Debts and DV

Grumpelstiltskin

I agree with Sammy you and we need to know what the situation is regarding the house.

I think when you are feeling more settled you need a complete change of mindset, you need to work out what you need as apposed to what you want.

There are an awful lot f things on your SOA that could easily be reduced.

RhiBi

There are no plans with the house.  When ex husband and I divorced, we agreed that I would keep the house and he would keep his pension.  At the time, I was in a low wage job and felt that the security of the house was the better option.  Who knows if that was the right choice, but that’s the position.  We’ve never got around to changing I into my sole name, and it didn’t really seem important as after our days, the house will go to the children.

this might seem really selfish, but I feel like I’m looking at the rest of my working life just paying bills and debts and no money for anything else.  That I find daunting.

Grumpelstiltskin

Are you sure you are happy with the situation regarding the house? If you don't have an agreement in writing no one knows what could crop up in the future for either you or your ex.

'No money for anything else'  you have plenty of slack in your SOA to make some cut backs and still have a good life.

RhiBi

I feel, at the moment, given my emotional state whilst trying to wade through all this financial stuff, that the house is an issue for another time.  Maybe that naive, but at the moment, it’s not my main priority.  

RhiBi

Grumpelstiltskin said:

'No money for anything else'  you have plenty of slack in your SOA to make some cut backs and still have a good life.

I’m happy to make cut backs, but not on the dog food subscription, one is a very fussy eater and it took a long time to find something he will eat.  Also, they are the reason I get out of bed in the morning and keep going every day.

where I am able to cut back, will that mean more is paid off the debts?  I don’t want to sound selfish, I just want to feel happy again and not like my bad life choices will affect the rest of my life.

Always_Fishing

RhiBi said:

Grumpelstiltskin said:

'No money for anything else'  you have plenty of slack in your SOA to make some cut backs and still have a good life.

I’m happy to make cut backs, but not on the dog food subscription, one is a very fussy eater and it took a long time to find something he will eat.  Also, they are the reason I get out of bed in the morning and keep going every day.

where I am able to cut back, will that mean more is paid off the debts?  I don’t want to sound selfish, I just want to feel happy again and not like my bad life choices will affect the rest of my life.

Hi,

Firstly I hope you get the help you need on here and through CAB or elsewhere, sounds like you've been through hell and back. 

I'm right at the beginning of my journey of tackling my debts, so perhaps not the best placed to be giving advice so I'll stand happily corrected by others if I'm wrong, but the stand outs to me would be that the car MOT and maintenance at £1000 per year seems high to me, £500-600 might be more reasonable, I know you mentioned it's part of your job however so perhaps that's a mitigating factor?

£200 a month to children at uni, can a plan be made to do anything to lower that? I've got 2 children at school and 1 in his first year of college and I only last week had to broach the conversation around pocket money and reductions, not nice as we try to protect them from these things. 

£100 per month on clothing and footwear seems a lot to me, admittedly clothing and footwear spends luckily isn't one of my vices so perhaps I'm too far on the other end of the spectrum. 

A mistake I made I think when I posted my SOA on here is I filled it up with me living a comfortable borderline luxury lifestyle to account for all my money. I initially created this through stepchange before deciding to tackle it myself so did it this way to keep my creditor payments as low as possible without them wanting to take every spare penny off me. What I learned quickly after being under the microscope is that I probably actually needed to SOA's, and good honest to god version showing what I needed to live to share with everyone here and get good advice, then a fluffed up version to share with creditors to show them I would struggle to meet anything more than token payments short term, that would then give me time to build up emergency funds. 

gwynlas

Do not rush into making any decisions regarding debts at this stage it is natural to want them out of the way but it is not in your best interests to struggle to pay them. You could try and get them written off given the cohersive control  of your ex

My partners DMP is for just short of 20 years with Stepchange due to age and pension but of course with the interest being frozen and it allows for a reasonable standard of living bringing piece of mind.

Do sort out the house/financial order in case he changes his mind.

RhiBi

Always_Fishing said:

A mistake I made I think when I posted my SOA on here is I filled it up with me living a comfortable borderline luxury lifestyle to account for all my money. I initially created this through stepchange before deciding to tackle it myself so did it this way to keep my creditor payments as low as possible without them wanting to take every spare penny off me. What I learned quickly after being under the microscope is that I probably actually needed to SOA's, and good honest to god version showing what I needed to live to share with everyone here and get good advice, then a fluffed up version to share with creditors to show them I would struggle to meet anything more than token payments short term, that would then give me time to build up emergency funds. 

Thank you for your kind words and for this advice.  So would you say what I’ve got so far is the fluffed up version?! Or more likely luxury lifestyle.

i feel like I need someone to sit with me and step by step do both versions with me as I’m struggling to put one foot in front of the other.

ill try and make a start today, I’ve got to take one dog to the vets and pay the garage for my car too.

the £100 on car could be cut a bit, but I do a lot of miles with my job (currently off sick) so have regular servicing and maintenance.  My MOT last January had an advisory about brakes and that needs sorting before the next MOT.

Clothes and footwear can be cut I’m sure! 

Uni costs, I can cut but am loathe to.

Always_Fishing

RhiBi said:

Always_Fishing said:

A mistake I made I think when I posted my SOA on here is I filled it up with me living a comfortable borderline luxury lifestyle to account for all my money. I initially created this through stepchange before deciding to tackle it myself so did it this way to keep my creditor payments as low as possible without them wanting to take every spare penny off me. What I learned quickly after being under the microscope is that I probably actually needed to SOA's, and good honest to god version showing what I needed to live to share with everyone here and get good advice, then a fluffed up version to share with creditors to show them I would struggle to meet anything more than token payments short term, that would then give me time to build up emergency funds. 

Thank you for your kind words and for this advice.  So would you say what I’ve got so far is the fluffed up version?! Or more likely luxury lifestyle.

i feel like I need someone to sit with me and step by step do both versions with me as I’m struggling to put one foot in front of the other.

ill try and make a start today, I’ve got to take one dog to the vets and pay the garage for my car too.

the £100 on car could be cut a bit, but I do a lot of miles with my job (currently off sick) so have regular servicing and maintenance.  My MOT last January had an advisory about brakes and that needs sorting before the next MOT.

Clothes and footwear can be cut I’m sure! 

Uni costs, I can cut but am loathe to.

Honestly I would say your version looks like a very comfortable one that might be ideal to share with creditors if you want to, you don't have to, to demonstrate how little you can actually pay the at the minute, I'd even say you could perhaps add more to groceries. Luxury is probably a strong term but it looks "fluffed up". What you then need though is a stripped back honest version which you actually live by and share with people here to get the best advice and the difference between the 2 budgets should be used towards an emergency savings fund. 

I'm very conscious whilst replying that I am very early in my journey here and these are just things I've picked up in the last couple of weeks, so please don't make decisions purely from my advice, seek or wait for further clarification and guidance from some of the more experienced members on this forum. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts and experiences so far with you and hopefully they're helpful!

Brie

RhiBi said:

Thanks for the replies.  I have no priority debts, all are up to date.  I also have been given the debt and mental health form by CAB which I have asked my GP to fill in, as I have recently been prescribed propranolol for anxiety due to the situation too.

i will attempt to do the SOA but bare with me as my brain is struggling to focus with so much going on in my head.

no I’m not on a water meter, CAB did suggest it, I am wary, I think mainly because of historical horror stories that I’ve read.

So you are living in the family home, fully owned with ex.  But live there alone except for in/frequent visits from 2 of 4 "children".  On that basis have a water meter should be cheaper than not unless you have some extreme water use (medical condition, pool, golf course etc).  We are a 2 adult household with a garden that gets watered a lot and a hot tub which is emptied and filled regularly about 6 months of the year.  Our total for metered water is about £45 so 3/4 yours.  As I understand it there is a guarantee that if someone like you (single) get a water meter and the costs do NOT go down then the water company will either remove the meter or give you an adjusted rate.  It's worth checking on.

Take you time doing the SOA.  It will likely take a few attempts - it usually does - but it's helpful if you add comments to things like no housing costs to say the mortgage is paid off.