Need fresh eyes on my budget!

foxgloves

Hello @honeybee1234 - I noticed you were back & really keen to get your budget under control. I think it is difficult with your income not being enough to run your household as well as supporting adult children, but that's already been discussed. My oldest nephew graduated last year after a 4 year uni course. He isn't the sort to spend on designer stuff & I know he bought all his food supplies in A*di, but it was just ridiculous what young people are expected to pay in rent. He tried moving into a shared house to split costs but I don't think it saved him that much as it was quite an expensive city. He was fortunate to get some bar work while he was living at home doing his A-levels & so he used that experience to get similar jobs throughout his time at uni. I don't know if your student daughter works (apologies if you have mentioned this) but any part-time work would help her with her expenses & is also something to put on a CV. Even if it is nothing connected to her chosen future field of employment, it can be good to have something on one's CV which can be bigged up into work ethic in an interview. Lots of people have already said that you can't really afford to support your adults daughters financially, but supporting them in kind, such as a nice meal, a box of groceries, a listening ear, all of those things are so helpful. They will be well aware that you don't have spare cash to give them. You could also help them with budgeting. I wish I had, had the rudimentary basics of this before I went away to uni. I hadn't seen any budgeting in action at home - my parents were quite comfortable financially & they either bought things, or they didn't, I don't remember budgeting being talked about really.They bailed me out a few times. I was so grateful at the time, but in retrospect (I was in debt from the age of 19 to my mid-40s), I think this prolonged my debt-seeking behavior, idk. So I'm just thinking that particularly with your daughter who is working, helping her with a budget could be a really positive way of helping? It's a hard one for me to put myself in someone else's shoes on this, as I don't have children.

Re. your 'food for thought' questions. Interesting, & just the sort of questions that need to be asked when tailoring a budget to fit one's individual circumstances. I include pet food (we have 2 cats) in with our monthly grocery budget, also general cleaning stuff - washing-up liquid, multi-surface cleaner, loo cleaner, green bleach, washing powder, etc. Most of this we get from our eco-refill shop, which doesn't always work out cheaper, but does mean that customers can buy however much or little as they like, which can save money in another way, of course. Loo rolls are also included in our normal monthly grocery budget, as well as foil & baking parchment & that kind of stuff. Other less frequent household stuff - things like tea towels, coffee filter papers, tin opener, pots & pans, etc, would come from our House & Garden Savings Pot. I think you make a really good point about bulk purchases as we buy a huge sack of cat litter from our village garden centre & at £14 a sack, it would take up too much of a weekly target grocery shop, especially as we also need a 40 box of cat meat most weeks. So this will sometimes be paid for from the Meow Savings Pot, which is primarily there to cover vet bills. We can cover Ash's biscuits from the monthly grocery budget, but Soot has special biscuits from the pet shop which are 3 time as expensive so again, those usually come from the Meow Pot. I think it's ok to be flexible within reason. Obviously if we were having to deplete our Car Maintenance, Clothing Savings Pots or others for cat supplies, I'd need to think about refocusing a few budget areas.

As for Personal Spends, I think this is area which really does come down to individuals. Our Personal Spends cover toiletries (apart from basic household things like soap, bubble bath, etc), coffee shop visits, anything we want to buy for ourselves, but I know that other people also cover clothes & perhaps some of the things someone else might fund from a different pot. We have 2 rules with our Personal Spends: 1) It can be spent on whatever we want without any judgement 2) When it's gone, it's gone until next month's allowance.

I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I know when I was learning to budget in my early 40s, I did find it useful to hear how other people's systems worked. The most important thing is that it works for you. I had never budgeted until I hit my early 40s & the long overdue LBM struck & it took me 3 or 4 attempts to come up with a budget system which worked for us (or rather me, as the resident Budgeter in Chief….Mr F just has to stick to it!)

Sending positive vibes anyway. You sound so determined to get a strongly functional budget together, I think you can do it as long as you are realistic about what your current income can cover in terms of other people.

Take care now,

F x

Blackcats

I think it's helpful to monitor and work out how much your pet costs, bulk items etc are actually costing you each month. Then you know how much to allocate and can put that money into a pot that works for you. I put mine into one pot with groceries. The monthly budget takes a hit on the week when I stock up on these items but does even out as the month progresses.

Your reflection on positive/negative progress is great. No negative self talk though so I'd say it's positive or work in progress 😉

As for the credit card debt, the financial institutions have lots of people working on how to maximise their profits through us using their products and fully intending to pay off balances but not quite managing it. I've clambered out of that cycle now and never want to go back but it is hard. This little MSE haven is your ally throughout your journey.

honeybee1234

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81888492#Comment_81888492

Yes, I've been using the pots in my account, though I need to refine them. The only one I'm using with any regularity is saving for insurances.

Today has been an NSD, though I will need to pick up more milk tomorrow. Tea for today and tomorrow are using up leftovers from the fridge and spare wraps to make burritos and wedges.

Today has mostly been spent having a quiet day at home. My anxiety is really high atm, it ebbs and flows and is very present right now so I'm working on reducing the adrenaline with a lot of calm, snuggling up with the cats, muscle relaxation and the like. I'm making notes of things I'm reading here that are useful to tackle when my brain decides to work properly again.

MillQueen

Have you got a community pantry near you? Those are often good to join. I have found the Too Good to Go and Olio apps to be good for getting cheap food. Now could be a good time to cut out alcohol completely. I’ve saved a load of money by never buying any drinks at all - I only have tap water now and occasionally tea. If you must go out to a restaurant, there is an app called First Table where you can get 50% off. Though I’m living by the quote “if you’re broke the only time you should see the inside of a restaurant is if you’re working there” and have only been to one so far this year... I really resented the money I spent! I’ve also found that shopping at our local Asian store is quite a bit cheaper than the regular supermarkets for many things. I got about 60 toilet rolls for a tenner, and huge bags of dried stuff like rice and lentils.

honeybee1234

@foxgloves I read your reply with interest! University can be so expensive, the accommodation is a good standard but proportionally against her income is wild. She's operating at a negative deficit from the start, it's very hard.

Your nephew sounds like he had a similar experience, right down to the shopping at Aldi. What your nephew did with part-time work is what DD is doing. She's just started a new job which will help. We did look at the hardship fund so we'll revisit that as well.

I have spoken to my eldest about budgeting and I agree that this may actually be more helpful than constantly stepping in. They do try but then life intervenes. I keep telling myself they're an adult now so I offer help without imposing but I have very recently realised I'm being used as a buffer. I knew they were struggling so I said they could use one of my cards if they found themselves in a predicament, ie they needed to get home from work at 4am on their own and had no money, or they needed to pick up a fee groceries as they were short until payday. I counted it up the other day and they've spent £350 over this last month on Ubers, food at work and groceries 😱 Some was specifically requested, but I never meant to be supporting transport to work every day.

I need to have a big chat when they're next free about moving forward and showing my support in other ways because that is an insane amount of money and they need a bit of tough love.

I have noted your thoughts/suggestions around my pondering over pots etc, and will add them to my list of things to tackle on my budget.

honeybee1234

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81888779#Comment_81888779

I have a rough idea of pet costs, so will add these in. I think I'm going to go for a separate pot and tackle it like that.

I feel horribly embarrassed about having credit card debt. I'm not against a planned spend on a 0% card, paid off within the offer period, or used for monthly spending then paid off in full. It's the feeling of not being able to run my budget and having relied on cards which I then have these never ending balances on. I feel so ashamed, I'm an intelligent person, I should be able to handle something as basic as keeping within budget!

And lastly I shall adjust my reflection to 'positive' and 'work in progress' as you suggested!

honeybee1234

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81888927#Comment_81888927

Thanks for the thoughts. I don't actually drink so that's something in my favour. I rarely go out for food so another plus point!

I keep reading about Asian supermarkets so I really should go to investigate the one in town!

I think there is a community pantry in town as well, I'll look into this and see what I can find out and report back.

ellenvan

Just read the £350 spend post.

That's not just the odd emergency.

If they actually realised what that did to your budget I am sure they wouldn't do it.

Very tough love needed. Definitely help with budget. Set a small limit on extras.

foxgloves

Yes, I have to say I agree with @ellenvan. Finding out that your daughter used £350 of your money in a month must have come as a shock. It's far too much - emergency groceries at the end of the month would surely be more around the £20 mark. Packed lunches need to be taken to work....I speak from experience here as pre -LBM, when both Mr F & I had full time jobs, we spent a total of around £2000 a year on buying lunches & snacks on work days. Taxis should also be a last resort unless they are affordable from your daughter's own income, not to become a default setting which you are paying for. Time for some tough love as subsidising your daughter isn't helping either of you. I wonder if she even knew she had spent as much as £350 of your money? Time for the reality of living on her own income....something I wish I'd learned very much earlier. It's definitely an essential lifeskill. I think you need to take your card back if you haven't already. Life DOES intervene & that's why budgeting is so important.

F x

Blackcats

@honeybee1234 - please don't feel embarrassed about your credit card debt - feel pleased that you are going to tackle it and feel determined to do your best in your own way to bring the amounts down.
I looked up credit card company revenues and with interest, fees and retailer transaction fees the credit card companies collectively earned circa $176 billion in 2020. I think that's $176,000,000,000 but I might not have worked out how many noughts that amount is 🤷‍♀️. That revenue is fuelled by people like us been hooked in. I think most of us on this thread have had or have got credit card debts. Keep up the good work - you will get there.