Will query

Technosaurus

On a base level, as others have pointed out, when the money goes to your sibling, it's THEIR money to do with as they please. It's not "family money", it's no longer your parents' money, it's theirs.

It is of course wise to advise them to make a will - just as it is for anyone regardless of lifestyle or circumstances - but there's no guarantee they'd leave it back to you and your other sibling, it's completely up to them. And I'd advise against trying to put any pressure on who they choose to leave it to as this could potentially be grounds for a contest.

Given what you've said about their lifestyle choices, and it sounds awful to say, advising your SE Asia based sibling to make a will of any sort is perhaps the key point here as it sounds like they might subscribe to the "live fast die young" model and one or both of your parents might well outlast them… who knows what testacy laws will apply to your sibling depending on where they live or die…

strawb_shortcake

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82064829#Comment_82064829

You are entitled to your view, as I've tried to express I really don't care what they spend their money on, what I do care about is being expected to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong as it invariably does and they have no money left. If someone chooses to behave like a child they perhaps shouldn't be too surprised when they get treated as such - they are approaching 60 not 16.

I'd happily let someone else manage a trust, in all honesty, today if I could forget I had this sibling I would.

But I know their long term wellbeing is worried about by our parents and all I wanted to know is if there is a way to provide them peace of mind and one thing less to worry about, but it sounds as though it's a resounding no.

strawb_shortcake

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82064868#Comment_82064868

I completely get it's their money, they will never write a will, this is a person who collected 2 black bin bags of unopened post - twice! once I sorted through it all and the second time they burnt it all.

If they wrote a will and left money to cat sanctuary that would actually be amazing as they'd have finally shown signs of growing up!

lincroft1710

People like your sibling will never learn from their mistakes if relatives continually bail them out.

At some point in the future when your sibling has their inheritance and spends it unwisely, then that is their problem and you personally do not bail them out, otherwise you will have a millstone around your neck for the rest of your life

Tough love is often a good tutor

Mrs_Z

Maybe one idea worth exploring would be for the non-MSE sibling to buy an annuity with their share of the inheritance? That would give them an income for life without any other family member having to 'manage their share'. If the non-MSE sibling is on board with the idea, perhaps the OP could help them to explore the details and get it set up if suitable.

strawb_shortcake

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82065102#Comment_82065102

That's the annoying thing, I tell my Mum this and here I am thinking I might be mitigating a risk when I'm just setting myself to step in when the time comes

strawb_shortcake

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82065152#Comment_82065152

That was one idea that came to mind,

I do think they'd be receptive to something like this if it ensures they can continue living abroad. I don't know if they'll get a full state pension but they should get something in around 10 years time, they are also looking to claim a very small private pension so perhaps things will look better in time.

Or my parents decide to blow everything on cruising for the next however many years and inheritance isn't even an option 😀

MarzipanCrumble

OP - Let go. What is all this conjecture doing to your mental health, because you cannot control your parents and you cannot control your sibling. Walk away. Up to you if you keep up a relationship with either, but, if you do, explore therapy.

Technosaurus

I agree with @MarzipanCrumble

I can't fault your well-meaning but (and I think you know this deepdown OP) it's a complete waste of your time. You're pushing against a closed door when it comes to any form of responsibility and 'adulting' for your sibling… Someone who can't even be bothered to open their post as they approach age 60 is unlikely to suddenly enter into the more sensible and staid world of annuities and wills. I assume you've said your piece, so there's nothing more you can do.

So for the good of your own headspace and bearing in mind it's currently a hypothetical scenario at some unspecified point in the future, I'd just start to make peace with this. If your sibling squanders their inheritance, then so be it. There is no cure for stupidity and you can take a horse to water when it comes to advice…

Annietott

A 60ish year old with mental capacity should be able to spend ‘their’ share of inheritance on whatever they choose. Why should you get to dictate another’s finances. After all everyone is allowed to make unwise decisions and if it goes pear shaped, then point you can decide to bail out your sibling. Or not.

Your post smacks someone of attempting to hijack a sibling inheritance, which seldom ends happily. And as MarzipanC says it’s all conjecture at this point.