Partner moving into my house - what is a fair contribution?

Albermarle

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026494#Comment_82026494

However it is clear from the OP's last post, that he is thinking he will be penny pinching to pay the mortgage, whilst she will be living rent free and have lots of spare disposable income to spend freely. That is probably not a good basis for a happy relationship as he will resent her for it.

I do not see why she can not be a partner and a lodger if it works for them ( it might not of course) .

Expecting her to pay any form of formal rent in addition to above reduces her to lodger rather than partner status and you would not expect a lodger to share your bed or chores. (Quote from another post )

You maybe would not normally expect it, but I am sure it happens !

Emmia

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026525#Comment_82026525

There are people (middle-aged men mostly) who seek to get a (usually younger female) lodger in a one-bed place, with the expectation that the lodger will share their double bed… and presumably pay part of their rent in the form of "services"…

sheramber

Whatever you do make sure you are both in agreement about finances etc before she moves in.

You have said you do think you are both on the same page.

You need to sort that out before any moves.

Emmia

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026100#Comment_82026100

What do you think her position is, and what is your position (or how does it differ?). I think you both need to be on the same page regarding the costs and finances… if you're not, it would be best if she didn't move in… however committed you are.

Mands

This might be a minor point, but my broader point is that there are many ways that her life will improve - as far as I can see, she isn't really having to compromise on anything, if that makes sense.

She is compromising on buying and owning her own home. On building equity.

I'll leave others to comment on the specific numbers but it seems to me she's making a huge sacrifice which you are blowing off as 'no cost here'.

PennysIntoPounds

It's great that you're trying to consider what is fair for both of you but it does sound like you're already feeling resentful. She has to have your kids (no matter how loved) in her home for a lot of the time, she has no rights if the relationship doesn't work out, and she's paying council tax and utilities on a much larger home to suit your needs.

I don't want to sound harsh but this is not sounding like a partnership of equals if you don't want to include her and take care of her and aren't okay for her to be saving her savings for a place together in future or to safeguard herself. Maybe don't move in together and definitely don't have a child together!

Best of luck with whatever you both decide is for the best

Grumpy_chap

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026525#Comment_82026525

I once knew someone who was very strapped financially and offered as a lodger to pay a bit less rent in return for doing the cleaning. That did not extend to sharing the bed.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026566#Comment_82026566

As a man of the similar age you suggest, I frankly find that, well, just weird and creepy and disrespectful. Potentially exploitative. I kind of assume that the younger female moving in to that type of lodging agreement is somewhat short of alternatives. It would create what seems to be an unhealthy power imbalance and disproportionate control.

strawb_shortcake

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026681#Comment_82026681

It's not just young women, when my Son was looking for a room to rent after uni he had the experience of viewing one house where it was made clear the male LL was looking for young gay male for more than just being a lodger. My son is heterosexual but I'd like to that even if he was gay he'd haven given that one a swerve

Grumpy_chap

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026696#Comment_82026696

OK - I was not particularly aware these arrangements existed as a common thing - they don't in my world - and I was referencing the previous poster's comments about "mostly middle age men" and "usually younger female".

I think the detail of the pairing - whether it is a middle aged man and younger female / middle aged man and younger male / older lady and younger male / older lady and younger female - I think my comments about the potentially exploitative imbalances still apply.

RAS

It doesn't matter which gender mix, where one person is looking for a "lodger" with expectations that some rent will be paid with services, those need to be explicit before even interviewing. And using your status to exert power in shared accommodation is pretty nasty.

I wonder if it would be counted as coercive control?