Just feeling the need to say this out loud

(Land_of)_Maz

For me the pleasure is in ticking off another payment made, another debt down etc. I get the high from that, that used to come from shopping/eating out etc.

I still shop, just more considered and frugally, i.e. in charity shops and only things i need not want....

Well done for recognising the triggers/reasons for your behaviour. i haven't been brave enough to drill down to mine yet, although i think mine are childhood related too...

See you around the boards NC!

Maz
x

Needcash_3

Maz3374 wrote: »

For me the pleasure is in ticking off another payment made, another debt down etc. I get the high from that, that used to come from shopping/eating out etc.

I still shop, just more considered and frugally, i.e. in charity shops and only things i need not want....

Well done for recognising the triggers/reasons for your behaviour. i haven't been brave enough to drill down to mine yet, although i think mine are childhood related too...

See you around the boards NC!

Maz
x

Thanks Maz .... I can't wait to get to that stage .... my current situation though is that I'm snowballing ... I have a £7k loan at 6.9% and a £4k credit card at 0% ..... thing is, I'm paying the minimum on the credit card and I'm doing regular monthly savings to build up a fund to pay off the loan (not allowed to make overpayments on it). It's gonna take me the best part of 2 years before I see a debt paid off, unless I pay off the credit card first. So apart from building up the savings, I'm not seeing a major shift. I think I have this habitual 'need' for instant gratification and I get a buzz from shopping. Where do I put that 'need' while I'm chipping away at the debt. Maybe that's something to take up with a counsellor .... to stop me from 'self destructing' in other ways ..... can't see me personally going there as never have before, but I can see why people get in to things like gambling, sex addiction, alcoholism .... spending has always been my vice. Guess the small child inside me that never had it's emotional needs met has a tantrum every now and then .... !!!

bountiful

I went on a weekend workshop once - Make Friends With Money - did lots of exercises and it was very enlightening. One of the things that I came away with was that,emotionally, I'm about like a 2 yr old! It's well hidden inside the Sensible Me - but in there is this little tantrummy toddler going "Me! Me! Me!" wanting attention.
This is a silly little example - but today I went out for a bike ride. I put £2 in my pocket (in case I needed a coffee) - I managed to do the outing without a coffee, but when I got home I went up to the pound shop and bought candles and brown sticky tape - spent the £2! Both things are needed, but it was like I just had to spend the £2! Afterwards I felt a bit depressed with myself about that!

Needcash_3

Thanks Bountiful ... I feel exactly the same ... it's almost like I'm not satisifed until I've spent the last penny. Maybe I should split my budget and keep half of it at home until Weds or something ....

There's definitely a tantrum child in me ..... and I haven't been very nice to that child before ..... I'm gonna start being a bit kinder to myself! Like you, I always feel bad after having spent. I suppose now the boundaries have changed and I like you will now feel bad about spending £2 .... as opposed to the regular £200 blow outs I used to have !!!

bountiful

You know leaving half at home won't work.... better think of a better plan.
Actually, something someone said on my thread was that my budget wasn't very generous for miscellaneous spending, and that maybe I could allow myself say £20 a month for pocket money. I haven't quite worked out how to do that yet ..... I might need a separate purse for that money. I have a friend who uses jam jars for each of her budgeted allowances......I don't fancy that myself. The thing is that trying to avoid spending makes you want to do it more doesn't it, like you said, same as any addiction. From reading the posts it doesn't seem to matter much whether your problem is with a £200 blow out or a £2 one - it's the behaviour that matters - which is back to where you started on this thread. I used to think that people who had large incomes could not possibly have problems - I mean, when you are on Benefits it feels like more money is the solution to all the problems. Not saying for one moment that having more money (or even enough money) or a better income etc is a bad thing - just, well, it doesn't solve all the problems, does it?! My annual income is about £12,000 - so £20 a month on 'miscellaneous' does seem a bit unavailable. But it gets spent anyway - so why not make a realistic allowance for it. Dear me, I am rambling - sorry!

SpongeBobSP

well done on your hard work, keep it up.

I find that having a target(for saving or paying something off) really motivates me. It feels really great to achieve that target.

GirlRacer_2

Hi Needcash, I think we all have an emotional proble with money, I definitely spend to make myself happy. I don't even have to spend the money on clothes, it can be anything.

When I was paying off my debt I used to allow myself a day out shopping every time a debt was paid off completely. This was reward enough to help me focus on the debts. Now I'm debt free I' slightly afraid off having spending sprees and everytime I feel depressed I log onto here to take my mind off things.

Sassers

What a great thread - it's really made me think a lot ....
I've done frugal all my life - even when I was a kid - as our family had patches of being very very poor.
One thing I've noticed about myself is my spending in relation to food and don't laugh, charity shops!
Both are my comfort - I remember eating bags of salt and vinegar crisps on my grandad's lap and reading a book together. It was one of the times when I was a child that I felt really loved and safe. I've always been addicted to crisps and food, and funny enough, call it fate, I've been diagnosed as a borderline diabetic so I've had to totally change my diet. I don't deny myself crips or takeaways but I do have them once in a while as a treat. The fact that I don't have this stuff every day also fits in with my MSE life and the fact that the scarcity of the odd bag of crippys or take-out really is a treat!
I was brought up that even if you have no money if you have a freezer full of grub you'll be alright.My freezer is full of homemade meals and reduced bargains, again in line with me trying to be MSE.
As for the charity shop thing, well I went to jumble sales with my mum and family in the 70's and 80's and then when they sort of died a death, did charity shops. That's a comfort/frugal thing too, and yes, I have to make myself do Martins Mantra (do i want it, do I need it etc...).
I don't really shop in `charras' a lot anymore since I found out one near me makes about £75k a year minimum. As I go in there a lot I thought `jesus' that's a lot of my cash I'm spending in here over a year....so I cut down.
I do have everything I need - in fact I'm cutting down on stuff again in my house - I have a mum, stepdad, and otherhalf. Including me, if they ever came round all at once for dinner, I don't need 10 dinner plates...or cups or saucers or bowls!!
I do seeing being frugal as a way of life - at times it has broken my heart and others, I am proud I can see the bargains and benefits when others can't.

Sorry about hi-jacking the Op's thread - I haven't posted such a long reply before and was really moved by all the replies.

Lots of love Sassers xxx

bountiful

No worries Sassers - it was a great read and all relevant to the original post (in my opinion) - care and share - love it! :T

moneydesperate_x

Blimey, that post is great, it was like it was my life only it was my dad who brought me things to show his love for me.
My eyes have filled reading it as its made me think about how my life is, but thank you so much for your post, and what I could never put into words myself.