Investing in Us: Holidays, Health, and the Road to £150k

beanielou

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81959064#Comment_81959064

Not long at all. My friends is 5 weeks today I think. It’s coming round so fast now.

daisy_1571

Jessy beautiful dress

1st time, white lace 'proper' wedding dress, glorious sunny day, was still living at home so proper moving out was that first night in the flat together that night, traditional fairly large amount of people to the ceremony and meal then more arriving at night for the dancing etc etc. Lasted 3 years.

2nd time, already living together waiting on my divorce, once that came through wedding arranged for about 2 months time, left from our flat in the morning to get ready at respective parents (meant to be unlucky traditionally), pale green (meant to be unlucky colour) slub silk dress, I wore pearls (meant to be unlucky as they represent tears i think), downpour as we got to church and thunderstorm during the ceremony so no photos outside, 12 at the meal then loads of people to the local golf club for the dancing, home and life as normal till 'honeymoon' 8 months later with his mum and dad, little brother and a pal 😀 35 years and still going strong 😆 🤣 😂

Do what you want, wear what you want, schedule it how you want, invite who you want, dance to what you want, eat what you want, be as formal or informal as you please. Its one day, the only actual thing thats important is for the ceremony to happen, but its lovely when you can attend a wedding and say that was really representative of the couple 💑 👏

As an aside, I think its really sad if people say their wedding was the happiest day of their lives. Why did we ever get sold that idea? That means it was all downhill since they got married 😆 . Surely the days that follow are the happiest, deepening year on year into much deeper love, happiness, contentment, togetherness, taking an interest in each other, supporting and helping each other etc etc. You pair sound like you have that going on for you both so you'll get your day sorted and both of you will feel special no matter what you decide xxxxx

Watty1

Great post Daisy.

Weddings should surely be about who you are and what makes you happy and I am convinced yours will be just that.

Jessy103

Thanks Daisy x

Also, completely agree with you. This was my 2nd wedding and DHs first. The reason my dress was so cheap was because I didn't want to go into debt for a dress or a wedding! We had much more important things that we wanted to spend our money on. We had the wedding and reception all in the same place and spent just about £6k altogether and it was wonderful!

Please don't feel pressure from anyone DFW, it's your day not there's, you wear and do what you want! X

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all 🌼

Daisy you're right and I know it. Jessy that dress is beautiful ❤️

Also, I am just not one for being centre of attention anyway so I think this is also why I want a small wedding. Not bothered about a big dress. And when it's second time round for us both, we've lived together for six years already (wow where did time fly) we are just wanting a quiet one where it's about legality rather than setting up our life together.

My first wedding was a disaster. We already had one son, our DS1. I was pregnant with DD. And boy, was I sick, every day even at 5-6 months pregnant. Then ex decided he'd book it and go off on an exercise with the army (not a compulsory one) and left me to sort catering, entertainment, decorating it, I was also at uni during a busy period of several assignments being written and juggling motherhood and the morning sickness (all day sick 🤢). Also on the day before I did all the catering myself. I also decorated the room with some uni friends. And then on the day ex got absolutely hammered and I ended up having to carry him home almost. Oh and half my family decided to boycott last minute when I really could have done with some moral support.

RED flags everywhere 🙂😅😅😅😅

I can laugh now. But omg it was so stressful.

So this time round, our house for the party, music will just be on an echo or something, food -bring something to share if you're coming and I'll sort some drinks and food. If people don't turn up this time when they've said they will I remain composed and not care. This will have to go for DS2 whom I know is hearing dad bad mouth me all the time (DD confirmed this) ...I suspect we'll probably spend around £1000-1500 overall and that's plenty 😀. I'm merely stressing over dresses because I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with my self image after early menopause. I see all my friends of my age still struggling with periods and peri meno so I should be happy 🤣🙈 I'm past that now lol ... but I've not quite come to terms with what's in the mirror yet. I intend to speak to the counsellor about this. I think it stems from a few things on top of menopause weight and ageing and I'd like to address them. I want to find a good book I had years ago on mirror work where you work on your self esteem and self love...think it's time to re do this. Need to remember the name of the book ... might have been a Louise Hay one.

DS2 has gone silent again. I feel ex is probably pretty green eyed at the fact I've moved on, I'm happy and he's not- in the messages it transpired that he is moving back to London in a posting. I think this is what caused his bad mood. He will be further away from his new victim. He came looking for his usual punch bags. Me and DD. He also told me that he's annoyed that DD tells me everything, I asked if he thinks DD should keep secrets from one parent to another? This is a massive red flag and one I hear of often in abusive relationships where one person manipulates or intimidates the victim into remaining silent. And after hearing what he'd got up to with my kids I'm not happy about this.

He did a good job of rocking my new foundation taking DS2 from a stable home but I think he can see it didn't destroy it. So he's upped his game. He's been snipey and rude to me over messages this whole last week it started when I asked him if he'd left DS and gone abroad whilst DS was still in term time. He was rude and passive aggressive and on the attack. He also said he'd parent how he felt like parenting and going forward me and him should have some boundaries in place. My insides turned to jelly, he was talking to me like he used to when married, like I am child and he is adult. ...and DP thinks it will build and build until he tells me something devastating right before we're due to get married so that it ruins my day. Because apparently DS2 has a big secret and he will tell me when he's good and ready. And so, DS2 has gone silent whilst his dad and I snipe. I have hidden the chat with ex now..and disengaged but I am livid with him. I do actually fear for my DS2 some days.

The twitch in my eye went, did I say? It went until ex started talking to at me on WhatsApp. Stres...my old friend. 🙈

Anyway I am trying to remain upbeat and happy, just feel for every step forward I take either a side step or one back.

Today, I'm reading my book, and trying to get back to the equilibrium I found earlier in the week....

Greying_Pilgrim

Oh goodness - I feel so bad. DH and I got hitched (after many years of living together), in a registry office, and wore "outdoorsy" clothes. I had a pair of (expensive, branded) walking boots that I'd been gifted (secondhand/old), I'd bought a new top (blue and cream) from see-salty, a blue gilet and my walking trousers - which were just on the cusp of getting too small around the waist, as I was then in my first trimester of pregnancy, which hadn't been forseen when we booked the gig! Our witnesses were 'rentals' (council staff on their lunch-break), and we had our wedding 'breakfast' in the form of a picnic, in a local beauty spot on a country estate, which since has been sold, and closed for public access. I couldn't even have a glass of the local sparkling wine, as I was pregnant. We did both wear safety pins on our clothing (lightly concealed), to denote that there were 3 of us in this wedding 🤣 - I think that counted as the 'borrowed' as I loaned them out of the sewing kit that was in the SC apartment we'd booked for our stay for the wedding/honeymoon.

I'll freely admit, this was how I wanted the day to be. A dress (of any description), a church do, being "given away", having to invite people you didn't want to share your day with, or pay to feed, is my idea of h3ll. First (and hopefully only), marriage, and still going strong after over 3 decades together. Which doesn't mean we agree about everything, and that we don't fall out. But we do complement each other quite well with our strengths and weaknesses, and we certainly work well together as Team Greying, with LG.

The walking trousers have long since been ragged - I did manage to squeeze back into them post-natally, But I still have the see-salty top, and the gilet, and wear them both. The walking boots got walked to their demise, and it was unfortunate that I didn't realise they could be re-soled, until it had gone past the point that they could be fixed - otherwise I would probably still have them too - soooooo comfortable.

Had you seen DH and I walking into the council offices, you wouldn't have thought we were there to attend our wedding, but what mattered to us was the 'process' of getting married, and what that meant going forward into the future, for us, and our longed for child.

You do you boo!

Greying X

debtfreewannabe321

I love that @Greying_Pilgrim and love the outfit 🤣....hearing others wedding stories is certainly helping me realise not every wedding needs to be church, white dress and large party after (however in my family this is usual because they're all Catholic and we've a huge family and weddings are a big deal) ...I just want my children there and the rest I really don't care about too much 😀 (well maybe some nice cake would be good)!

debtfreewannabe321

I've read another book 📖 And sold the old freezer. I tried my luck with the price and it was picked up a day after listing it for the price I wanted 🙌🏻😀 (which was the price I paid for it!)

We're nearly done with the patio foundation. Rain and lack of energy to carry on stopped us (mostly DP but I helped a little). And I made a nice roast dinner. Quite a nice chilled day really 😊...

I have my first lymphatic massage in the morning which I'm looking forward to as well 🙂🌼.

beanielou

Can DD’s BF help further with the patio? Enjoy your massage.

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all,

@beanielou bf said he'd hurt his foot half way through the last job so I told him to stop but he refused. Yesterday it was still playing him up so I begged him to go to the walk in centre...he has a stress fracture ☹️🙈 and I feel completely responsible now. He has said it was Hurting a little bit before he started doing the job for us but I am not convinced. So I daren't ask him again for more because he is so keen to impress us that he'd work through pain I think 🙈.

I'm back from my massage. She correctly picked up I'd had issues with my gut, with stress and found all my tension points where I don't realise I'm carrying stress until it's hurting. My tummy was the worst point for stress and tension and she could see that my recent stressful period has impacted my body and as I thought it's affecting my ability to eat properly (continually feeling sick and intolerant to things). She wants to work on the gut going forward for the next appointment although not neglecting other areas we both felt if the gut was right then the rest of the issues in the body would ease. It's why I've been through several pre/ probiotics over the last two years, tried different diets etc and it hasn't really helped. She also thinks it could be responsible for some of the weight gain and a few other things I've been wondering about. I will continue with the low pressure on my digestive system diet I was already (sorta, on a good day) on. And up water intake. I've been really bad with this and she thinks I'm dehydrated- I agree. I hydrate with my shower now and what goes in me is usually tea. My skin would concur with that also I can see dehydration when I look at my skin with fine lines etc. She worked on all lymph nodes up and down my body and the only bit that was tender or hurt was my throat area and my tummy (there was one very sore spot on there). So I have a small massage to help ease the tension in two areas until my next appointment on Saturday. She said it was one of the hardest tummy's she's ever seen 🫤.

I'm hoping that this alongside the diet, water, meditation and counselling will be enough to switch off my flight/ fight mode because my body is just exhausted now from continually being in it. She also said this was probably happening without me even asking or prompting if she felt the same.

This- making me feel better - would be the ideal thing to happen as opposed to me quitting my job our of sheer desperation and exhaustion.

So today - 8 glasses of water 💦 🥛

5 small meals (already had breakfast at 7 and I've just had a banana and will get a small handful of nuts) and three more through the day..I'm struggling with a large dinner every evening which leaves me bloated and feeling nauseous. So she suggested trying this.

Meditation.

Read some of my new book on the vagus nerve- I finished the POTS one (also much about ME in there) and it was very interesting because it suggests doing exactly what I was drawn to doing - healing trauma in the body through much of what I talked about above.

I will also make a meal plan, perhaps go shopping today but maybe not ...and my plan is to bulk cook to put into my new freezer for next week's return to work.

I feel quietly positive about all the small changes I'm making in helping myself. I need to switch noise off from stressful people around me (ex and newbie are the ones who spring to mind but because of my heightened stress states I'm feeling it from random places when out and about- i.e one place we were in the other day was too bright and it utterly stressed me out, and another place was too noisy). I will get there. I've got resilience and motivation and determination on my side.

Okay, off to enjoy some sunshine as I never know how long it will last (clouds everywhere!) might read my book out there if warm enough otherwise just a few small pottering jobs and come in to read. 🙂🌼❤️

Oh and dentist has just cancelled - even better 😆.