Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have to pay for clothing my friend wants me to wear for her 'wedding'?

primrose_penguin

It is really up to you to decide how much you want to be part of the entourage, £100 doesn't sound a huge amount for an outfit, some bridesmaids pay for their own dresses or contribute towards them. Would you be buying yourself a new outfit for the wedding anyway if you were just a guest? You never know if she has a Nigerian background you may get the chance to wear it again if she invites you to other occasions. If you cannot afford it then be honest and tell her but say you would love to go as an ordinary guest.

Q11

ripongrammargirl said:

Not a dilemma at all if you can’t afford it or don’t want to pay for it.
If the friend wants you to be part of this then she should pay for it as it’s not your choice/style of clothing and certainly not anything you would wear again.
in my opinion it’s quite rude to ask a friend/relative to be a major part of a non-Christian/traditional English  wedding but then not pay for the outfit you are required to wear!
Explain you don’t have the cash/want to pay for something you’ll never wear again etc and that you are very happy to be a major player if it doesn’t involve costs to you or you will have to turn it down and attend as a guest. 

Either way you will be part of her day. Enjoy!!

At what point did the poster say they were English or Christian? 

Someone made a good point of buying 2nd hand, that’s the option I’d go with. 

NorthernKitty

It usually means the outfit is to be made to measure from a specific African fabric, which often needs to be ordered by a certain date. If you want to be part of the family group you all match. If you just want to be a general guest there will be a colour code that you can wear anything from those colours so guests blend with the couple's colour scheme.

pollypenny

You cannot buy a dress from eBay or vinted as you'd be unlikely to find the same colours and pattern. A random dress is no use. 

alkepo

I think it is unfair to ask you to pay for something that you will not wear again. Personally I would question the friendship.

MsMoon

The bride to be claims that you will be the equivalent of a bridesmaid - yet she wants you to pay for the outfit -  the bride traditionally always pays for the bridesmaid's outfit in this country. I persoanlly wouldn't go if she expects me to pay for it.

MsMoon

It’s only rude not to pay for the outfit if it’s a non-Christian/ traditional English wedding? What a strange thing to say. You can’t exactly wear a “traditional” bridesmaid dress again either.

It is you that is being strange - Firstly Brides in the UK always pay for their bridesmaids dresses - the Nigerian woman is living in the UK yet she expects the bridesmaids to pay for there outfits - and to be frank we only have her word that it is the custom for bridesmaids to pay for the outfits in Nigeria...

MsMoon

Marcon said:

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 My friend is having an introduction ceremony, which is a traditional Nigerian event which celebrates her and her partner coming together. She's asked me to be part of her entourage, which she said is like being a bridesmaid, and explained she wanted me to wear traditional clothing. I was delighted to be asked and agreed. She's since said the clothing will cost me around £100. Typically, I'm the sort of person who'd pay to save any embarrassment, but it's her decision for me to wear it - what should I do?

Talk to her rather than canvas a random bunch of strangers who are short on all the essential details...?

It amuses me no end that every week we invariably get an answer like yours - it is precisely the whole reason for this Dilemmas thread is the fact thaat we are a "random bunch of strangers" so we can give an imartial view. Hope that helps.

MsMoon

Just_An_Opinion said:

I think its a silly question. You pay and go or dont pay and dont go.

Look at it from another point of view.... if you go to a party that has a dress code saying "Evening gown or Black Tie", you don't expect them to pay for your clothing.
If you want to go swimming you have to wear a swimming costume, you don't ask the pool owners to pay for your costume.

You either buy the correct clothing for whatever event or you dont buy it and dont go. I don't think it gets much simpler than that.

What a extremely silly answer from you - there is no comparison at all with black tie or swimming - for both of those the outfits can be used again. It is highly umlikely that she will be wearing Nigerian traditional dress again - therefore the bride should pay - as brides always do in this country for their bridesmaids.

gardenlover_2

It’s possible your friend has family members that have spare ‘traditional cloths’ . Be open & honest about how you feel & ask if anyone would be willing to loan you some clothing .