Job seeking

ChasingtheWelshdream

Veloflyer said:

It's not clear to me why you feel so accountable for him still.

Easy one there. He's my son.

Hi, I have been dipping in and out of this thread as it resonates so much with our similar situation - or at least potentially unfolding into one. I feel your dilemma.

The above comment hits the nail on the head. It is so very easy for others to say ‘just do this, they are an adult, just make things more awkward’ etc. Logically yes. Emotionally it is harder as our kids will always be our kids.

In our case, people have advised that we should  essentially kick our son out the family home, and then he will ‘have to stand on his own two feet’. That may well be, but would we be able to sit by and watch our child potentially be homeless while he ‘learns’? No. We want to support and encourage and will always feel responsible. 

So I can offer no solutions (except for definitely not subbing his rent indefinitely), but my heartfelt support, and that you are not alone.

ChasingtheWelshdream

I don’t want to hijack this with our own situation. But what I have learned as that it is all to easy to forget that we are not our children.

I have always been very independent, and worked my socks off to maintain that independence. I had no option, bank of mum and dad didn’t exist. At 17 I had left home and worked 3 jobs to afford my rent and maintain a car, alongside evening college. If I wanted something, I worked bloody hard to do it. That was just me.

So now I struggle to fathom why our own son has zero motivation at the same age. Work, play, study, aspirations, dreams, hobbies, driving - no anything. We have beaten ourselves up countless times as to ‘where did we go wrong?’. 

The simple answer is, we are different humans. 

I guess what I am trying to say, is looking at your son through the eyes of your own experience at his age, is simply projecting yourself from a different time. Things were different for each previous generation. I think young people now do have it harder. Not that that is any excuse, but my own experience of dropping CVs into employers and getting an interview the next week, having no issue renting or buying houses on modest wages is sadly not the norm nowadays. 

If you do find the answer, let me know! 😆

Altior

ChasingtheWelshdream said:

Veloflyer said:

It's not clear to me why you feel so accountable for him still.

Easy one there. He's my son.

Hi, I have been dipping in and out of this thread as it resonates so much with our similar situation - or at least potentially unfolding into one. I feel your dilemma.

The above comment hits the nail on the head. It is so very easy for others to say ‘just do this, they are an adult, just make things more awkward’ etc. Logically yes. Emotionally it is harder as our kids will always be our kids.

In our case, people have advised that we should  essentially kick our son out the family home, and then he will ‘have to stand on his own two feet’. That may well be, but would we be able to sit by and watch our child potentially be homeless while he ‘learns’? No. We want to support and encourage and will always feel responsible. 

So I can offer no solutions (except for definitely not subbing his rent indefinitely), but my heartfelt support, and that you are not alone.

I don't have offspring, but I was fortunate enough to have parents when I became an adult.

I doubt anyone is suggesting the OP should abandon their son, not assist them in times of distress, provide advice when asked etc. 

This scenario to my reading of it feels well past that. At 21, in my view an adult should be making their own choices and be accountable for the outcomes. Certainly determining their own career progress/prospects. 

Perhaps there is a generational thing here because when I became an adult and capable of working, if I wanted anything I was expected to earn it myself. And contribute to the household expenses whilst I was still living at home.