Money Moral Dilemma: Should I bail out my son who wants nothing to do with me?

MSE_Hope

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks…

My adult son lives in the USA and took out student loans in 2016, which my American friend agreed to co-sign for. She recently contacted me to say she is being chased for a payment of $27,000 [£20,000], or they'll deduct $1,100 [£800] every month from her pension. My son's nowhere to be found, has no assets, no job and refuses to speak to us. It's not fair to let my friend suffer this stress, but I resent my son for hiding from his debts.

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RAS

Can we just clarify if this was US student loans or did he study in the UK? Very different legal and contractual frameworks.

Jemma01

If that friend agreed to cosign on the basis that you guys are friends and you will cover your son if things go wrong, then I don't see why there's a question here. That lady doesn't know your son and wouldn't have been involved if it wasn't for trusting you to cover your son.

twopenny

I agree with Jemma. Your friend was doing you a favour. That's a lot of money to loose because of helping a friend.

I wonder why he needed to study in America if he or you couldn't afford it.

I would ask her not to tell the son if she has a chance. Let his conscience take a battering and hopefully some sort of life lesson.

If he gets into more trouble make sure it's you that is responsible.

elsien

agree with the above. You are not bailing your son out, you are bailing your friend out.
she did this for you. She wouldn’t have agreed if you weren’t friends. Time to pay her back.

Erica51

Morally you must repay your friend whom you asked to support your son. However you should make a new will with the help of a solicitor disinheriting him and explaining exactly why so he cannot contest the will. His irresponsible and callous behaviour should come back to bite him.

19lottie82

Was there a discussion with you before she agreed to co-sign for this loan?

If not then I don’t think you should feel obligated to repay this debt.

Trinity411

Personally, I would pay her back. I know it’s difficult but it’s your son’s debt and she probably only paid it because of her association to you. She is not responsible for your offspring

2702

Pay your friend she did it to help you out as only an American was acceptable to guarantee his loan in the USA and he needed someone in America to sign for him. If he had been in the UK you would have signed for him.He is your son your friend only helped out your son to help you out. It is the right thing to do.

egarobar

Many years ago I was like that boy. I wrote to my parents saying that they would never see me again and to forget about me, and I ran away from everything. My father, when he knew I was in trouble, got on a plane and came to find me, in spite of all this, and eventually he managed to bail me out of trouble - and I've never forgotten that.

I was not in my right mind really when it happened, and I needed the help. Does your lad need help? If so I would go and find him.

Missy15

Your friend presumably co-signed for the loan with your son, anyone who does that knows they are responsible for any debt as a result of non payment.

I would say it is down to her to chase him for it, does he still live in America?

She is 10 years on from signing, he is now an adult, why has she not said or done anything about this before now.

She must have known, as your friend, that he is not in touch with you, and could possibly have made checks on to what was happening with the loan.

For that matter you could have helped her then, so methinks you were not that close, why didn't you co sign your son's loan?