Money Moral Dilemma: Should I bail out my son who wants nothing to do with me?

macdoB

So what needs clarification is:

1. did your friend agree to this with your son personally or only because of you? The responsibility you feel may be affected by this.
2. what does untraceable mean? There are methods of tracing people - they may cost a bit but that may be offset by how much everyone seems to be shelling out for him
3. How do you KNOW he has no job or assets if he is untraced?

Personally I would probably pay her back, try and trace your son and consider either/or/both helping him out of a dire situation or disinheriting him (in you will give his residue to a college to help impoverished students through college?). As Erica above says, be clear as to why he's disinherited as then it is more difficult to contest.

Davesquire

It is very easy for people who do not face the same issues or have the same problems as others to not understand and assume that the person suffering the problem should just sort it out.

Each of us are only a few steps away from being on the wrong side of such issues and our lives can change without any warning. It is very easy to feel smug when you are on the up.

I this case, I would hope that the son probably feels extreme shame so could not admit to his problems. This does not fully excuse him, but should help to guire judgement.

On balance, you should probably help out.

CobraMist

It looks as if your responsibility is to your friend. Did she commit to co-signing the student loan agreement as a favour to you, or on your request? If so, you should pay the money that is due - although there is no legal requirement for you to do so. Then, track your son down and ask him to pay you back.

Pollycat

It's impossible to answer this MMD as we have no idea why the originator of the MMD got her friend involved. Was she asked?

By whom?

The son or the originator of the MMD?

Did she offer?

(I do know how MMDs work!).

Is the originator of the MMD 100% sure that the US friend is telling the truth about being chased for the debt?

What does US law say about recovering money from a guarantor's pension to recover a debt?

Who is trying to recover the money? US government or a debt collection company?

Is this proposed deduction from pension the first notification the friend has had?

Is this a federal student loan or a private student loan? That makes a difference to statute of limitations (as well as what state the friend lives in).

Does the friend have any idea where the son is?

There are so many questions that need answering that the originator of the MMD really needs to share the full details.

In fact, no questions have been asked in this MMD. Just statements so not sure what is being asked.

Unless, of course, they just wanted a simple answer like 'leave your friend to deal with the debt' or 'you should cover the debt' - in which case a poll should cover it.

TBH, anyone offering or agreeing to be a guarantor in a situation such as this was seriously financially inept.

clydebankopinion

This is not really about your son and whether he is dodging his responsibilities. Your friend agreed to stand in your place for the student loan therefore you must pay (much as you dislike having to do it). You cannot allow your friend to be penalised.

easy

Your son, not hers. So you pay off the debt, then you track down your son, and make him take steps to pay you back

alri08

If you want the friendship to continue, you will need to pay. Yes she was the one who took the financial risk, and with hindsight it was a mistake, but she did it on the basis of your relationship. Realistically, if her retirement is made less comfortable by this debt, she won't want to be involved with you.

graymanuk

Legally, the position seems clear - your son and the co-signer are liable. Morally, it depends on how the situation arose. If your son asked the friend to co-sign and you advised strongly against it but she went ahead anyway, then perhaps you have no moral responsibility. If, as seems more likely, your friend was being helpful with your agreement, then you should make sure she is not out of pocket, either by paying her back or somehow contacting your son.

Also, as others have advised, you should obtain full details of the loan and the current demand. $27,000 seems a low amount for a US student loan so is the full amount much higher?

Emerion

She was unwise to co-sign, given that she was obviously mistaken in trusting that you would take on the responsibility if your son failed to pay. There is no question - you have to pay off the loan because she doesn’t deserve to be punished for her kindness. I can’t believe you’re even asking to be honest. Your issue is with your son, not this lady. You can take the money back by making an adjustment to your will if you want. I would also keep making attempts to contact him to make sure that he is OK.

Pollycat

If I had signed as a guarantor for a family member or a friend or a friend's son, I would have done so in full knowledge of what the consequences would be if they reneged on the payment plan.

I would be liable for the remaining amount.

If the originator of the MMD gave the guarantor some verbal or written guarantee that they would cover the loan if the son didn't pay, that is different.

I would under no circumstances commit myself to be a guarantor for anyone.

I have helped a family member out with money (a gift) during their student years but zero chance of being a guarantor