Money Moral Dilemma: Should I approach my friend's family about the money she owes me?

Pollycat

solentsusie said:

Never lend anything that you cannot afford to lose.  Maybe not useful in this instance but this is my stance on lending anything to friends. 

Or family....

TheRedHerring

Many decades ago a girl I worked with borrowed some money, however, I got her to sign for the amount received and that it would be repaid in instalments over a set period. The boyfriend then wanted to borrow more money before the second instalment had been repaid.  At this point it went out of my hands and the funds were repaid in full.   What was the loan for, was it for a good reason?  You have every right to know as it is your money.  Having read some of the comments it would seem that this is not always the case and friends are taken advantage of. It could be that someone will borrow because they have a gambling/drugs/alcohol problem and will prevaricate.  As previously commented I would cautiously enquire of the family as to the friend's well being, as it seems they are in contact, as it is as well for them to know for this maybe the tip of a future iceberg.
Don't lend without contract more than you can afford to lose, find out what the funds are needed for, and check that the friendship has not been based on need rather than respect.  A true friend will appreciate the formality and it will leave little room for abuse within the relationship.

2702

No but you can tell your never a friend that unless she pays you back you will tell them. Also a nice legal letter can help, you do not need a lawyer just look up online and adapt to your situ. Good luck

ShinyStarlight1

Magificentish said:

Friends are more important than money.  If you can afford to help a friend out, then give them the money, rather than loan it to them.  If they pay it back then that is a bonus. If you can't afford to, then don't.  But it's too late for that advice now by the sound of it.

It sounds like this friend "can't" pay the money back rather than "won't" and is probably embarrassed and ashamed about it.  She could have refused to pay any back if she wanted to. It would be very cruel indeed to involve her family, unless she is in real trouble and needs their help. 

"Yet as it stands, I'm losing the friendship and the money anyway." Why? If this person is a friend, then support them with whatever they are going through.  If you get your money back at some point that is wonderful, but why lose both? It's sad how many people will throw away relationships, friendships, marriages and more for a little money.  Unfortunately, that's what it sounds like here - no concern for the "friend", just your money.  

The friend who borrowed the money, promised to pay it back and didn’t, is not the victim here.

Surelyallnameshavebeentakenbynow

Never lend anything to your friends, least of all money. I am still due a double vinyl album back from Cl**** Pi***** lent to him in 1984.