Cancer, cash and carrying on

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks Lucielle, Beanie and Sun_Addict

Yes, hopefully it’ll be fine. My boss has said to wear casual clothes when I go in, so there’s no temptation or pressure to do clinical work. They’re sorting me a laptop for home working

No unplanned spends today, chemo again tomorrow 🤪

lucielle

It sounds like work are really looking out for you.
L

DancingInTheRain

Good news on the fit note, hope chemo goes well today.

EssexHebridean

Great news that the oncologist is happy to sign you off for a partial return to work - they must be pretty happy with the way you are responding to and coping with the treatment.

Also excellent work on the setting boundaries about hosting. I'm utterly baffled that the family concerned would turn up empty handed or not at least ask what they could bring - and even if you said "nothing" - you'd still take some beers, or a bottle of wine, surely?!

liselle

And yes, as others have said, they don’t seem to recognise the fact that you’re receiving chemo.

enthusiasticsaver

Hope Chemo went ok and I am another one who is baffled at your family just assuming life continues as normal when you are receiving cancer treatment. Selfish so and sos and hopefully as there was no booze and you pointed out that you always host they will think twice. Honestly your MILs comment would annoy me that her precious boy had to do more than usual when probably it is you every other year. Definitely make sure you rest lots and if your mum and MIL are alone on significant days because siblings don't step up that is not on you.

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks everyone

Chemo went fine, it’s a long day, about 5 hours in the chair. Numb bum!
I’m looking forward to doing a bit of work, especially as there’s no pressure. It’ll be very weird as it’s usually a very intensive job, so just being able to do what I’m able and when I’m able is a very foreign concept!

It’s a strange dynamic our families…

My dad died a few years ago and he and my mum had one of those relationships where he did everything and she kind of glided through life. So it’s been a culture shock for her and she’s never really pushed herself to change.
So when we host, she’s like ‘pick a pudding and I’ll send the money’ which isn’t really the point so I just said not to worry. She will bring a bottle. My brother is always skint, but he’ll bring a bottle too.

This BBQ was for my DHs family….
MIL used to bring a pud, but when she first saw my mum not doing one 8 years ago, decided why should she. And has stuck with that.

DHs brother and wife are both on benefits (they could work, choose not to). They have children and I do think money can be tight. But they spend loads on stuff I personally wouldn’t and then moan that they're poor 🙄

To be fair to DH he does usually do 50/50 while hosting, I was clear I wasn’t impressed at him being guilt tripped into hosting, which is why I stuck to my guns and didn’t help. Didn’t come naturally though! I did ask the kids to help where they could though 😁

Contributed to school collection £15. Love a school collection, makes life much easier!! And the teachers/TAs get a nice gift. It all gets bunged into 1 pot and divided up. Think usually 30% to each teacher and then the remaining 40% between the numerous TAs. The whole pot usually raises around £700-800, so not shabby!

ellenvan

There is still things you can bring on a budget. Or offer to help. So no excuses really needed.

Agree on the pot for teachers and assistants. I volunteer in a charity shop and we get donated a lot of the little teddies, gifts that are probably duplicate, just after term ends.

Spendless

Oh my gosh how cheeky can you get, expecting someone to host when they're going thru treatment for Cancer. You can help out even if youre too skint to provide (and you can always find something cheap to fetch anyway). Glad you stuck to your guns and that your DH realises he shouldnt have caved. I wouldnt be hosting any more parties until someone else has first (I once had to do this when the expectation was I'd host NYE for thr 3rd year on the trot, told my DH I wasnt, it was either someone else's turn or we were going out for the evening elsewhere). Depending on how your feeling by then Im not sure the next host you do should be Xmas, which I can imagine are chaotic enough anyway with a large family.

Fab news re the fit note.

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks Ellenvan and Spendless

Being unwell has definitely highlighted a few changes that need to be made:

• Money - we did really well paying off our debt and saving our FFEF. But then we had definitely lost focus because we hadn’t really decided on a next plan. Thinking we were going to lose half of my wage later in the year definitely made us concentrate on it all again. We want to make plans and save towards them.
• One of these plans will definitely be to travel more, we’re thinking 1 foreign holiday, 1 UK holiday and a short foreign break for DH and I. With 7 of us, that’s expensive. Our older kids are working and we ask for rent, so we’ll expect them to pay for their own flights but we’ll do accommodation and food.
• More solo trips with our own friends, but these will come out of our personal spends
• I’ll be more focused on my health; food, exercise, sleep etc