Invested my redundancy payout in a new kitchen, to be then told getting divorce and I need to leave

MEM62

Sorry that you find yourself in a difficult position.

The first thing that needs to happen is that you need to speak with legal counsel. The forum is great for general opinion but you need something more solid than that. The next thing is that your soon-to-be ex needs a reality check. With respect to the kitchen, I would suggest that, depending how far down the road you are with it, that you do not allow payment on your CC. If she still refuses to cancel it then she can work out an alternative payment plan with the supplier.

Be prepared for this not to be an easy (or cheap) process.

elsien

how old are the children?

Your wife needs to understand that splitting one household into two does tend to mean a reduced standard for all parties concerned.
It is also a reasonable expectation once the children are at school that she could work full-time. She may not want to. I don’t want to either, but I also need to keep a roof over my head - that’s life.

RAS

Suggest mediation and hope that person will explain that her ideas are pie in the sky.

It always costs more to run two households rather than one, so you'll both have lower standards of living.

As elsien explains the expectation is that with school age children both parents work more or less full time. And retaining the mortgage means that she needs to be able to afford it. I can't see that being a possibility.

If you pay CMS, she claims whatever benefits are available and then pays for housing. Generally, having a mortgaged property is disadvantageous on benefits, as you can only claim MIA, which is a loan.

Do not sign anything financial without getting it checked by a divorce lawyer. Meantime check wikivorce which has some useful information.

And if you can find anyway to reduce the kitchen situation, do it.

BikingBud

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81910846#Comment_81910846

Not only is it your house but it is also your credit card.

I am unsure how they do not view you as the customer as it is your card that is funding the purchase.

I would be in the shop and advising them, in writing, that you refuse to fund the purchase for someone with whom you no longer have a a relationship. If they continue to take the money is that legal?

If you do this and they deliver then at least they cannot argue you have not tried to cancel.

sheramber

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81922789#Comment_81922789

Will the money not already have been taken from the credit card?

BikingBud

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81922864#Comment_81922864

Do not know the Ts&Cs - might be deposit only until delivered might be whole amount either way as the payer then surely the contract cannot exclude you.

ian1246

OP - you mentioned you've been made redundant? Do you have a job currently? That is likely to have a huge bearing on any financial settlement.

Also - do not let her force you out of the home. Continue to live there until a settlement is reached.

As for the whole primary-caregiver thing for the children - if your still living with the children, you still have time to change that. You could become fully involved in caring for them and push for 50/50 equal care which would remove any liability for Child Maintenance and afford both children equal access to both parents, whilst affording both parents the opportunity to maximise earning potential.

I doubt for a second that your unpleasant ex-wife will agree to that, but you have as much right to those children as her. If you can't reach agreement, it goes to court. The key point there is "Status Quo". If you are genuinely as involved in the childrens day to day lives as the ex-wife, odds are good you'll get 50/50.

With regards to the refusal to cancel the B&Q Order and insisting the payment be made on your credit card - give her one last chance to cancel the order. If not, I'd be looking at reporting it as a criminal matter. Its financial abuse, which falls under Controlling and Coercive Behaviour.

Looping back to my original point of whether you've found a new job or not - if you haven't managed to do so, I'd keep trying (so you can evidence a genuine attempt to maximise earnings) but I'd also take the opportunity to increase involvement with the children - at least to 50/50, if not above that.

I'd also be insisting on the ex-wife maximising her earning potential as well - as is expected by the courts when it comes to divorce. You could potentially end up in a situation where she's the earner whilst you have no income…. which could significantly impact any eventual financial settlement.

Also, lastly, a 4 bedroom house is grossly in excess of requirements for a single parent and 2 children. I'd be arguing for a sale of the family home and split of the equity 50/50, in order to allow both parents to meet their housing needs (either a 2 bedroom - if young children - or a 3 bedroom house). If you have the children 50/50, it will give you as much weight as your ex when it comes to arguing for your housing-needs to be met. It will also, crucially, allow both of you to maximise your earning capacity (and thereby boost mortgage raising ability - making it more likely the housing needs can be met with a 50/50 equity split),

Good luck.

Slinky

I'd be asking her to move out and leave the kids with you. She's the one who wants to split, let her find somewhere else to go.

silvercar

cancel the credit card. Inform B&Q that you have done this. Very unlikely they will attempt delivery with no payment. They will contact her as the account holder asking how she wants to pay…..

elsien

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81932420#Comment_81932420

He can ask…….she can decline, so a bit of a pointless exercise.