Leaving the workplace to 'work' at home

Lizzieanne

Hi!

I have to say that I suffer from the same 'problem' - I had to give up my full time career 12 years ago due to severe ill health. Fortunately I had a medical pension which, whilst it doesn't pay me a fortune, is nothing to be sniffed at.
After a few years of recouperation, I started to do small jobs, and at the moment I am self employed in areas which mean that when I am not so well, I can just ease off for a while until my health recovers.
In addition to this I look after Mr L and our house 'old style'. It's an arrangement that suits us both.

The 'problems' emerge because we have no children - people assume that I have all the time in the world to do whatever favour they ask. Because I am self employed and work mainly from home some people also believe that I sit on my backside all day.
I've actually had friends who appear to be very resentful of the fact that I don't have to answer to a boss and they've made comments such us "you've nothing better to do" or "..because you don't work.."

It upsets me - I know that it shouldn't, but it does. Sometimes I feel that I have to constantly explain myself when, in reality, it's no-on else's business, is it?

I thought it was just 'stay at home wives with no kids' who received this kind of treatment, I don't know how anyone can say that a stay at home mum doesn't work - it's the hardest job in the world!


Ramble/rant over now!

tru

I have a small biz so I work from home, I also work for a friend but that's on remote access so that's done at home too (tho that job's only 5 hours per week lol).

I have the same problem as Lizzieanne, people assume you're doing nothing all day and so can be available for favours, etc. I have kids but they've left school so people think I should be working full time :rolleyes:

I'm like Mary Poppins - I never explain myself to anyone

If you MUST explain (please don't, lol) then tell them that you're not going to knock yourself out just to make rich companies richer, then come home and bung unhealthy ready meals (another make-rich-companies-richer plot) in the microwave cos you're too tired to cook and anyway you don't have time to cook because of all the housework that needs doing (with expensive fancy sprays - you'll probably be using them cos they're convenient - that make-rich-companies-richer). And the way you'll be living, you'll be saving (as in not spending) half of your old salary anyway. No more paying for bus fares/petrol and parking for a start.

Watch their faces drop

Spendless

I read Liz Jones :rolleyes: . I particularly 'liked' (NOT) the bit where she wrote "and before I get letters in from women saying how hard it is to look after 3 children. you had them". I am very much hoping that the editor has set her up with a job swap where she has 3 very boisterous tots to look after for a day. that I will very much enjoy reading in a future edition.

A lot of women I know are in the same position as myself. I have had odd comments from a teenage relative. I will bide my time on that one. . Once my youngest went to f-time school, the only one who commented on me not finding a job straight away was my nan, when I explained my husband's work committments mean he will be away a lot this year and I can't rely on him for childcare arrangements during the holidays, therefore I am better off stopping at college for the rest of this year, she said "but that will make your eldest 9 before you go back" (as oppossed to 8 - still don't get it). The other's who I find give me a "well I work" I tend to notice are the ones who have their parents providing childcare for them. and probably would find the same restrictions I did (eg price of childcare) if they weren't.

Ultimately it is no one else's business what you choose to do, whether that is work, full-time or part-time or not work at all. Good luck with it all. :beer:

moo2moo

I'm a stay at home mum, I have been for the past 8 years. Last Septmeber my youngest started school full time and, as agreed way back in 1999 when I left work, the time had come to find a job.

It took my husband and his friends rolling round in laughter to point out that I couldn't actually cope with the imposition of a job. Well I could cope, it was just that the hours didn't fit, obviously I'd still want to take the girls to school and collect them and have every holiday off, and garden and volunteer at school for a day each week and a couple of hours in the morning as something fun was happening. This week that was pancake making with 90 under 4s in the classroom. Very messy. Also potato planting with the same bunch, one of which decided that if you planted a single potato waited a bit and dug up lots he'd try the same with the Lego bricks.

Then theres the housework. Since I only do that (a) when the girls are elsewhere and (b) when its raining (or monday or friday) I'd have less time to spend with the girls. Then theres the hours dog walk with a friend every day and the school PTA and the chickens and the garden basically there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I do.

OK so if I worked we'd have more money but the compromise between my very laid back way of life and the restrictions of a job outweigh the additional income. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Who cares what other people think. If you're happy doing whatever it is you do all day then lifes great.

liney

I belive Liz Jones was just pointing out that we women chose one thing 'Work' then complain, go overboard with the 'Domestic Goddess' stuff, have babies and then tell all their working friends how difficult it is, so how their exisitance must be more valid because their friends 'only' go to work. "And before full-time mums write in to tell me how hard bringing up three small children under three actually is, much harder than sitting in an office, I don't care. You chose to have them.)"

Having been a full time worker, a SAHM and now having a perfect combination of Part time work and Homely duties, i can see where she is comming from in some respects. Let my husband deal with finances? Pft. My job to bring up the children? Pft, it's our job.

For these homemakers who are judjing her as a working woman, then you should not be so sensitive when people judge you as a Housewife. Her opinions are just as valid as yours. We are all wired up differently; some women would hate to be at home all day, and some would hate to work full time, but we are all supposed to be on the same team.

Yategirl

we are not "housewives" we are "domestic managers"

Actiongirl_2

Hmmm. I wonder how many of you also know that Liz Jones completely messed up her own marriage and decided to tell the whole of London about it in the evening standard....Not a great advert for a woman who hasn't reached a certain age and is jealous about what others have got.

I am now a sahm (baby due in three weeks and I finished at xmas). I have no intention of going back although I do get 2 years of mat leave and career break to decide.

Our salary has halved and I whereas I was earning nearly £3k a month just for me and my bills/mortgage, I am now living on an allowance from my husband to be of £200 a month for spends!

I wouldn't change a thing. I haven't missed work even once and believe me, housework is much easier and also more rewarding than working for a Bank with all the stress, peer pressure, performance targets, politics, long hours commuting and boredom.

I now love telling my OH what I have been doing all day - I never watch the TV and I find something interesting to do all the time. He loves it because I have started baking cakes and biscuits!

I can't imagine not being at home for my new little one and wouldn't change a thing. 9 years in a Bank head office are more than enough to make me appreciate the role of 'housewife'.

emmy05

congrats to the mums to be in this thread :j

i just love being at home, i wasnt home for my first 2 children so im really enjoying every minute, lucky to be working from home as well, sometimes find it hard work to juggle so much, but much more satisfying as well.

2boysmum

Congratulations,
I too love being at home. I used to work 60 hours a week, sometimes more, hardly saw DH or our 2 boys, we went on holiday last year to Florida and I realised just how much I was missing out on. Came back from holiday and handed in my notice. Haven't gave up work totally but have cut my hours down to 16 hours a week, during school hours, and with 3 days off together so I'm pretty much always there when they are.
It was the best thing I've ever done and to be honest I don't even notice the change in wages that much since I've started budgeting a bit and not spending all my money on a load of rubbish!

bellaquidsin

Oh, how I love this thread, I just wish I had been able to read it 20/30 years ago when I was struggling with snide remarks and sideways glances from my 'friends' due to my stay at home status.

I am of retirement age now but of course I will never retire from my job will I as the work goes on and will probably increase as the income decreases when DH finishes next year.

I now designate myself 'career housewife' and clarify it by explaining that it is a world away from the 'lady of leisure' variety.

I suppose the next gauntlet I will have to run will be when my working contemporaries retire with healthy pensions which will enable them to go here there and everywhere spending as they go. Our treats will be a short ride out or even a walk with a flask of homemade soup and a homemade roll.

Talking of soup and rolls, I'd better get on....., A woman's work is never done - whatever that work may be.

Bella.

PS Congratulations to OP on the forthcoming event. Just roll your sleeves up and enjoy because you are going to work VERY hard but you are choosing a very fulfilling roll.