Money Moral Dilemma: Should I approach my friend's family about the money she owes me?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 I loaned a friend a significant sum to help her out. We agreed on a date for her to pay me back, but when it arrived she said she didn't have the money and got upset when I asked why. She then paid half back, but I've heard little from her since. She has family she could borrow from to pay me the rest, but she won't ask them. I've thought of approaching them myself, but if I do that and they don't want to get involved, I'll almost certainly never get it back as my friend will be angry that I went over her head. Yet as it stands, I'm losing the friendship and the money anyway. What should I do?

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Brie

You could ask your friend again and make it clear that her saying no means she's the baddy and has destroyed your friendship. 

Or just move on.  Lending to friends rarely works out well in my opinion. 

Emmia

This is why lending to friends is a bad idea. Write the money and your friendship off.

BridgetTheCat

No, it’s nothing to do with them. If the money is more important to you than the friendship then take her to small claims. (If the loan was above the small claims limit then more fool you.)

singhini

Try to get the friend to pay an amount of money each week/month and eventually it will get paid off.

I had the same issue a few years ago. A friend wanted to borrow £17k for three months. i said to them you have never paid me back that quickly so i will give you a year to pay it off. They eventually paid it all off three and a half years later (having set up a monthly payment)

During those 4ish years i never said anything as i was being paid monthly. 
Once the money got paid off, i blocked the friend (i had known them for 44 years).

During those 4ish years they bought a new Audi Q7, got a pet dog and had been to Barbados to watch the cricket.

I've never lent anyone any money ever since!

mlz1413

If you're friend is avoiding you so you can't ask then you have to decide how much you want the money back. 
I'd start with phoning and saying we need to meet and sort out a payment plan.

I'd move on to writing to say the money is owed and you propse £x per month (writing can be SMS, email or letter).

Then write recorded delivery and say £x is still owed, you feel that enough time has been given and would like her to pay you in full even if that means borrowing from family or getting a loan. 

After that I would approach her family but only to say you are going to get legal advice about getting a CCJ.  Depends on you if you do or not.

I think your friendship is already over, she has taken you for a mug and has been happy to dump you once your money has been spent.

CapeTown

What a terrible friend she is. I don't suppose you have anything in writing. If you want the money back, you will have to ask her for it and she can get the money off family. You have lost her as a friend anyway because there will always be this hanging over you.

Beauborg

Perhaps have a gentle conversation with the family along the lines of “I’m a bit worried about Mary, we’ve been good friends for a long time as you know, so when she asked to borrow some money from me I wanted to do all I could to help. Now she’s stopped replying to my messages… Is she going through some tough times that I don’t know about…?”

This might motivate the family to contact her and tell her to cough up. 

roubiliac

It has absolutely nothing to do with the family

Emmia

roubiliac said:

It has absolutely nothing to do with the family

I have to agree.

Bratchman

My daughter faced a situation very similar to this. I contacted the father of the person who owed her money and he paid her back in full without hesitation. He was mortified by what had happened. It was unpleasant but needed doing.