Just feeling the need to say this out loud

Needcash_3

No major words of wisdom here, but just felt the need to say this .... Everyday I read the posts on here and sometimes contribute and I am truly inspired.

Since joining you guys (Only at the beginning of this year), I'm finally starting to understand myself and my relationship with and towards money ... and it's major league therapy in terms of my life so far and the financial journey that I've been on to date.

I came from a 'cash poor' background, however I always 'looked good' and my Mum, who I'm currently estranged from, has 'loved me' by buying me stuff that I don't need and she couldn't afford. I vowed to myself from a young age that I would never have scarcity for myself, but over the years, for one reason or another, my ideas as to what consitutes 'scarcity' became skewed. Especially when some of my peers were driving sports cars!! So through this, and low self esteem borne out of a difficult upbringing, I spent .... suppose I could have ate, or slept around or something instead, but my emotional triggers led me to overspend to fill my emotional 'gaps'.

So here I am today, finally learning the value of money, slowly learning that my fear of scarcity is not founded in common sense, but long standing perceptions and that I don't need to binge shop like I have in the past. Spending £20 a week in Lidl means that I am planning my meals better and eating better than I ever had by cooking and preparing everything from scratch. I've lost a bit of weight too .... another barrier that I had built up along with clothes, to cover my emotional scars and shield me from the outside world.

I'm still struggling with the idea of having cash flow/ disposable income .... I'm not used to having spare cash and planning it around haircuts and social events. I'm used to spending everything and more and being left with nothing. Chaos theory has been my modus operandi for so long.

I now withdraw £60 each Friday and I use that for petrol, food and socialising for the week ..... granted once I've got the petrol and food I've usually got an empty purse by Tuesday, but I'm learning to curb the compulsion to spend, to feel comfortable with cash in my purse and to pace myself. I'm learning to be a bit kinder to myself through this process too and am definitely more discerning. This discipline, boundary setting, raised self control and self respect is proliferating itself in to other areas of my life ..... and other 'relationships' too.

Anyway, like I said ..... no real words of wisdom for you here. Just a little self analysis, put in to words. Not only am I dealing with the symptoms of my situation here (i.e. the debt), I'm also taking a little step back and looking at the root cause as to why I get myself in cycles of debt .... once I crack the root cause, then I will finally break the cycle for good :j

Thanks for reading

NC

Maryjane_4

Sounds like you are in a similar place to me. Nice to see your dealing with it so well.
I hope i can do as well.

Needcash_3

Maryjane wrote: »

Sounds like you are in a similar place to me. Nice to see your dealing with it so well.
I hope i can do as well.

Can't believe how emotional I'm feeling after having said this 'outloud' ... and having got some thanks and response .... it's all very 'deep', but I've posted my SOA and done all the practical stuff here .... I wanted to get this out in the open too .... knowing that I'm not the only one feeling like this is a great comfort .....

Maybe we can support each other with our 'emotional' spending habits ..... ?

Gemmzie

Spending is definitely an emotional thing for a lot of people here, whether it's boredom, depression, not letting kids/partners down.

The support is definitely here if you need it

Needcash_3

Gemmzie wrote: »

Spending is definitely an emotional thing for a lot of people here, whether it's boredom, depression, not letting kids/partners down.

The support is definitely here if you need it

Yeah ... I think I do need the support ... have been very 'independent' for a long while and internalising things, so admitting that I need the support is a relief ......

Triker

Thanks for managing to put into words what a lot of us have struggled to say to ourselves, me included.;) xx

splishsplash

Wow! You sound like you've thought through a lot of stuff and come out the other end with many of the answers you need to make some real lifestyle changes - all for the right reasons!
Well done you:T

Little_Pickle

what an inspirational read.. you are fantastic with words (something I sometimes struggle with).

Good luck on your journey, all of your new DFW mates are here to skip down the road with you...

LP
xox

Bunnyinthelights

Goodness NC,
I feel as though you've written my life story out, how uncanny.
Good luck, I'm finding the process long but the help and support from everyone on this forum is second to none-I have found amazing friendships here.
So welcome!
Bunny x

Needcash_3

Thanks for all the words of support and encouragement :beer:

Carrying these thoughts around have been a burden to me before .... I'm touched at all the kind words.

Has been a lonely old slog for me to date with this stuff .... Now I've finally plucked up the courage to get it all out, I hope that I too can make some great friendships on here x x x

Needcash_3

So what do you guys do to curb the emotional spending habit? I do think that my 'problem' is as much to do with the 'habit' of shopping as it is with the emotional side.

Do you stay out of shops .... leave your credit cards at home? I do ... but inevitably I end up pulling back, then 'bingeing' a couple of weeks down the line?

Do you find the answer is having a goal to aim for ..... or a hobby or something?

NC x