Debts and DV

RhiBi

Hi, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here but I really need your help.

i have recently ended my marriage which included physical, emotional and financial abuse.  I have been in contact with CAB, they say it will be hard to get any write offs due to financial abuse but they will try.  My husband was in and out of work and spending on our joint bank accounts which was funded by my wage.  This left me having to make essential payments on credit cards.  He also made in clear that his money, when he did earn, was not to be spent on my family and so that too was put on credit cards in an attempt to not show family the reality I was facing.

anyway, my debts are around £38,000.  CAB say that I will be looking at an IVA or DMP.  I’m confused on which is better.  They are going to write to all lenders on my behalf to see if any write offs are offered but are not helpful.  I should add that some of the credit card debt is solicitors fees as he was charged with assault by beating (on me) last year.  He was given a conditional discharge and a fine, the fine was paid on my credit card.

I have done a budget sheet with CAB, there are a few additions that need to go on it which I have emailed them to say.  I’m trying to add it here but I’m struggling.  They’ve said it’s likely that my case will be passed to Payplan, but from what I’ve read on here, that isn’t always a good idea.  They also advised me to contact all creditors and ask for breathing space.  I did this, which was hard as I was explaining the circumstances, all were very kind and gave between 30-60 days breathing space.

i have asked for a budget for gifts/Christmas of £100 a month (4 adult children plus other family) and also a going out budget of £50-80 a month.

i use my car as part of my job.

The virgin and barclaycard are currently on an interstate free deal.  M&S bank is actually a loan, not a credit card.

im just looking for advice, trying to navigate all this whilst deal8ng with my emotions and mental health is so hard.

Your budget

Date: 19 November 2025

Reference:

Overview

Total income

This is the total amount you receive including wages, benefits, pensions and other allowances. Based on section 1 below.

£2,300.00 per month

Total outgoings

This is the total amount you spend including rent, electricity, mobile contracts and food. Based on section 2 below.

£2,008.77 per month

Available to creditors

The amount you have left after paying your bills and other expenses.

£291.23 per month

Priority debts

3 below.

"Priority debts" are debts that can cause you particularly serious problems if you don't do anything about them. Based on section

£0.00

Non-priority debts

"Non-priority debts" are debts where the problems they cause are less serious. Based on section 4 below.

£38,752.00

Section 1: Income

Description Amount Frequency Monthly total

Earnings

Client's salary or wages (take home) - Basic wage only £2,300.00 Monthly £2,300.00

Section 2: Outgoings

Description Amount Frequency Monthly total

Home and contents

Council tax/rates (including water charge if you live in Scotland and rates

in NI) £167.00 Monthly £167.00

TV licence £14.54 Monthly £14.54

Utilities

Dual Fuel £91.84 Monthly £91.84

Water

Client budget sheet 1 of 3Description Amount Frequency Monthly total

Water supply £59.87 Monthly £59.87

Care and health costs

Dentistry and opticians £66.67 Monthly £66.67

Transport and travel

Car insurance £42.54 Monthly £42.54

Road tax £17.06 Monthly £17.06

MOT and ongoing maintenance £83.33 Monthly £83.33

Fuel, parking and toll road charges £200.00 Monthly £200.00

School costs

Other school costs - Money sent to children at University £200.00 Monthly £200.00

Pensions and insurances

Building and contents insurance £19.77 Monthly £19.77

Professional costs

Union fees £25.00 Monthly £25.00

Communications and leisure

Home phone, internet, TV package (including film subscriptions) - BT £20.00 Monthly £20.00

Streaming service subscriptions - Kindle £9.49 Monthly £9.49

Mobile phone £20.00 Monthly £20.00

Food and housekeeping

Groceries (e.g. food, pet food, non-alcoholic drinks, cleaning) - groceries £270.00 Monthly £270.00

Groceries (e.g. food, pet food, non-alcoholic drinks, cleaning) - Dog food

subscription £130.00 Monthly £130.00

Laundry and dry cleaning £40.00 Monthly £40.00

Alcohol £40.00 Monthly £40.00

Smoking products £100.00 Monthly £100.00

Vet bills and pet insurance £50.00 Monthly £50.00

House repairs and maintenance £100.00 Monthly £100.00

Other food and housekeeping costs - Pet grooming £16.66 Monthly £16.66

Personal costs

Clothing and footwear £100.00 Monthly £100.00

Client budget sheet 2 of 3Description Amount Frequency Monthly total

Hairdressing £30.00 Monthly £30.00

Toiletries £30.00 Monthly £30.00

Other personal costs - Skin care £40.00 Monthly £40.00

Savings

Monthly saving amount £25.00 Monthly £25.00

Section 3: Priority debts

Description Amount owed Monthly repayment

Description Amount owed Monthly repayment

Secure Trust Bank Plc (Unsecured Loan / Bank Loan) £810.00 £0.00

Marks & Spencer Financial Services Plc (Credit Card) £4,403.00 £0.00

Novuna Personal Finance (Unsecured Loan / Bank Loan) £12,565.00 £0.00

Nationwide Building Society (Unsecured Loan / Bank Loan) £5,426.00 £0.00

Next Plc (Catalogue / Mail order) £989.00 £0.00

Halifax Bank of Scotland (Credit Card) £550.00 £0.00

Barclaycard (Credit Card) £4,211.00 £0.00

Virgin Money Plc (Credit Card) £9,798.00 £0.00

fatbelly

It looks like you may own your own home outright. Is that correct?

And you have adult children who live elsewhere, so you are now on your own?

You may have read on this board that we recommend defaulting as a first step. When did you last pay these debts?

Write-offs are possible but you have to make out a case for them to do it and it doesn't sound like CAB are committed to that strategy. Have you been helped by any agency or charity over the past couple of years? I wonder if stepchange may be better here

https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/coerced-debt.aspx

Ms_Chocaholic

Did you want advice on what you are paying out? Just your water bill seems high if you live alone - £57 ish, are you on a water meter?

Brie

My concern is that in Section 3 the title is priority debts and yet what follows are all non priority.  If CAB has said that's correct then they don't know what they are talking about.  

I imagine that it is difficult to deal with a lot of this as the emotional toil doesn't stop just because you are no longer with your husband.  So please be patient with some of my questions as I hope to help in some small way.

Is it possible to redo your income and expenditure but to put it in to the standard statement of affairs that we use here??  See the link to SOA in my signature.  That will make it easier for the regulars to see what is happening.  

I wonder too if CAB is the best place for you right now.  Granted it's great that they are helping but maybe there's other resources you should try?  StepChange, NationalDebtline, CAP (Christians against Poverty), CMA (Community Money Advice) are others.  

I think too that you should consider submitting evidence of some sort to the various creditors about your reason for accumulating debt.  You might start with the Debt and Mental Health Form (come back for details on that if you are interested) or look at asking them to write off on the basis of the credit granted being unsuitable.  There's lots of resources/templates on DFW Sticky-Provit/Statute Barred Letters, Defaults, Mental Health Help and Guidance, all here. — MoneySavingExpert Forum

But meanwhile - well done for stepping forward into what will hopefully be a brighter future.

RhiBi

Thanks for the replies.  I have no priority debts, all are up to date.  I also have been given the debt and mental health form by CAB which I have asked my GP to fill in, as I have recently been prescribed propranolol for anxiety due to the situation too.

i will attempt to do the SOA but bare with me as my brain is struggling to focus with so much going on in my head.

no I’m not on a water meter, CAB did suggest it, I am wary, I think mainly because of historical horror stories that I’ve read.

RhiBi

Also, I don’t know if this is relevant, I am 53, will I be expected to access my pension at 55 to help pay off debts?  I won’t have anywhere near a full pension even if I work u til 67, I work for local government for 10 years and apart from state pension, that is all I will have pension wise.  Thanks

RhiBi

fatbelly said:

It looks like you may own your own home outright. Is that correct?

And you have adult children who live elsewhere, so you are now on your own?

You may have read on this board that we recommend defaulting as a first step. When did you last pay these debts?

Write-offs are possible but you have to make out a case for them to do it and it doesn't sound like CAB are committed to that strategy. Have you been helped by any agency or charity over the past couple of years? I wonder if stepchange may be better here

https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/coerced-debt.aspx

This is complicated.  I don’t have a mortgage, but I jointly own the house with my ex-husband, father of my 4 adult children.  Two of which are in university, so when they are not in uni, they share time between my place and their fathers.  The other 2 have moved into their own properties.

all debts were up to date until this month when the first defaults will start.

fatbelly

No-one can force you to take from your pension pot. 

Nor should you.

Smudgeismydog

fatbelly said:

No-one can force you to take from your pension pot. 

Nor should you.

And if you just have the Civil Service (Defined Benefit) pension, then accessing this will mean starting the pension income at 55. This will incur a significant early retirement factor being applied, effectively the income will be reduced due to you accessing at a younger age. It also means the income will be added to your employed income and attract income tax.

If this is the only pension provision you have (apart from State pension), then you really should leave it where it is, until you need it for your retirement. 

As @fatbelly said, you can’t be forced to take it.

RhiBi

fatbelly said:

No-one can force you to take from your pension pot. 

Nor should you.

Thank you both, that is a relief.

sammyjammy

RhiBi said:

fatbelly said:

It looks like you may own your own home outright. Is that correct?

And you have adult children who live elsewhere, so you are now on your own?

You may have read on this board that we recommend defaulting as a first step. When did you last pay these debts?

Write-offs are possible but you have to make out a case for them to do it and it doesn't sound like CAB are committed to that strategy. Have you been helped by any agency or charity over the past couple of years? I wonder if stepchange may be better here

https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/coerced-debt.aspx

This is complicated.  I don’t have a mortgage, but I jointly own the house with my ex-husband, father of my 4 adult children.  Two of which are in university, so when they are not in uni, they share time between my place and their fathers.  The other 2 have moved into their own properties.

all debts were up to date until this month when the first defaults will start.

Is there a plan to sell the house?  Is there a formal financial arrangement with the ex?

I would say don't take any action without a plan, there is alot on your SOA that will be questionned if you go with a formal DMP plan, nothing stopping you doing it yourself if the write offs are unsuccessful.

Look after yourself, thats the first priorit.