Debts and DV

ManyWays

 In my case I haven’t paid any on those cards.
Then there is nothing to be refunded in an affordability complaint

RhiBi

Thank you for clarifying that @ManyWays

RhiBi

Just to update, I’ve received an email from CAB stating that they are going to send the letters for write off this week.  They have said that they are not hopeful of success!  I don’t know whether this is just process and something I should escalate myself further down the line?

They asked me to consider how I would manage payments going forward so I have said that I will be looking at a DMP that I will manage myself - with the help of you knowledgeable people on here.

ManyWays

If / when one is rejected (as its really unlikley all of them will be accepted!) you do need to look at cutting back your expenses. A water meter is a no brainer, the clothes is high, talk to your doctor about stopping smoking. A lot of the other lines can individually be justified but they are adding up to a lot - hairdressing plus toiletries plus skin of £100 - try to halve it. Gifts of £100 a month isnt reasonable. I take the view that its ok to spend more in area (eg your dogs) if you spend less in others, but you seem to be towards the maximum end on a lot of the lines. 

If you dont want to do this, then your other options are to sell the house and buy somewhere smaller, or to get a lodger. Will any of your children come back and live at home for a while after uni? 

RhiBi

I will look at cut backs in areas.  I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting a lodger though.  My 2 youngest daughters are likely to come back after uni, at the moment, they are partly here when not at uni.

I am keeping a spending diary to see where I am spending, more is going on food than I realised, and is actually higher than my SOA.

Any write offs would be a bonus, but CAB have made it clear that it’s highly unlikely, so my plan iat the moment: in addition to looking at what I actually spend, and what can be cut, is to let all cards and loans default, then look to manage a DMP whilst saving an emergency fund.  Is that reasonable?

ManyWays

I think you should let your daughters know that it would be lovely to have them living back with you, but they will need to pay some rent. Not excessive or market rate, but you can't let them live for free.

Brie

Default>Emergency Fund>DMP.  Maybe a couple of lower settlement figures will be offered that your EF can clear?  Just a thought.

And I agree about daughters having to contribute - whether it's a set figure for "rent" or them buying all the groceries.  I'd suggest you share your SOA with them to show what you have to pay for living expenses - it's a valuable lesson they need to learn if they haven't done so yet.  I was always grateful for my MiL giving me a list of her monthly payments for gas, water etc when we got our own place - it helped me manage somewhat.  And it was a small act of love too I think.

RhiBi

Thanks again!  So for now, I sit tight and wait, saving an emergency fund in the meantime.

when the time comes, I will be speaking to my daughters about contributing in some way.

Highlanddream

How are things going @RhiBi ?

RhiBi

Thank you for asking after me @Highlanddream I’m plodding along, the time of year isn’t helping my mental state.

i don’t need judgement on this, I already know!  Normally I would spend about £500 on each of my children for Christmas, yes I know it’s ridiculous.  Obviously not having access to credit, which is a good thing, I’ve had to cut right back, which they understand.  I’ve spent about £150 on each daughter, again no judgement please.  I’ve been able to fund this due to stopping paying all non priority debt.  It does mean that I’ve not started my emergency fund, but that will start in earnest in January.

its been difficult as I’m trying to navigate my emotions and thoughts, Christmas, finances, all whilst dealing with family, some of whom are pushing me to do things I’m not ready to do.  They mean well, but at this moment in time, people telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing isn’t helping.  Right now I feel like handing over the presents then locking my front door until it’s all over.