 weeks before baby no. 1 comes along. (Oh bliss!) I have never had any intention of going back to work after my leave finishes, preferring to spend the time enjoying the little one - at least until playschool when I can look for something locally which will not involve paying for childcare. It will be tough financially but we have always been frugal enough to ensure we can manage the mortgage/bills on hubby's wage with a little left over each month to save.

I had no idea that people could/would be so judgemental of my decision, seeing other people's experiences of snide remarks is somewhat shocking!

I have a 4 hour return commute to work each day, no family who could provide child care (and I wouldn't want to obligate anyone either). So why on earth would I want to continue that, paying half the wages to a nursery, spending a fortune in petrol and being too knackered when I return home each day to enjoy the kid - after sorting out the chores.

No thanks. SAHM for me.

The hardest thing, for me personally, will be a sense of losing my financial independence. It will be very strange not having my own wages each month, free to do as I please. So if I feel I can cope, after finishing breast feeding etc, I will try to look for something just to give me a bit of independence, maybe a couple of evenings a week or something. People may think I've wasted all my education and career, but bringing up a family is more important to me. If people think I'm a chavvy mum, wasting my time sitting doing nothing at home, then clearly they are the uneducated ones.

Rant over!

HariboJunkie

liney wrote: »

I belive Liz Jones was just pointing out that we women chose one thing 'Work' then complain, go overboard with the 'Domestic Goddess' stuff, have babies and then tell all their working friends how difficult it is, so how their exisitance must be more valid because their friends 'only' go to work. "And before full-time mums write in to tell me how hard bringing up three small children under three actually is, much harder than sitting in an office, I don't care. You chose to have them.)"

Having been a full time worker, a SAHM and now having a perfect combination of Part time work and Homely duties, i can see where she is comming from in some respects. Let my husband deal with finances? Pft. My job to bring up the children? Pft, it's our job.

For these homemakers who are judjing her as a working woman, then you should not be so sensitive when people judge you as a Housewife. Her opinions are just as valid as yours. We are all wired up differently; some women would hate to be at home all day, and some would hate to work full time, but we are all supposed to be on the same team.

Ok....I'm going to try really hard not to get into a debate on Liz Jones herself but I will say that her article wasn't about bringing up fair points. It was a sweeping generalisation. At no stage did she admit that there are women out there who make staying at home a full time valuable job.
Of course there will be women who take advantage of being at home to do nothing much and rely on their husbands to run everything. They may also indulge their husbands. I know one woman like this but that's all.

I am seen as old fashioned but for me what works is working very casual hours for my OH's business, doing all the cooking, cleaning and general housework and being the predominant care provider. I do not, as Liz Jones suggests, spoil my children nor do I intend to work my husband into an early grave. He gets very vauable time off in the evenings and weekends. My day is less structured than his but I have no doubt that we work more or less equal hours.
And for the record... I control both the household and business finances to free up OH's time to concentrate on making money.

I realy don't think I've taken the easy option in being a SAHM. :rolleyes: I work damn hard and there are lots of things about the workplace that I miss but yes Ms Jones, It's my choice.

Like I say.... It's her sweeping generalisations I object to and the fact that she really has no experience of what she's talking about. It was an unneccesarily aggressive piece in my opinion and realy unhelpful to those of us who make a lifestyle choice which suits our whole family, not just ourselves.

She has no right to judge SAHMs any more than I would have the right to judge working women.

tattycath

Hi. i would love to be a SAHM too, but funds won't allow at the moment. The people who turn their noses up at SAHMs and look down on them are not worth even thinking about. Real friends and people who matter understand that:
a) it doesn't do for everyone to be the same
b) don't turn their noses up or think you're not doing anything worthwhile.
Go for it!!!

rosh12

I never in a million years thought I'd be a stay at home mum (never thought I really wanted to get married, or have children!) but here I am married with a baby girl! And my maternity leave is running out imminently, and although I am looking for a job I haven't yet found one so technically I am a housewife / SAHM / home maker - none of which I like- sorry!

It's really hard though as I never realised how much of my identity comes from what we do all day. I never had a huge salary, but have always worked in the charity sector and felt like I was a Useful and Good Person for doing that... and while I know bringing up my baby is Very Good and Useful... it doesn't always feel like that- esp when I'm standing in the supermarket knowing we can't afford the nice organic freerange stuff we used to buy, and just buying it anyway!

Having said that, for me, the Down to Earth blog has really challenged me to think about what being a 'home maker' is about (sorry- but I struggle with that term for me-!) ... but also I see my time at the mo as giving me other opportunities... I want to do some voluntary work; I want to try and find out what kind of work I really want to do in the (near) future to bring some pennies in; I want to get our house sorted (we moved a few months ago); I want to spend time with my baby... I'd like to be more hospitable and have people round for dinner etcm ore often.....

So I haven't even attempted to answer the OP's question, but waffled on- sorry about that! It's nice to know there are others having these questions / thoughts etc though!

***written while biting lip and trying not to make a comment about the Mail on Sunday / Daily Mail, people who write the articles, people who agree with them etc......!***

lillythecat

I've done both. Had my kids v young and stayed at home till youngest went to nursery had great SAHM friends and activities and loved it. Then got itchy feet and embarked on full on career. But that got too much to handle with four teenagers and a self employed huband. Now working from home, self employed & enjoying life far more. Have had to cut back somewhat (hence interest in MSE!) but you don't 'need' half the stuff you think you do. I enjoy the challenge and the work/life balance is far better - not to mention the sanity!

tattycath

Hi Rosh. Maybe, just to bring in a little extra you could sell items surplus to requirements on ebay etc. I only 'help out' my OH with his work as opposed to working full time and bringing in extra money. Since joining this site I have brought the grocery shopping bill down by just over £100 per month. (and I save over £100 per year out of my grocery budget to form an extra budget for christmas).I saved over £70 on contents insurance and got £100 cashback. Have got equivalent to over £17 in pigsback points and a £10 boots voucher. I work over 30 hrs a week but don't get paid for it as we are trying to build up OHs business and we can't afford for me to be paid-the beauty of working for yourselves I guess). I also sell stuff we no longer need/want on ebvay and when the weather is better we will be doing some carboots etc.
Sorry, now I'm waffling on-it must be catching. I hope this is helpful to someone it has helped me prattling on about it!!!. lol

skint_spice

I'm not a SAHM myself but a single working mum and would never judge anyone for their choices. You have to make choices on whatever works for you and there are many different options, something I have noticed though is that lots of people hate their jobs - even though some of them would seem dream jobs to others. when people ask what you do it's often as an icebreaker just to find common ground and not to make judgements - or maybe I just meet lots of nice people! (I have ok sounding job but it's very dull and I refuse to discuss it outwith those 35 hours!)

ness_w

I also am a SAHM with six children, three of them still at home during the day, the others at school. If anyone ever suggests to me that I am a lady of leisure they get laughed at, because they are clearly joking. I always planned to go back to work, but find it hard to see when going back to teaching will be viable financially or good for my sanity.

For the lady who said that housework was easier than working in an office with it's attendant pressures - that's probably true indeed, but once a baby turns up it brings pressures of it's own. There are no pressures as bad a s the ones we place on ourselves. Good luck to all the ladies who've posted saying they're expecting, I'm very jealous!

Ness.