Partner moving into my house - what is a fair contribution?

billvell

I'd appreciate some views from people who have been in similar situations, as I'm conscious I may be too close to it and don't want to end up in an echo chamber.

Background:

- I'm 41 and currently buying a house on my own.

- The house will be solely in my name and I'm putting down the deposit and taking on the mortgage.

- I have three children who stay with me 2-3 nights per week on average (so I've really had to buy a 3 bed house, so that I have proper space for them for the future).

- My girlfriend and I are in a serious relationship and are talking about living together once I get the keys. We've also discussed longer-term things like children of our own.

• She earns almost exactly the same salary as me (just over £40k).

- She currently lives with her mum and contributes around £300/month there. (For context, she has been actively [desperately!] searching for somewhere else to live for quite some time, even before I was on the scene, but struggled to find somewhere 'just right' to buy on her own, and didn't really want to rent.)

- She has substantial savings of her own (much more than I do)

- If she moves in, she won't be on the deeds or mortgage.

My thinking:

I completely accept that:

- She shouldn't be expected to pay half my mortgage.

- She shouldn't be funding my children.

- The house is legally mine and I am the one taking on the financial risk and responsibility.

However, I also feel that if two adults on similar incomes choose to live together, it's reasonable that both make a meaningful contribution towards the household, even if the contributions aren't equal. I'll also be trying my best to create some literal and metaphorical 'personal space' for her, at least initially, so that when I have my kids over, it isn't a bit overwhelming for her (my kids love her, for context, I haven't forgotten about their needs!)

The house-related costs will be roughly:

Mortgage: £849

Council tax: £185

Gas/electric: ~£200

Water: ~£55

Insurance: ~£40

Internet: ~£20

Total: around £1,350/month before maintenance, repairs, appliances, decorating, plus furnishings the house with sofas, TVs, beds etc.

(Another point is thay her daily commute will cut in half by living with me - so lower fuel costs and more time. This might be a minor point, but my broader point is that there are many ways that her life will improve - as far as I can see, she isn't really having to compromise on anything, if that makes sense.)

My concern isn't really about a specific figure. It's more about the principle.

If we continued living separately:

• We'd both be responsible for 100% of our own housing costs.
• We'd both have separate bills, furnishings, insurance, maintenance etc.
• We'd still be trying to juggle where to stay and spending time travelling between homes.My question is:

Living together would obviously benefit both of us financially and practically.

My question is:

What do people consider a fair contribution in this situation?

Would you look purely at the additional costs created by the second person living there, or would you expect a partner to make a broader contribution towards the household they are sharing?

Interested in hearing views from both homeowners and partners who have moved into someone else's property.

Emmia

She should save the amount she would pay in mortgage/rent. This money could be used in due course to either buy into your property formally later on or to buy a place together. It also means that if the relationship goes south she has the money to move out quickly.

I'd split the utilities, council tax, groceries 50/50 - i.e. all the "consumables". She shouldn't pay for any upgrades etc. unless you want to muddy the waters as to what's yours and hers.

QrizB

As someone who was once in a similar situation, albeit 30 years ago, I'd suggest that you suggest she covers half of the Council Tax and utilities, which comes to about £240pm on your figures.

Plus you probably want to discuss how you split the ad-hoc costs like groceries.

Keep_pedalling

If she contributes to you mortgage costs and upkeep of your home, then she will be creating a beneficial ownership in your home so you should exclude those from your calculation.

50% of everything else would be the correct thing to do at this stage of your relationship. You will stil both be benefiting financially but she gets no long term security so should not be contributing more.

billvell

Thanks for the replies so far. For what it's worth, I think my feeling is that I'm not really wedded to a specific figure, more the feeling that we are choosing to make a life together, so there should be a bit of sharing of responsibility, one way or another.

Yes, my circumstances are not as straightforward, but it doesn’t really feel right that I carry all the risk and responsibility and she pays nothing despite enjoying the benefits (and adding to wear and tear and costs), nor does it feel right that we get really intensely 'forensic' about it - "well I had 5 showers this week, so here's my £11.47 towards the utilities" or "sorry, I dropped a mug - here's £1.50 for a new one" - neither of those scenarios feels like a partnership/ healthy basis for a successful relationship?

I don't want to 'make money' from her or take advantage, but I also don't think it's fair for me to effectively subsidise her savings-orientated, comparatively carefree (financially at least) lifestyle, while I scrimp and watch every single penny and stress about the boiler breaking down or how I'll pay for a sofa. I worry that if I feel a bit like I'm being taken advantage of, it will build resentment? For context - I have taken out a mortgage over the absolute maximum term I can, and am pushing it to balance everything - mortgage, children maintenance, etc etc. Yes, that is my choice/ responsibility, but we both agreed we want to live together and I have tried to find a way to make that work (short of combining our deposits and buying somewhere together, which she, understandly, wasn't ready to do yet, although will consider in future).

If she is already effectovely paying rent to live at home (and not enjoying it at all), how is it any different to pay me that or something similar, instead, whilst also enjoying the benefits of having somewhere to call 'hers', more freedom, not swapping between houses with me, shorter commute to work etc? Like, a flat amount each month that just goes towards 'total cost of housing'? If she had found somewhere to live just before we got serious, she'd be paying very likely about ~£1000p/m or more to live on her own (and it being empty all the time she stayed with me).

So isn't paying something like £2-300pm to live with me (instead of paying to her mum - AND still having her whacking great cash deposit sat there, still getting bigger) actually 'fine'?

I don't think my position is unreasonable? Or maybe it is?

I also worry about bit that if I'm carrying 90-100% of the housing costs burden and she...isn't... then how are we supposed to enjoy doing anything together, like meals out, trips etc if Im constantly saying 'I cant afford to do that' and she is then left choosing between not doing anything, 'paying for me' or just doing it alone without me?

I hasten to add, we haven't really discussed this properly, but the one time we accidentally sort of did a while back, I don't think we were really on the same page, so I'm a bit anxious about it and not even sure where tonstart the conversation for fear of finding out for sure that we are in totally different places about it!

Albermarle

I would be thinking about charging some rent on top of the 50% of consumables. Not a market rate but say about £200 per month.

To avoid problems with tenancies, beneficial owner ship, tax etc. you can maybe install her as an official lodger? Not sure if that would work between you, but it is an idea anyway.

Rent a Room scheme - how it works and tax rules | MoneyHelper

silvercar

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026085#Comment_82026085

but that would leave her living rent free. I feel she should put some money towards the fact that she isn’t paying rent elsewhere. This could go in a separate pot for joint holidays, or it could go for a future purchase she makes either on her own or buying into the house. Though that almost creates the feeling of living rent free while she saves for a place of her own, akin to living at home.

billvell

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026121#Comment_82026121

...except she isn't living rent free at home - she pays a few hundred quid pm (I think)

silvercar

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82026126#Comment_82026126

So it’s an even better way of ‘saving for a place of your own’ to move in with her boyfriend.

gwynlas

If you split utilities etc and groceries 50/50 she will in fact be subsidizing you having your children over part of the time.

It might be a stretch for you at the moment but that is part of the cost of parenting and wanting a 3 bed property.

You could have a 2 bed and use a sofa bed as extra accommodation.

She could save whatever she wishes and in time if this relationship leads to marriage either buy into your property or use savings accrued to help towards deposit and costs of buying togetheer.

Expecting her to pay any form of formal rent in addition to above reduces her to lodger rather than partner status and you would not expect a lodger to share your bed or chores.

Keep_pedalling

We are talking about a partner here not a lodger rent should not come into it. If the OP wants no risk of a claim to any sort of beneficial ownership he should stick to household expenses only. He will still be benefiting financially and in other ways from the arrangement with zero risk to himself.