Looking To The Future With Hope

RhiBi

After reading @Onebrokelady thread I feel so inspired and in awe of how someone can be so positive when they’ve faced such adversity that I’ve decided to start a diary. Now, I can’t promise that I’ll keep this up, as I do have a tendency to start things full of enthusiasm and then I stumble and give up, but we shall see.

To give a bit of background, and honestly, it’s not for sympathy, I’ll tell you a little about myself whilst trying to keep some level of anonymity.

I’ve recently found myself single after a relatively short 2nd marriage. The reason being there was domestic violence, physical, emotional and financial. I’ve got 4 adult children from my first marriage. Sometimes I wonder if it’s karma that I am in the situation I’m currently in - my very good friends tell me that absolutely not true. I ended my first marriage after a cancer diagnosis. I wasn’t happy, we lived like flatmates, and I guess the diagnosis made me re-evaluate life and I realised I couldn’t live like that anymore. I later met and married my second husband. Not long after the wedding things changed. Alcohol use, job losses (him) led to arguments, which led to a smashed television (because it was hit me or smash the tv) name calling, putting down, physical, which led to being found guilty of assault by beating. And still, I stayed for another year. Like I said, I felt it was karma, I broke up my family for selfish reasons.

Anyway, a year later, my brother got him to leave.

My debts stood at £38,000. One £12,000 has been written off, one small one wasn’t and I’m awaiting answers on the others. Oh, the solicitor fees and fine were paid on my credit card. A lot of the debt was built when he was out of work, buying alcohol from the joint bank account which meant I had to buy groceries, petrol and essential living costs on credit cards. At the moment, I’m not paying the debts and am waiting for them to default and then start a self managed DMP. So far, I’ve managed to save £1400 in an emergency fund. It’s sitting in a chase account which has 4.25% interest. The joint account has obviously been closed!

So, this is where I am. I’ve my 2 wonderful dogs who for a while were the reason I got up in the morning. I’m back in work on a phased return, and it’s time to look forward, not back.

I’ve lived on crumpets and toast for months, so I’m trying to batch cook as cooking for 1 every night isn’t appealing. Today I made a curry, and tomorrow I’m planning to make chilli and a leek and potato soup, portioning some to freeze. I’ve not owned a Microwave for years, my old one broke and I only ever used it to heat up beans or Christmas pudding, so I never replaced it. I am considering whether it would be useful now though.

Well, I think I’ve waffled on for long enough, so I’ll leave it there now, and I promise to update soon!

MillQueen

Hello! The first thing I thought on reading this was how brave you are. And it’s great you have got an emergency fund. The batch cooking sounds good. A microwave would be a worthwhile investment and you can probably get one for less than fifty quid, but to be honest I don’t have one either as I find heating stuff up in a saucepan works just as well. Good luck with your debt free journey.

RhiBi

Thank you @MillQueen I alternate between thinking brave or stupid if I’m honest, I’ve always said the same about a microwave, I think I’ll see how I go with the batch cooking and reheating in a pan/oven/air fryer. If it becomes a hassle, I may look on marketplace and see if I can pick one up.

honeybee1234

Nice to see you here! I think a microwave would be useful for heating up frozen meals. I had a look and you can get a budget new one for just under £40 from a couple of the big supermarkets, so you could probably pick a secondhand one up for half that on Marktplce depending on your budget.

Look forward to you posting, you're doing great!

RhiBi

Thank you @honeybee1234

At the moment I’ve got leek and potato soup on the hob and I’m going to make a big pan of chilli later. It’s a good job I’m a hoarder of unbranded storage containers as I’m going to need them!

This isn’t at all MSE, and I’m happy to be berated, I have berated myself too! Last year I booked and paid for me and my husband (I don’t want to use that description, but I guess in law he still is) to go on holiday in March. It was booked to be away over the 10 year anniversary of my diagnosis. By the time I got around to thinking about it, I was left with 2 options. Cancel and lose all money, or go on my own, having paid for w people but only 1 actually going. My SIL, then offered to pay for half the holiday plus name change, and we go together. So that is what I’m doing. The money she gave me will be spending money and any left over will be put into the emergency fund. It may w ll be the last holiday I have for a long time, and I could do with some winter sun. So 2 weeks tomorrow, I’ll be off to Lanzarote for a week.

With the debts I have, maybe it’s unwise, but the money had already been spent. I’m trying to justify it to myself here!

in_need_of_direction

this seems to be the only option that brings in some cash so it’s as mse as the circumstances can be

RhiBi

I’ve got 3 portions of leek and potato soup in the freezer, 2 portions of chicken curry and rice, and I’ve left a portion out for food this evening. I made a bit of a gaff with the chilli. I’ve cooked it and have no red kidney beans here. If I can’t put the chilli power in, I’d have turned it into bolognese. I’ve logged an NSD for today so can’t go and get some. I may just put it in the fridge for now, and put in the beans tomorrow before freezing. I’ve got a can of mixed taco beans here, whatever they are, I’ve obviously picked them up accidentally instead of the red kidney beans. I’m not sure what they are and if they’d be ok to substitute though.

Anyway, I’m sitting down with a cuppa tea and some Welsh cakes that my mother made me!

joedenise

I think the mixed taco beans would work in a chilli as they are just beans in a spicy tomato sauce. The other alternative is just to freeze as it is and make a note on the bag/box that it needs kidney beans added. I've often done this.

Once I get the beans the next time I go shopping I'd just drain the beans and split into 2 or 3 portions and freeze individually (I don't like loads of beans in a chilli!)

RhiBi

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81894929#Comment_81894929

That’s a good idea actually, I’ll do that. Thank you!

RhiBi

I’m up early thanks to dog #2 wanting the toilet, so I’m now sat in bed with a cuppa tea, and he’s back asleep by my feet. He’s only 7 months old so I’ll not being harsh with him needing the toilet, I’m glad he’s learnt to tell me, although a paw on my face at 4.50 am isn’t what I’ve trained him to do!! My other dog is4 years old, and he is just adorable, although I am biased. They’re both poodle mixes, years ago they’d have been mongrels, but now they’re ’designer breeds’. They get along, although despite the box full of dog toys, they fight over the same one! I guess they’ve been through a trauma too with everything that’s gone on so I’m trying my best to give them a happy and calm life.

I’m in work today and through work I self referred to talking therapy so I’ve got that today. It’s my 3rd session, and it is helping. I’ve developed quite bad anxiety, and worrying that any decision I make is going to have a catastrophic result. An example is, that when recently I got in the car food shopping, and my thoughts went to wondering if the decision I made to get in the car at that exact time will lead to me being in a fatal car accident. I know it might sound over the top, but talking it through with the counsellor, she said that I seem to not trust myself to make a safe decision, based on what I’ve been through. This really resonated with me, so I’m trying my best to put things into perspective.

I’ve made lunch to take to work, so I’ve logged an early NSD so the kidney beans won’t be bought today either! The chilli is in the freezer so I’ll buy the beans whe I need to get milk, which will probably be tomorrow or Wednesday.

Humdinger1

Subscribed @RhiBi. What an inspiration you are! No karma in my view, just a series of unfortunate events over which you have triumphed. Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx