Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have to pay for clothing my friend wants me to wear for her 'wedding'?

HopeOmis

19lottie82 said:

You say your friend says it will cost “around £100”. Have you looked on eBay or vinted for a cheaper option? 

Unfortunately these are usually custom made outfits, I doubt if it will be available on eBay / vinted

Nasqueron

Beauborg said:

Based on your post, it sounds like you’re not Nigerian. You could say you don’t want to be guilty of cultural appropriation…

Cultural appropriation is doing something like using the designs of Aboriginal art to make your own paintings to sell, without having the connection or knowledge of the designs. Wearing the items of another culture at an event or even just to celebrate them is cultural appreciation and has been done for many thousands of years as people have travelled and traded. 

In my view on weddings, if the event requires an item, and it's something you'd never wear again, the couple should provide it or help someone arrange a rental from a clothing shop or give advice on buying it second hand.

To circle back to the original point, someone buying a Nigerian dress for this wedding is appreciation, buying a copy on Temu or AliExpress made in a Chinese sweatshop is appropriation (but by the seller)

DangerousDaveDur

keithyno.1 said:

You've said you were delighted to be asked to be part of the entourage, so just stump up the £100 and enjoy the occasion. It's not worth risking causing embarrassment and/or friction for that amount. 

Now, if the cost of the clothing was nearer £1,000 then that would be different...

What about £500? I'm just wondering the maximum you'd pay to avoid embarrassed and suffer friction?

p_anotherguy

£100 sounds reasonable to me. You already agreed, so I don't think I'd ask her about the money.

Sally1964

Hi, I understand your dilemmma. You clearly don't want to upset your friend and want her to have a wonderful day. You would love to celebrate her day with her but not at the cost of £100 for an outfit you're likely to only wear once and you don't want to upset your friend. To be honest I would ne honest with her and explain £100 is too much at the moment but you would dearly love to contribute in another way. Hope this helps.
 
 

DangerousDaveDur

I'm afraid I feel your friend has put you in an awkward situation, has perhaps got a bit 'carried away' with the excitement of HER big day, and has been quite thoughtless about the expectation (my own wonderful wedding didn't cost anyone anything more than travel costs and their time, apart from the in-laws insisting on contributing to the cost of the meal).
I think you have to ask yourself whether you are prepared to compromise your beliefs (you obviously don't feel happy about doing this or you wouldn't be asking) and just take the path of least resistance.
If you decide to go along with it, and an outlay of £100 is significant for you, then you could, in good conscience, consider this your friend's wedding gift.
Either way, when it comes to it, don't dwell on the decision, be satisfied with whatever happens and enjoy it with all your heart.

Pollycat

MsMoon said:

Marcon said:

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 My friend is having an introduction ceremony, which is a traditional Nigerian event which celebrates her and her partner coming together. She's asked me to be part of her entourage, which she said is like being a bridesmaid, and explained she wanted me to wear traditional clothing. I was delighted to be asked and agreed. She's since said the clothing will cost me around £100. Typically, I'm the sort of person who'd pay to save any embarrassment, but it's her decision for me to wear it - what should I do?

Talk to her rather than canvas a random bunch of strangers who are short on all the essential details...?

It amuses me no end that every week we invariably get an answer like yours - it is precisely the whole reason for this Dilemmas thread is the fact thaat we are a "random bunch of strangers" so we can give an imartial view. Hope that helps.

Nope. Doesn't help.
I agree with Marcon.

On most MMDs, the responses are so varied I just can't see what the originator of the MMD (any MMD, not just this one) gets out of it.

MMDs throw up lots of questions which are never answered.
The originator of the MMD supplies loads of information which is stripped out by MSE to make them "a point of debate and discussed at face value."

I've seen an original MMD submitted to MSE and it answered virtually all the questions raised in the many pages of replies.

I'm sure the originator of the MMD has friends/family who can also give an impartial view.

I'm pretty sure that the answers so far won't help the originator of the MMD one little bit.

JeaneyB

I can't say I blame you for not wanting to splash out £100 or so, it's a lot of money...I paid half that price for the outfit I wore to my son's wedding...could your friend or relative 'loan' you one of her ''traditional'' dresses??? you could then just pay for it to be dry cleaned afterwards (approx £25 at the most)...problem solved...or ....tell her straight and honestly, you just can't afford to pay that much for a dress :-) be straight with people, don't pussyfoot around, then come on social media to ask strangers to sort it for you...My honest opinion

JayD

It really depends how much you want to be part of the ceremony.

If it's not worth the £100 you'd need to spend on the outfit, which I believe you will own and keep, then I would advise your friend that you really cannot afford it and must drop out.

Simples

florianatwobob

A friend of mine’s partner’s family is Nigerian. At a recent wedding they attended she wore a custom made traditional dress in the colours that had been chosen for the groom’s family. The bride’s family had a different colour scheme for their clothes. Prepare for it to be tight and amazing.