Invested my redundancy payout in a new kitchen, to be then told getting divorce and I need to leave

sheramber

Consult a divorce solicitor.

You can often get half an hour free. Take a note of all your questions with you as it is easy to forget something.

marcia_

why can you not cancel the kitchen? Its being paid with your card just ring your bank if the store wont change the payment method.

Exodi

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81910621#Comment_81910621

Forgive me, I'm confused on your point - to be clear you don't have to wait for a fixed term deal to end to change who is on the mortgage. It can be done at any moment (assuming the new parties meet affordability, which obviously your wife does not), so there's not really any difference between trying to get off the mortgage just before renewing a fixed rate deal or after.

What can happen though, is people in similar circumstances to yours, who have Mesher orders might consider using it as a coercion tactic by refusing to consent to switch to a new fixed deal, forcing the mortgage payment up, with the intention of causing the resident parent to be unable to afford the mortgage, potentially leading to a sale or a repossession. To be clear, I'm not suggesting this for one second.

If you stay on the mortgage, even if she agrees to pay it but does not, you would remain liable to pay the mortgage payment. Either you make up the shortfall, or the house may be repossessed, trashing both of your credit ratings and likely significantly reducing the equity you both had. Also, if you remained on the mortgage, it's unlikely you would get another mortgage unless you earn a significant amount of money. That's why I'd recommend absolutely anything to avoid a Mesher order.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81910630#Comment_81910630

It just all sounds like emotional blackmail and bullying to me (browsing rentals for you to move into?).

There's nothing stopping you paying child maintenance and spending extra with them directly or splurging on activities, birthdays, etc at your discretion. I don't see how handing her money hand over fist to spend as she sees fit translates to how much you care about your children.

Of course you don't have to give extra.

The other example about her affording the mortgage is separate to the CMS discussion. She obviously can not afford to live in the house, I can't see any reasonable way forward that doesn't involve the house.

Sage advice from @Brie above - don't agree to anything quickly or in the heat of the moment, and especially not things as significant as this. When I went through a break-up my immediate innate reaction to most things was "No, screw you!" (as was my ex's) but then after thinking through things after we'd slept on it and calmed down, we'd be much more level headed. Unfortunately it seems she has a long way to come though to anything resembling a reasonable split.

Since I believe you are of similar age to a few friends of mine that divorced, I will mention that while it may be tempting to agree to a one-sided arrangement now, as a nice gesture to her, or as some sort of display of admiration to your kids, think about how you will feel about it in several years time if/when you have both moved on.

born_again

I actually do care and feel they are bullying me, gaslighting me and writing things down to try and bait me into things and agreeing to things I do not want to

Time to take legal advise & sign nothing they want.

End of the day they can want all they like. What they get is a different matter.

Reverse the situation & say that if you move out, then how is she going to pay the mortgage, as you can not afford to do that & live elsewhere.

born_again

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81910735#Comment_81910735

You can't just cancel a payment. Card payment is a guarenteed form of payment.

MayDogsandCoffee

Check with CAB over consumer rights, but if the kitchen has been ordered but not yet 'in production' you can cancel, if in production you may have to make part payment. Is the fitting included? Cancel fitting and sell units if you have to take them.

doubled1989

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81910735#Comment_81910735

b&q wont because the actual b&q account is in her name and they will refuse to talk to me because "gdpr" even though it is our house…..

doubled1989

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81910758#Comment_81910758

thanks

Brie

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81910831#Comment_81910831

B&Q doesn't put things into production for their installs. They just order the components to be shipped a couple of days before the installation and arrange for the installers to rip out the old and put in the new. All the bits can be returned at any point so that might be a solution for the OP - wait for the delivery and refuse to accept it or return everything themselves for a full refund. Just the installers to worry about at that point. Much cheaper to deal with.

MayDogsandCoffee

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81910991#Comment_81910991

Yes, that is why I put it in commas - I have never bought a kitchen from them so not sure on their process. But you are right, once delivered have it all returned within allotted time scale as per terms and conditions.