Money Moral Dilemma: Should I bail out my son who wants nothing to do with me?

2970sarah

Are you not concerned that your son could be a missing person? I would look to report this if you havent heard from him in a long time. In the meantime you must have agreed for the friend to guarantee the loan in the knowledge that if he defaulted it would be your responsibility to reimburse and not the friends.

Emerion

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81953976#Comment_81953976

”this person” is described by the OP as a friend. This friend took on a substantial financial risk to help out his son. I think you need a bit more than “something I made up in my head” to justify make these sly suggestions. The friend will have proof if demands for repayment have been made. Even if she has morphed into the kind of person that would do what you suggest, she’d have to be pretty stupid to expect no proof to be requested.

CynicalSpecial

Your moral obligation is to repay your friend. She helped your son out because of her friendship with you.

How would you feel if the tables were turned?

Your friend may not have known that your son was piling up debt and, in any event, it was not up to her to keep tabs on your son's behaviour.

JPZ

Sadly, your friend may be legally responsible for this debt - but she was doing you a favour to help you out in order to assist your son with his debt. I think you owe it to your friend to ensure she does not suffer any loss. You should arrange settlement of the debt soonest, to ensure further costs are kept to a minimum. That said, I suggest settlement be made through a Solicitor direct with the Company chasing the debt, keeping your friend in the loop. That in itself will fuel more costs - but necessary to protect everyone's interests. Once bitten, twice shy! Following settlement, I hope you are able to locate your son….. Good Luck! JPZ

sheramber

If your son has gone awol he may not know that the debt is being chased.

Out of sight, out of mind.

If you were party to your friend being guarantor then, yes, you have a responsibility towards her.

You are not bailing out your son if he is not going to pursued for the debt.

You are bailing out a friend who trusted you and your son.

rebeccaderrington

This is a very sad situation and do wonder why your friend agreed to co-sign for your son in the first place? Unless your friend has a VERY substantial pension and/or substantial funds this could leave her in a precarious financial situation in which case I think you should cover the payment for your friend, but make sure your son will get nothing from you in the future, and if he does surface, he should be pursued relentlessly for the debt. Also if he is no where to be found, how do you know he has no assets and no job? Again so very sad…

mlz1413

It doesn't say how well the friend knew the son. But to co-sign for college funding I would have thought there was a connection over above just being friends with OP. But it doesn't say so I am speculating.

The son's debt are 10 years old, so how much has been paid off the original loan?

How much is interest due to not communicating with the debt collectors.

I do think there is some moral duty to pay towards the debt, but if this has been allowed to roll for 10 years then it depends on how much you knew and friend knew and when.

I would offer half, unless there is information you know of that means you can/should justify a different percentage.

Regarding the son if he has not been talking to both of you, then he clearly had some relationship with the friend. But when son go AWOL, was it as debts spiraled?

I would definitely talk to a solicitor about cutting him out of your Will and Estate, although I would leave him a £1 to prove he wasn't forgotten.

Bigfra46

Something Not right here, nobody can take money from someone's pension for debts. She signed for the debt. She can pay $1 a week

sheramber

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81955372#Comment_81955372

Are you aware of American financial rules that state debts cannot be claimed out of pension income ?

If that is the case why pay even $1 a week?

peterft

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81953859#Comment_81953859

Erica is correct, disinherit him. The scenario is somewhat confusing as to whether the loan was for study in the UK or US but morally you have to repay your friend who offered to help out.