being bullied by my 15yr old

determined_new_ms

Hi just wanted to offlaod... I have a 15yr old bou who was run over in August last yr and since then our life has become hell. He now is committing criminal offences, won't lift a finger around the house, has been excluded permanently from school, swears at me and is intimidating if I challenge him about anything and while he isn't aggresive per se but he is physically intimidating ( sometime's he picks me up and moves me out of the way)

I no longer know what to do I have tried contacting ss but there is nothing they can do, he is intimidating and violent to my daughter who is a year younger than him

I don't know what to do and am devastated by what is happening in my family, if anyone has been thru a similar experience and has some ideas I'd be really grateful to hear ur response

Thanks and sorry

weegie.geek

He was run over, and then turned into a tearaway?

I'd have thought that having a close shave like that would've made him appreciate his family more.

Did anything else happen around the same time?

Either way, the behaviour is unacceptable, so don't stand for it. Teenagers will get mouthy, but violence is a big no, especially to his little sister.

If he's picking you up and moving you out of the way, I'm guessing he's bigger than you, so belting him will probably literally hurt you more than it hurts him.

Is the dad in the picture? If not, what about another male relative? Uncle, cousin, anything like that? He really needs sorted out, for his own good. If he's like that at home with his family, what's he like outside?

Why on earth are you apologising anyway? The only people you need to apologise to are yourself and your daughter, for letting things go this far.

When you say SS won't do anything, what exactly did they say? No offence, but you need to be assertive with these people, and you don't come across as the most assertive of people.

Edit: by sorted out I don't necessarily mean in a violent way - he just needs a warning that the way he's going on is unacceptable, and if he treats you two like that there WILL be consequences.

robnye

sorry to hear about your issues with your son....

you say he was run over last year.... did he hurt his head at all... as i have heard of these types of accidents causing mood swings later on

Stephb1986_2

sounds like my brother apart from he's 24 and im 21 he decided to give me a black eye today the only reason i havent done him to the police is because ive got a new car coming and he's threated to torch it. maybe your best having a word with the police and getting them to give him a bit of a scare?

Stephb xxx

weegie.geek

Stephb1986 wrote: »

sounds like my brother apart from he's 24 and im 21 he decided to give me a black eye today the only reason i havent done him to the police is because ive got a new car coming and he's threated to torch it. maybe your best having a word with the police and getting them to give him a bit of a scare?

Stephb xxx

Jesus christ, is the car worth more than your health and self esteem?

!!!!!!!! to the car, he can't get away with that.

Domestic violence is one thing I can't bear, for several reasons.

fsdss

no need to be sorry!!!!!
do you have any support such as partner etc. if so how do they handle this?

it is common for teenagers to act like this (professionally its called identity crisis) when they are moving from childhood onto adulthood and their hormones are racing all over the place. they usually want to be in charge and aggression usually appears.
it seems like the accident may have been the trigger in this instance.

in my humble opinion i would calmly sit down and talk to him and let it be known that his behaviour is unacceptable and try and look at ways forward to improve it- let him express himself and ask how you are BOTH going to remedy this (you may have to do some compromising with this). when he shows acceptable behaviour towards you and his sister, he can be rewarded (such as tokens for a late night etc) but this reward system needs to be discussed.

you could try your county council as some have parenting courses that you can access?
where about in the country are you?

Stephb1986_2

my car is costing me 26k so its worth alot more to be honest i'll wait my time and get my revenge. he thinks he can get away with it but im not letting it drop this time.

determined_new_ms

thanks for ur responses

I am apologising because I am embarrassed that i have said this on this forum, was just feeling low and wanting to get it off my chest. I am assertive in other aspects of my life but my son has pushed me into a corner and whenever I challenge him he disappears for a day or two and don't want to further aggrievate the situation.

Unfortunately I don't have any family (male) members to turn to, I was in care when I was a child and don't have contact with my family.

When I see our social worker, she gives me affirmations that I am doing all that I can but the situation continues/gets better for a while/returns to bad.

My son is seeing someone which he is supposed to meet with each week but has only seen him 2 times since oct.

Stephb1986_2

try sitting him down and saying if he doesnt start behaving you'll kick him out that might make him think a bit before he starts again. kids of today just have no respect i know im only 21 but i still respect my parents and would never treat my mum like it.

Stephb xx

weegie.geek

Stephb1986 wrote: »

my car is costing me 26k so its worth alot more to be honest i'll wait my time and get my revenge. he thinks he can get away with it but im not letting it drop this time.

For £26k you could get a cheaper car, and get the !!!!!! kneecapped.

Seriously though, the fact that you're saying a car's worth more than you says a lot about your self esteem. I'm sure you're worth more than a car. Please don't stand for it. Get the police involved, for your own sake. If he's like this with family, what's he like with other women? Other people in general, but especially women...

determined_new_ms wrote: »

thanks for ur responses

I am apologising because I am embarrassed that i have said this on this forum, was just feeling low and wanting to get it off my chest.

Nothing to apologise about. At least you're honest about it, and asking for help.

I am assertive in other aspects of my life but my son has pushed me into a corner

Or at least picked you up and placed you there?

and whenever I challenge him he disappears for a day or two and don't want to further aggrievate the situation.

Disappearing for a day or two gives you and your daughter some respite I guess, but you'll obviously be worried about him when he goes missing. Any Idea where he goes? And what he does when he's there?

Unfortunately I don't have any family (male) members to turn to, I was in care when I was a child and don't have contact with my family.

So he knows he's got nothing to fear, I guess. He'll know all about it when your daughter's got a boyfriend, and he gets a pasting for hitting her.

Having said that, the only "man" in her life being violent towards her isn't exactly gearing her up for healthy relationships.

When I see our social worker, she gives me affirmations that I am doing all that I can but the situation continues/gets better for a while/returns to bad.

My son is seeing someone which he is supposed to meet with each week but has only seen him 2 times since oct.

Is there anything you can do to make him go? Can they come to him?

When you say "committing criminal offences" do you mean he's been committing them, or he's been caught committing them?

fsdss

PLEASE DON'T APOLOGISE!!!! its not your doing.

you need to grasp back some of that self esteem that you seem to have lost.- its not your fault - your child knows whats right and wrong. have you been in an abusive relationship before? i ask this for a reason and await the response before i give you advice but my inclination tells me you have.

if he causes more problems then dont hesitate to call the police- he cannot get away with physically abusing you or your daughter, and you have a duty to protect your daughter from harm, if he needs to learn the hard way then so be it.

Where are you in the country? if you are in leicestershire i can get you help within the month (probably within the week.)