Investing in Us: Holidays, Health, and the Road to £150k

daisy_1571

I suppose the only thing is you do the amount of work you can reasonably do in a day. If that's more or less than her so be it, you know you are doing all you can, fair day for your pay. What you shouldn't be doing is taking things off her or offering to do extra?

D

Queen_of_the_Hive

Morning @debtfreewannabe321 , I was wondering how you was getting on with the new colleague and the lights situ… hopefully said person decides the role isn't for her and peace is restored for you all soon.

Well done on the NSD's. Loved that you had a salad made for you, so nice! The movie room sounds a big hit!

debtfreewannabe321

Afternoon all,

what a day. I did finish early though as two meetings ended quicker than I had blocked out on my calendar so that was good. I was home by 3.20 but then spent the best part of an hour writing an email catching people up on results of the meetings, but also sent an email to the tutor asking what the heck am I supposed to do with colleague as she is just awful to me. I have spent the best part of the day out and about (on purpose so I didn't need to be in her space) and so we have only spent perhaps an hour together today. In the main office, stonewalled. In the classroom, I had popped in briefly to catch up with people and I don't think she expected to see me there, so she came in, her face quite literally dropped, she put her coat down, she walked out. No hi, no how's your meetings been, no oh we've been doing this today. Nothing. I had a knot in my tummy and nearly came out of there sobbing. Went off to a couple more meetings and then went home, still with that feeling of dread. -tutor just messaged back and asked me to send it off to boss to review. I guess she doesn't want to get involved. Rightly so, how awkward huh. Edited to add- I have sent a formal letter to boss now as DP & I feel this is akin to bullying. Odd that she is so meek and quiet - yet controlling and coercive with stonewalling and switching lights off and getting up and leaving every time I enter the room, and I am quite loud in comparison but I would never do this to anyone, not even those like her that I don't particularly like- her behaviour is akin to what my ex used to do to me, to punish me when I 'acted like a child' 'didn't act in the way he wanted me to' he would ignore me as if I didn't exist. He once didn't speak to me for two and a half weeks- i timed it. ☹️ she is making me feel like he did.

I have a day mostly in the office tomorrow as I am only in one meeting tomorrow so I will have to just avoid her and maybe try to speak to my boss in person.

I got lunch out and about so not a nsd today, but a lsd, less than a fiver for a meal deal from Mr T.

DP has mapped all floors now in the house for Dex, and although he objected to him at first i think he secretly likes our new pet 😂 in fact he's now complaining about other jobs that take too much time up out of his day because I haven't had time to do them what with working full time. So he's now wondering what other machines and robots he can buy 😂 he made dinner last night and liked the rice cooker too as he's not great at cooking it on a hob, so some useful spends last weekend even if a little expensive.

daisy_1571

As I was reading i was wondering why this was bothering you so much but of course you went on to explain it so eloquently. I'ms o sorry you had that experience but she's not him, she's not doing this to be like him and you can limit the time you are with her (which you are doing beautifully btw) as you don't live with her. You might never know why she is being like this, she might not know herself but it sounds like its definitely about her not you. I hope your colleagues around are noticing and the bosses do bring it up at her reviews (which hopefully are happening regularly as an employee has the right to think its all going well if nothing is brought to their attention. My understanding is that anything that might lead to probation not being passed should be brought up in plenty of time with the employee getting plenty time and guidance to fix it)

I hope you can leave it all behind as you leave the workplace, no point giving her rent free space in your home life

Dxxxx

debtfreewannabe321

A couple of people have noticed it... I've spent much of my evening stressed and worried about the email I sent even though I know I had to raise the issue. Have cried most of my evening away, I think I'm over tired, I'm struggling with new routine, new job load, having to learn new things and new full time hours and she's just tipped me over the edge. I hate moaning about people but I think the email to the manager was the right thing to do. But, I'm left in knots now wondering how it will be handled as I hate confrontation. The ex has definitely caused this distress in me and been the sole cause of this trigger. And although I know it's not the same, to my emotional body it feels the same way and is bringing up all sorts of uncomfortable distressing feelings. ☹️

I just hope tomorrow goes quickly so I can have a couple of days respite. Then I'm on countdown to a week off.

KajiKita

That’s a lot. Sending you huge, gentle, soothing hugs x

KK

Watty1

So impressed with how you are coping, so you might feel you are not but you have identified why this is so triggering for you and taken some action. Sending love

debtfreewannabe321

Afternoon all, so I'm on work. This morning was a bit all over the place and I did take half hour to do a personal errands thinking, well since I've started I've not had a single day where I've taken an hour. My appointment this morning finished early so thought, why not. So the dress and top I didn't want have been returned.

Colleague has decided to ignore me first part of the day 🤔 then as I came back from appointment she's suddenly chatty? Has someone spoken to her? Who knows. She was chatting to everyone BUT me in the office this morning. I'm waiting to see boss as she is in and out of meetings. I'm absolutely exhausted did not sleep well last night from utter adrenaline crash and stress. I do not like working like this but also feel bad if I put a complaint in. Can't win. Can I 🙈

I'm finishing at 4:30 today so at least I will have a weekend to just chill hopefully. Need to catch up on my sleep.

jwil

I hope you can relax this weekend x

debtfreewannabe321

I'm home, we ordered in, and I opened a bottle of wine leftovers from Xmas. It's the weekend! Yay!

The meeting with boss was interesting, new C had done the stonewalling and gaslighting with the boss ... Completely denying things she's said or done and ignoring her and making demands from day one. She's also been in there moaning about me the little cheeky bee itch 😳 - her moans- people like me better than her. I know how to do things over and above her head and I'm not explaining it (um I'm new and learning alongside her and it's not my job to do so even if I did know what I was doing), I have a key and she doesn't, I ask questions and she doesn't even know what questions to ask, the students like me better than her, ummm and basically the list went on like this. They all sound like her problems not a me problem. It's already been stated to me, that her contract won't be renewed come summer hols but I have until July to work with her 🫩🥴 I've been told to just be cordial and not bother trying any more than that because it's quite clear she's not receptive to anyone there. Other people had also noticed things and said to boss....I hadn't realised this. It's made me feel I'm not going mad and not alone but I do still need to work with her on one day of the week for most of the day. The other two she's in I will try and book my meetings and appointments on those days. It's also been sent to boss that she's not doing the same amount of work I am and none of it really is to standard. So at least I've had some recognition for good work already and I still am learning the ropes. It's also been stated by two members of staff they think she's jealous/ intimidated by me 🙈 just because I know my way around and people like me, imagine that 🙈🤦🏻‍♀️.

The office was quite fun this afternoon as someone was playing a practical joke to get their own back on someone who'd done the same to them earlier in the week. The original tricksters desk was transformed into one with stickers all over it 🙈 I wish I could be there Monday to see her face 🤣. However I've a full day out and about planned. And Tues is full too. Thursday not so much sadly and Fri is training as it's half term. Then a week off....so I can do this..I also booked a week at Easter so I have holidays to look forward to every six weeks or so. Need to do the same for my summer hols too still.

I really am tired from all the stress of the last few weeks, I need a quiet weekend now to finish my book, set Dex on his merry way cleaning (because we've no pets and no small kids any more he's doing an adequate job tbh) and I just need to do a few washes.