Need fresh eyes on my budget!

honeybee1234

All read and digested @Dakota_Rose @elsien @Debtfree2026 and @foxgloves !

I was very excited at the prospect of zero cc debt, but the general consensus of holding some back for an emergency fund makes total sense, especially as I'm basically building my pots up from near zero. I do actually feel more comfortable doing that, paying off a large chunk, while keeping the longest 0% balance to work on.

Last night I was laying out my March budget as it stands, initially based on my regular bills and outgoings, and was adjusting my monthly grocery amount to work with what I've actually spent this month is more than I allocated.

I've also been noting items I haven't specifically budgeted for previously, but are regularly being spent on:

• Ubers for DS to get to his sports
• Contributions towards DD at uni (irregular so this does vary each month, but there are some regular items such as grocery shopping and laundry)
• Contributions towards eldest DD
• Boys' things which have included things such as haircuts, stationery type things that DS has needed for his studies, and some random things such as when they've been a little short when out with friends.

I do actually have a 'haircuts' pot for this reason so think I need to utilise it. I also have a generic 'kids' pot which I originally made for unpredictable expenses so am going to fund this as well.

Speaking of children, I had a chat with my eldest. They actually approached me about paying me back for some of the expenses accrued on my card. We had a discussion about their finances, what's going on with them, and where they're struggling.

It turns out in a previous job last year a couple of months before Christmas, their manager messed up and they didn't get paid at the end of the month. This pay is what goes towards the bulk of their rent (they have two jobs) so there was a lot of getting behind on things to pay rent, then getting behind on everything else. It's had a knock on effect and so this is where they are now.

They went off after we talked, and did a rough budget of their own volition, showed me, and it's soooo tight. Couple that with unpredictable hours in their day job, and... Yeah. There's a lot that needs thinking about across the board.

I've said I appreciate they want to pay me back, but the last thing I want is for it to come at the expense of their budget. So for the moment, we've agreed a very small token payment and we're going to finesse the budget and discuss things such as them moving, support via UC, council tax benefit and the discretionary support fund. I never ended up sharing the figure of how much they'd spent because they clearly felt bad anyway, and are a mess of anxiety about everything going on in their life atm.

So changes are afoot, which appear to be generally positive, and I'm planning to spend some time with the eldest soon to support with their budget and talk through life decisions. It'll be quite a constructive conversation, but hard work to sift through everything. Worth it though.

ellenvan

That's excellent that your eldest approached you re repaying. Even if you don't take up the offer, except token payments.

You said you didn't mention the amount though.

Maybe you need a better way to help them.

A fixed sum might be better. If they approached you and asked for example for £4,000 - you would say sorry can't do that at the moment. However £350 a month adds up to the same.

If they gave your card back and then you occasionally transfer £50 for example, you would be much more in control.

foxgloves

Yes, that was a really good way into 'the conversation' for your daughter to approach you on the subject herself. All budget information is useful, even if the key point to take away ends up being that her current budget will pretty.much only cover essentials. That will show how important finding a higher paying job is going to be, going forward, though I know this is a difficult time for young people in the jobs market, so I don't mention it thinking it's an easy-peasy task. Does she ever have time off when she could visit & the two of you could batch cook 2 or 3 different inexpensive meals to portion up for your freezers? I'm thinking that's a practical thing which could help both of you on busy days because it's homemade ready meals. I know I'm probably boringly evangelical about meal planning, but it is one of the most effective everyday money savers in our house. Avoiding the perils of the top-up shop is another money leakage which food planning mostly eradicates.

It does sound as though all your listening, reading & thinking is starting to come together into possible solutions.

F x

MillQueen

I love how maturely and openly your eldest has approached that.

Dakota_Rose

Love @foxgloves suggestion above re joint batch cooking and agree that you are definitely sounding solutions-minded at the moment.

honeybee1234

@ellenvan I'm looking at my March budget and the best way to support the eldest. I've not decided but I'm wavering towards putting aside a small amount and having it there to use with the understanding that if they do need it, once it's gone, it's gone. I acknowledge they're in a tricky position but I'm happy to support a little in the interim if I can see they're working on their finances to be self-sufficient.

@foxgloves I do send them home with portions of batch cooked food when they visit, along with cake 😁 I do batch cook, I tend to menu plan 3 meals for the week with at least 2 portions to have on successive days, then an easy day where it's beans on toast, jacket potato or something else easy and cheap. I don't tend to top up shop - I have agoraphobia and so a top up shop outside my regularly scheduled weekly shop fills me with horror!

@MillQueen yes it was great. Despite how it may have sounded, they are a lovely person, they tend to live their life rushing through every day and it's all very hectic and anxious. They often don't stop to take a breath for days and so I get how things have got to this point.

@Dakota_Rose I do indeed feel very focused! The proof will be from the start of March - I am incredibly good at planning how to adjust my budget, it's the execution that always, always goes awry!

I think this is because a) I'm not realistic about what comes out of the budget, eg Ubers for DS is something that's not ideally part of my budget so I've just ignored it when planning, then obviously DS needs to get there and so I pay it, it comes out of a random pot or my spends, and boom... The budget is blown! Then b) things that don't fit in any pots, this throws me, I end up raiding a random pot. I need an initial buffer whilst I'm working through this I think, and can then adjust the following month as needed.

in_need_of_direction

re the uber journeys, could a part of these be made by public transport?

honeybee1234

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81894796#Comment_81894796

I wish they could but it's not accessible unfortunately which is quite frustrating. My ex doesn't have a car so that's not an option either. Me and the ex tend to go halves but even then I'm still paying between £16-£20 a week. It makes me wince typing that but it is what it is for now.

Blackcats

i was pleased to read about your refunds. I agree with others about the emergency fund and rather than thinking that you are still in debt because you have the emergency fund rather than throwing it all at the credit cards, think of yourself as debt neutral. You could pay off your debt if you absolutely needed to. Hopefully you can watch the final residue of debt reduce and your emergency fund will grow with added interest.

are their parents of DS's friends who could sometimes give him a lift? Perhaps you could offer some money towards their petrol which would be cheaper than taxis. People are often very willing to help if they are asked.

you are doing really well! Your plans for March budget are a great starting point and you can adapt and adjust better now you have a better understanding of what you are spending.

ellenvan

I agree Lift sharing is a very good option to suggest. Using Ubers on that regular basis is an expensive option. I would be considering whether they are absolutely essential. If for work, then reconsider the shifts,times etc.

Even if someone is going part way it would help.