The holy grail of university education.

Hapless_2

People on here are saying that not wanting to financially support my children at university is bad...but then I would not pay for their driving lessons, buy their first car, pay their insurance, give them money to go for a trip round the world or give them a deposit for their first house either.
It has nothing to do with not loving or supporting my children. Somewhere I have to draw the line and that happens to be a financial one. At the moment I buy them what they need, I feed them, clothe them and educate them. I pay for their clubs and sports.
At some point they will have to find their own way in life, and I am certainly not being a human atm machine for them when they are in their 20's.
I am a great believer in that if you want something so badly you will work hard for it, not if you want something so badly, get your parents to work hard for it. It was not the way I was brought up and not the way I am bringing my children up. I was brought up in a middle-class family with working-class values.
As I said before, they earn their pocket money via chores. No chores done no pocket money. Half of which has to go into their savings account. The same will happen when they get their first part time jobs. The sooner they learn that things are not just given to them on a plate the better.
If they want to go to Uni I have no problem with it, but the money must come out of their savings. If they decide to blow their savings before hand, well that is up to them, but I will not bale them out. I can neither afford to or see why I should if they already threw their money away on something else.

[Deleted User]

I'm glad my mum and dad aren't as stingy as Hapless. I've never [SIZE=-1]asked for their assistance, but always knew they'd be there to help me out if I needed it.[/SIZE][SIZE=-1][/SIZE]

What's gonna happen when you're old and infirm.. you need a lift to the doctors or want to go on holiday but can't on your own... will your 'independent' children help you out? Will they expect you to get by on your own because 'you will if you want it enough' ?

What goes around, comes around... frankly I admire families that stick together, help one another out when they need it. They provide a great support network that must be very comforting to be part of

BettiePage

studentphil wrote: »

You just have to keep applying and going, it will all come good in the end.

Hmmm...I can see now why people say that Student Phil is more than one person. Totally different style and outlook.

Carmina_Piranha_3

my parents didn't give money to any of us - we paid for our own education/driving lessons etc. and it didn't do us any harm. we could stay rent-free if we were in education though, and that was quite rare on my council estate - most kids were expected to pay board money. my sister and i were born close together and she got a job and paid board while i stayed for free and went to college (i think mum got child benefit for me).

candygirl

BettiePage wrote: »

Hmmm...I can see now why people say that Student Phil is more than one person. Totally different style and outlook.

Yea this is the "Glass is half full" Phil:D

Hapless_2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

What's gonna happen when you're old and infirm.. you need a lift to the doctors or want to go on holiday but can't on your own... will your 'independent' children help you out?

I doubt it and I wouldn't expect them to either. It's not their place, I should hope that by then they would have their own families to worry about.
It is not for the old to be a burden on the young.

Broken_hearted

The whole class debate can work in reverse, I started off middle class then life when tits up and I fell straight to the underclass. Well at least the only way is up.

Broken_hearted

Hapless wrote: »

I doubt it and I wouldn't expect them to either. It's not their place, I should hope that by then they would have their own families to worry about.
It is not for the old to be a burden on the young.

Thats why society is fractioned everyone out for themselves. Family is ment to be a unit of mutual support.

poet123

I think this is a disgraceful attitude and the reason why society is falling apart. My kids have been brought up in a family which rallies round all it members,young and old and those in between in times of need. Recently my mother in law had to go to a funeral and none of older family members could take her due to work committments.

My eldest son travelled 50 miles to drive her there so that she would not have to go by train alone. All my kids, and their cousins, have seen all of us stand by/help/nurse the older members of the family and consider it the norm. This was not done as a duty but because we wanted to do it.

What goes around comes around.

Hapless_2

Children should not be burdened with the problems of their parents. I would not expect my children to come running after me when they have their own things to deal with.
In my belief system honouring the older members of society does not mean being at their beck and call. As for what goes around comes around, well you have your beliefs I have mine. Karma or whatever does not exist in mine.

A gift always looks to be repaid. (Gisli Sursson's Saga, c.16)

Better it is to have a lower position in life and be free than to have a position of power only to be subject to the will of another. (OH, c.79)

Every man must plough his own furrow.” (Vapnfirðinga Saga, c.5)

Youth showered with gold is youth unable to fight (PE, c.4)