Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have to pay for clothing my friend wants me to wear for her 'wedding'?

tain

This is tricky, because I really can't speak on behalf of other cultures. It could be the case that you really should be dressing like the others otherwise you'll feel awkward or could even be offensive. 

If it was traditional bridesmaid situation though, then I would be quite offended at being told I needed to pay for it. That doesn't make me a wedding guest anymore - it makes me a paying customer and that's a pretty unpleasant thing for someone to insist upon me. 

Marcon

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 My friend is having an introduction ceremony, which is a traditional Nigerian event which celebrates her and her partner coming together. She's asked me to be part of her entourage, which she said is like being a bridesmaid, and explained she wanted me to wear traditional clothing. I was delighted to be asked and agreed. She's since said the clothing will cost me around £100. Typically, I'm the sort of person who'd pay to save any embarrassment, but it's her decision for me to wear it - what should I do?

Talk to her rather than canvas a random bunch of strangers who are short on all the essential details...?

Ree73

Beauborg said:

Based on your post, it sounds like you’re not Nigerian. You could say you don’t want to be guilty of cultural appropriation…

Wouldn’t go down this route as she is being directly invited to participate by somebody from this culture so is not cultural appropriation. 

Ncc

I agree with another comment . Vinted is a fabulous site for clothing , have a look. Enjoy the wedding whatever you decide to do.

elizabethhull

Is is possible to hire a costume ?

bikaga

I'd ask on Reddit, I'm sure there'll be groups about Nigeria and its cultures there. I doubt if this is a place where you get many people who know that much about Nigeria (plus Nigeria does not have one monolithic culture, either). 

Other than that - what others have said, if you can't afford it, best be honest about it. Looks to me like she's been up-front about the expectation, so you can be, too.

Just_An_Opinion

I think its a silly question. You pay and go or dont pay and dont go.

Look at it from another point of view.... if you go to a party that has a dress code saying "Evening gown or Black Tie", you don't expect them to pay for your clothing.
If you want to go swimming you have to wear a swimming costume, you don't ask the pool owners to pay for your costume.

You either buy the correct clothing for whatever event or you dont buy it and dont go. I don't think it gets much simpler than that.

Just_An_Opinion

Do you do this at every wedding or party that you attend? Do you refuse to go in a suit or a dress and only wear pants/knickers unless the hosts pay for your clothing?

Silly questions, deserve silly answers in my opinion.

SeanMaria

Get the full details and costings then decide if you want to participate as part of the entourage. If the wedding is more than 6 months away, you may have time to save for it and don't forget to factor in the wedding present.

queenbee4000

Just_An_Opinion said:

I think its a silly question. You pay and go or dont pay and dont go.

Look at it from another point of view.... if you go to a party that has a dress code saying "Evening gown or Black Tie", you don't expect them to pay for your clothing.
If you want to go swimming you have to wear a swimming costume, you don't ask the pool owners to pay for your costume.

You either buy the correct clothing for whatever event or you dont buy it and dont go. I don't think it gets much simpler than that.

What a silly response - it is clearly a different situation being told you need to pay for an outfit the bride has chosen over choosing your own dress for a black tie or swimming costume for a pool. My personal opinion is that if the bride is asking them to wear a specific outfit chosen by them then the couple getting married should pay for it. Whether the person in question chooses to say that or mention it is up to them but morally - just like a bridesmaid dress should be paid for by the bridal party - they shouldn’t be asked to pay for something they have not chosen it. If however the couple getting married have asked them to wear traditional dress but allowed them to choose it then this is a bit trickier and I would ask them to help getting hold of a dress for less money as £100 is a lot for outfit worn once eg ideally borrow from a family member or the bridal party or buy one cheaply second hand.