Need fresh eyes on my budget!

foxgloves

@honeybee1234 - I did think you probably would already be batch-cooking at least to some extent, so it will be really helpful to be able to send your daughters home with occasional meals - both for them & for your budget, as it will be more affordable than giving them money. I think it's a classic nice way to support them without overstretching your budget into debt. We regularly schedule in a jacket potato night here too. We usually choose something different for our toppings (one of my favourites is tuna melt with salad or cheese with coleslaw while Mr F likes to make what is known in our house as 'Epic Man Stew' from a roundup of all sorts of leftovers). I also like a bowl of home made soup with a chunk of crusty bread too. Filling & cheap.

I agree with other people posting that the Ubers for your son are eating into your budget, but as I have had lived experience of anxiety, I do understand that going out to drop him off & collect him yourself is difficult. I couldn't really come up with any solutions, given that public transport links aren't there. Sharing a lift with another parent/pal is a great idea as long as there is someone nearby attending the same clubs/events. I'm sure you've already looked at this, but is there any alternative route which you would consider driving, which might just squeeze within your acceptable zone of tolerance? I know we are all different, but I was just thinking back to when I was suffering from anxiety & I found I felt much more comfortable driving on less busy, more rural routes & back roads than I was on the much busier arterial ones, which I assume was because I was less likely to find myself grinding to a halt in unmoving queues of traffic, idk. I don't know what the answer is tbh, I think we'd all probably just like to save you paying such a wodge of your budget out for taxis. I've no idea what they charge these days. Back in the Jurassic Era when I was a student, I remember we all carried a spare £5 note tucked in the back of our purses in case we needed an emergency taxi home. I should think that wouldn't even get me to the end of our street now!

Take care now,

F x

KxMx

Some taxi use is unfortunately part and parcel of life when you are disabled/ don't drive. And taxis are expensive.

However running a car is very expensive too once you add up all the costs, but this seems considered normal and is rarely raised when people post SOAs.

honeybee1234

@Blackcats @ellenvan @KxMx @foxgloves

The Ubers are for his hobby which he goes to by himself, so no friends or parents to ask about sharing lifts with unfortunately. @foxgloves I have thought about your suggestion of potentially finding an easier route to drive, it's something I've considered previously and I relate to the finding a quiet route more manageable. The issue a lot of the time is the actual leaving the house and there is nothing I've yet found to work through this. It's horrible and limits my life so much, and even when I do manage it, there is the inevitable comedown after where I have to put time aside to basically recover from the adrenaline that floods me.

I do have a car which I do use for manageable short journeys such as the weekly grocery shop with DP. I'm dictated to by what my brain fits into acceptable parameters but even then I still have the anxiety and panic.

Blackcats

thank you Honeybee for being so open with us about your situation.
It's great that the scrutiny you are doing of your spending and costs is helping you be aware of where your money is going and what you might be able to cut back on and what needs to stay.
for years I used to kid myself that I spent about £100 a week on groceries. I didn't! I spent about that on the big weekly shop, then I did top up shops and then when I decided I didn't have anything for dinner we would go out and eat, when I started properly looking at my spends I was flabbergasted.

Oh and did you watch the batch cooking programme that's just started its 2nd series? Some nice ideas that might be of interest for you to suggest to your kids.

honeybee1234

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81899298#Comment_81899298

I can relate to this somewhat with the groceries! I have been working on it with double portions so we have enough for two days from one meal, a budget day tea for the last day of the week, getting better at using up leftovers and using the Lidl app for the coupons, free stuff and the 10% off.

This morning I went shopping to Lidl to use said 10% off. It was slightly busier than usual, assume this is due to payday weekend. I was armed with a shopping list and my Lidl app, stocking up with all the ambient groceries I'll need for March with the 10% off coupon. I spent 85.15 out of 300.00 - which is my budget for all groceries and pet stuff for March. I will be doing a Sainsbury's order for the things I can't get from Lidl to be delivered next week, and a small Amazon order, then I can see where I am with the budget for the rest of the month.

I still haven't finalised my budget - I'm having analysis paralysis again and am so worried about messing it up that I haven't finished deciding what to put in each pot. I really need to do this because this is what really hurts my budget as I end up spending this cash on generic "stuff."

elsien

Just remember that changes aren’t fixed and can be changed again if they need to be. As an expert procrastinator myselfI do sympathise, but it’s going to be a matter of ongoing adjustment for a while. And that’s okay.

honeybee1234

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81901973#Comment_81901973

Noted 😊 I'm actually terrified of messing this up (again) and the potential realisation that that's maybe just who I am. I never judge other people on their finances and situations because I understand that life can be challenging. But I feel I myself should have gotten through that, I'm not a teenager or a young person who's making their way in the world anymore, and I judge myself massively for not being further on than I am in life.

I sound quite defeatist saying that but I am very into getting this right. I'm going to bite the bullet and tackle assigning funds to pots this afternoon. I'm planning to chat to my oldest two about my situation, and explain I cannot afford to supplement them as I have been doing, but I am happy to contribute an affordable amount to DD at university which I'll probably send as an e gift card for groceries. Not sure about my eldest yet as I keep changing my mind between contributing a small amount, or putting some money in the 'kids' pot to dip into if they ask but only if they ask.

I've been sooo frustrated this week as it's seemed the more I'm focusing on how to do this, the more random requests have come in from the kids. I love my eldest but I've felt like the Uber fund to work, and DD at uni asked for money for a bill and laundry and there's something else I can't recall. DS asked me if I could book his Uber to his sports club yesterday and I had to dig deep and say he needed to ask his Dad (I also asked him anyway, and Dad said yes.) I'd realised I was providing a steady stream of Ubers when what I thought was happening was we were sharing the costs (club 2x week, I've been paying for one evening's Ubers each week and realised DS had only been going on that day all month due to a heavy month of studying and long days and I hadn't joined the dots. )

I just have real trouble asserting myself! And also I'm not always able to keep track of what's going on around me (thus the Uber situation referenced above.) I've been working hard on this anyway - it's with the kids I struggle.

ellenvan

The trouble with kids I have found they don't think through the consequences of asking for money. Your son Ok for Ubers that's fine.

That's for the adults to define who pays.

But your others need the situation spelling out to them or they will be a long time standing on their own feet.

You're doing great, just keep going,it's getting easier as you put boundaries in place.

foxgloves

Hello honeybee1234,

I do understand your difficulties in going out - it is a very difficult thing once anxiety crosses into agoraphobia. I only mentioned the possibility of driving a different (entirely devised by you) route as I know this was one of the ways I was able to get myself back to work, etc, years ago when I was signed off with this condition. You are doing well to manage supermarket visits - these, I know, can be difficult because of the crowds, bright lights, over-stimulus from all the colours, stuff, etc, so there's definitely hope while you are able to do this.

Now, I just wanted to say that nobody gets their budget/pots right first time. I certainly didn't, & there are lots of us on these diary boards who came to budgeting later in life. I was in my early 40s when the lightbulb moment struck, had never budgeted before & I turned 46 the year we paid off the last instalment of debt. It isn't 'all or nothing'. I think a couple of my early failures were due to being unrealistic, but also, as I know I've mentioned before, not having enough Savings Pots categories so that when something else came along which wasn't covered, I'd be dipping in to cover that too. I also made early mistakes by being too lax in what I included. For example, I'd work out how much I needed to put away each month to cover a holiday rental, but wouldn't remember also to include the cattery fees for boarding whiskered friends, or spending money/food for while we were there. I also didn't leave a sufficient buffer zone when I set the budget each month to mop up any small things which cropped up. I think I was too worried I'd simply see it & spend it! The whole thing is a learning curve & although I would now describe myself as having demonstrably strong budgeting skills, it is something that has grown.

It IS ok to tweak things, honeybee. Yes, if you find you are constantly dipping into the 'wrong' pots for certain items, then while I know this is annoying, it can actually be a helpful indicator that something isn't functioning quite right elsewhere. I think my current budget system is about my 4th one & I still add additional tweaks. I added one last month - in fact Mr F suggested it - & we started a 'Grocery Underspend Pot'. Nothing earth shattering, but just an organised way of ensuring that any little oddments of underspend are sent to a pot so that they are still there for groceries on months where we have spent more heavily or if we want to make use of a good deal, or even have some extra food money for Christmas or family visits. If I decide at any point that any of our Pots no longer work properly for us, I will delete them or try something else. I think you may be starting to have information overload as lots of us have shared ideas & you have sparked some good & interesting discussions so I think it's probably time to draw up a budget & the methodology of how you intend to manage/monitor it, then give it a trial. I think we often have to run things for a little while to see how they bed down, don't we, & then we are in a more informed position for making alterations.

I agree with @ellenvan, that in the longer term, it isn't helping your adult daughters to be bailing them out with money & you don't really have it to spare tbf. I know I'd have had to get acquainted with budgeting MUCH quicker had my parents not bailed me out fairly often. You can still help them out in kind in all sorts of ways, but your income isn't enough for regular subsidising their everyday lives & I think you can see that continuing to do so is going to make your goal of getting a functioning budget in place much more difficult.

Why not try your new budget & the usual money saving measures for March & then evaluate it at the end of the month? It would be interesting to see which things worked well & which might need a tweak. There's no shame at all in not getting it right 1st, 2nd, 3rd or even 15th time, as long as each time, things are moving towards something which works positively for you.

Good luck!

F x

KxMx

Have you looked to see if Uber are offering you a free trial of their rewards program Uber One?

You earn 5% back and occasionally free upgrades like a more comfortable car.

I hoard my credits and get some free journeys when I've got enough.

I was extremely lucky to get a 12 month trial, and with my usage I'll easily earn over the monthly/annual cost.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/team-blog/2025/09/is-uber-one-subscription-worth-it/