Drink / driving and wasting money

Jade321

Hi,

I think you've just hit the nail on the head. I want him to take some responsibility! At the wedding it would be nice if he could not drink, so I could relax and not have to worry about looking after the kids for the night. So if we both drink, he gets drunk and I have a couple because I want to be sober enough to look after the kids (3 of which are his anyway!).

If we go out on our own together, then having a drink together is more acceptable, but if we have kids to look after then we can't both have a good old drink with no worries, so it's always me that has to take the responsibility.

As for whether I love him, I would have done anything for this man. Now I feel used and wonder if it's possible to love someone who seems to care so little for me and the little people.

Nile

You might not want him to know about this site and your posts here;) ........but I was wondering whether if he read this thread, it might be a useful wake up call for him?

ashmit

margaretclare wrote:

So maybe birthday parties with bouncy castle for the kids and alcohol for the adults is what they do nowadays? Sorry, different generation.

I'm a mere 29, kidless so far, and horrified. What happened to the focus of children's birthday parties being on the children?? Not a generation thing, just a priorities thing, to my mind.

Murtle

I'm also a mere 29, and the only kids birthday parties I've been to have all had alcohol at them!! Probably more for the adults with no kids, but no got very drunk until the last of the kiddies had departed for the day or gone to bed, then the evening turned into an adults play time! But yes I think it comes from different priorities!

As for the OP's question, he sounds selfish, and you're sensible taking a long hard look at the relationship.

This comment

He constantly tells me how much he is "trying" with our relationship

struck a chord with me, as he is trying to put the blame/fault at your door and questioning your beliefs in yourself, my darling *spit* ex did the same!! He wasn't trying at the realtionship, he was just *trying* in general. Take some time out to clear your head of any of his thoughts, your sayings here are not unreasonable.

Wish you all the best in your choices

x x

gravitytolls

This is the norm in our house.

I have recently announced that I am now tee total, as I might as well be. I too have no desire to get blotto, but occasionally it migh tbe nice to be able to have a couple of lgasses of wine, without thinking about getting home.

Just tonight, I am unhappy with OH, as he wen to dinner at golf club, and asked me to collect him. I refused, as I have the children to get to bed, and would need to bring baby out late with me. Sio he asked neighbour, and I ended up doing it anyway, as I couldn't allow him to put the neighbour on th espot like that.

He is now at neighbours sharing a bottle of vino to say thanks anyway mate'.

My husb has a drink problem. He is unwilling to admit to this, but as we nearly split 5 years ago, he was forced to make som eradical changes to his behaviour. He drinks less frequently, but I would say in equally large amounts when he does. Any excuse for a drink basically.
It doesn't help whe neighbour has a drink problem also, and calls on the mobile or when he sees me go out to invite John to the pub. I think he's scared I won't let him out to play.
I never say no, unless it's daytime, when he shouldn't subject the family to slurring and pettiness because he's ratted; he's agrown man, I don't wan tot be his mother.

When we go out, I have to insist that outings do not inevitably end at the pub, as I hate the pub. We never go out together.

I agree with other posters, I can see no good reason for boozing at a toddlers bday party. Is this just an excue for a knees up?

My inclination, speaking as a woman who is sick to death of boozing males, is to let him go alone. Unless you feel you need to be there, or particularly wan tto go, I'd make an excuse to the childs folks, and tell him why you're not going. It's up to him then what he does.

I don't htink this is just about what's fair, the bigger issue is why does he need to drink whenever he goes anywhere socially?

ashmit

Oh I'm so sorry gravity tolls! One of my aunts is an alcoholic. She's dry now thankfully, and somehow the family stayed together through it all, but it must be so stressful when your partner won't admit that they need help.

I hope you can find some way to get through and stay sane. I don't know whether al-anon might be useful for you?

Good luck.

margaretclare

Hi all

Thanks for the supportive comments - I'm glad I'm not totally living in the last century re kids' parties, nor the century before that!

The bloke next door (dad of 2 little lads, one of whom has a June b'day) admitted to us that he's had to cut down his drinking because it was damaging his kidneys. But he still does drink, how much he's cut down I've no idea because I don't live with him (thank goodness!) But the party in the back garden a few weeks ago went on until midnight, and that wasn't after the kids had gone to bed - the kids were still out there playing on the bouncy castle, their swings and normal toys, until midnight! I think the little boys are 5 and 6 and there's a little girl who's a bit younger, then there were other kids as well. I wouldn't have wanted mine to be up that late, not even on a weekend....

Aunty Margaret

Nile

........and then people wonder why children are badly behaved nowadays....would it have any connection with their parents swigging alcohol and keeping their child up far too late?


We have an inconsiderate family opposite our house. The father has his biker mates to visit on a Sunday morning so they can all rev up their engines and admire their toys.:mad:

They also have regular weekend parties and their guests laugh/giggle/talk loudly as they say their goodbyes to the family including their young daughter............on the door step at 1 or 2 o' clock in the morning.

ceegee

Alcohol at a child's birthday party?! :eek: I'd never even heard of that before. I am stunned, but perhaps I've lead a sheltered life. No, it's absolutely wrong and for many reasons.

In my limited experience, people with alcohol problems are totally self-centred and it doesn't occur to them to have any consideration for other people.

Jade, I don't want to cause offence, but does he love you? Do you love him or is it just that you want to be with someone and he "will do" in the absence of anyone else?


:grouphug:

yeovilmac

Hi Jade,

I have never seen the attraction of alcohol. Sure it can loosen you up and chill you out but its bloomin' expensive, can make you feel dreadful if over-indulged in and in severe cases can make you do stupid / illegal things.

My current situation is on the discussion time section on this forum ( under "help needed" ) and if you read it you will see what alcohol makes some people do and how they act. I am sick and tired of selfish males, and it is usually males, who are pathetically selfish and insist on their partners driving them home.

Why can't I find a woman who would like a drink and would be pleased to have a teetotal bolke to drive them home after??

Second thoughts, maybe you'd better not answer that!!