Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have to pay for my hair and make-up to be my friend's bridesmaid?

Fairisfair

The couple getting married need to live within their means, not yours. It’s not up to bridesmaids to buy their own dresses (that they will never wear again) and pay for hair and make-up. If the bride wants you to all have the same jewellery, they should give it to you as a present for being a bridesmaid. When I was a bridesmaid, I had to wear a flouncy white and lemon dress and white silk shoes that were instantly ruined by standing in the churchyard in mud and rain for the photos. I couldn’t enjoy the reception as a guest because there was so much to do. It was in the 1990s and there was no question of me paying to be a wedding extra as you are being asked to do. The couple divorced after a few years anyway.

Mr5Micawber

She should pay for it all! It sounds like you're willing to bear the cost of some of the expense though which is generous of you and she should certainly do her utmost to minimise that outlay.

Will52

Any enforced dress code needs to be paid for by the bride and groom, simple as that.

jedav

Why should someone have to pay for a dress that they haven't been able to choose? I had a near miss, with a good friend who didn't ask me to be bridesmaid because the venue was provided by an uncle (whose daughter was one bridesmaid) and the other bridesmaid had introduced the bride and groom. When I saw the dresses they wore(completely not my thing), I was grateful that I could choose my own attire, and I wore it on several occasions afterwards.

I understand that actors provide their own shoes, but costumes are provided by the company. However, it seems unfair to expect someone to pay for something that they may never wear again if it is not their style.

Perhaps your friend should have fewer bridesmaids?

Lowry1986

Sounds as if it's a wedding that's going to cost an arm snd a leg! Hopefully it's a once in a lifetime occasion. However, the majority of marriages these days don't last that long so just as many weddings are a waste of money. Sometimes the simplest of weddings are the best and the corresponding marriages more enduring.

Furthermore your comments suggest that this friend is probably not the most endearing. If you really resent all the expense, and I totally sympathise with that view, I would suggest you cut your losses and make some plausible excuse. No point being part of the 'happy,' occasion if you can't be happy about it!?

JayD

Hen do is traditionally paid for by the bridesmaids/friends as a treat for the bride - and usually contains surprise activities. The bride should be paying nothing for at all - although she may stand a round of drinks or two.

The wedding however is a different matter. Things are very expensive and it is understandable if the bride/couple can't afford to kit the bridesmaids and best man etc out. I would have thought, these days, it is normal for bridesmaids to pay for their dress - which of course they will, be keeping - and the bride pays for the hair, makeup and jewellery.

However, it is not unusual for a bride to surprise her bridesmaids with their dresses and accessories. After all, it will all be her choice. I am guessing this wont be happening with your bride. So, you need to talk to her and explain that you cannot afford to be her bridesmaid. If others feel the same, maybe you could suggest hiring dresses.

JainEm

My husband and I were invited to his cousin's wedding in Australia, as the previous year she and her fiance had attended our wedding here in the UK. What we didn't know was that my husband was expected to be a 'groomsman' and I would be a bridesmaid. The cousin's family paid for our outfits, including shoes, plus my hair and makeup. It was just as well, as I'd never wanted to be a bridesmaid and would not have forked out for the necessary attire etc. However, I did as I was asked with good grace and I agree with many others here that if the bride wants to decide how her bridesmaids will look, then she/her family should pay for it. My personal opinion is that these days there is often far too much emphasis and money spent on a lavish wedding, when it's the marriage that is most important.

Emmia

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81918898#Comment_81918898

You don't need to spend much on a BM dress. I've been a BM twice and the dresses on both occasions were bought in the sales for less than £40 each. My BMs wore dresses that cost £35 each.

The trouble is when you go to wedding shops for the BM dresses - you're better buying dresses intended for going to the races etc.

Personally I hate hen do's so I didn't have one. If I'd had a hen do there is no way I wouldn't have paid my share of the costs - I would never want people to subsidise me.

Pollycat

Just politely decline.

Weddings, hen-dos, stag-dos have become a pointless waste of money with these silly 'traditions'.

Great_Crested_Grebe

The bride wants something particular... She pays. Bridesmaids clothing, special footwear, special hair-dos, professional make-up ... She pays.