Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have to pay for clothing my friend wants me to wear for her 'wedding'?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 My friend is having an introduction ceremony, which is a traditional Nigerian event which celebrates her and her partner coming together. She's asked me to be part of her entourage, which she said is like being a bridesmaid, and explained she wanted me to wear traditional clothing. I was delighted to be asked and agreed. She's since said the clothing will cost me around £100. Typically, I'm the sort of person who'd pay to save any embarrassment, but it's her decision for me to wear it - what should I do?

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El_Torro

If you don't want to pay for the clothes then don't be part of the entourage. I don't really see the dilemma here.

I don't think it's reasonable for the people getting married / introduced to pay for the clothes of the participants. These events are expensive enough as it is to the people organising it.

elsien

I think it depends in part on how good a friend they are, and also your own affordability and budget.

in general though, if people want me to wear a certain thing that I would never wear again (and bridesmaids dresses also come into this category) then  I disagree with the above and I do think the bride/groom should pay for it. How often is someone not of that culture likely to wear a traditional Nigerian outfit in the future?

Yes weddings can be expensive, but that is the choice of the couple concerned. You’ll have people paying for their own meals next, along the same grounds. 

keithyno.1

You've said you were delighted to be asked to be part of the entourage, so just stump up the £100 and enjoy the occasion. It's not worth risking causing embarrassment and/or friction for that amount. 

Now, if the cost of the clothing was nearer £1,000 then that would be different...

19lottie82

You say your friend says it will cost “around £100”. Have you looked on eBay or vinted for a cheaper option? 

SimonGA

Your friend clearly thinks that you can afford this and would be happy to spend this to make her wedding as she wants it. If it will be difficult for you to spend this much, I’m sure you could explain to her that things are tight and you would prefer to share her big day as a normal guest, rather than as part of the entourage. If she is a friend and you explain this carefully she will surely understand.

Of course don’t then turn up a new £100 dress.

ripongrammargirl

Not a dilemma at all if you can’t afford it or don’t want to pay for it.
If the friend wants you to be part of this then she should pay for it as it’s not your choice/style of clothing and certainly not anything you would wear again.
in my opinion it’s quite rude to ask a friend/relative to be a major part of a non-Christian/traditional English  wedding but then not pay for the outfit you are required to wear!
Explain you don’t have the cash/want to pay for something you’ll never wear again etc and that you are very happy to be a major player if it doesn’t involve costs to you or you will have to turn it down and attend as a guest. 

Either way you will be part of her day. Enjoy!!

2702

Most outfits cost more than £100. So I think you are saving money. I would love to be part of an Nigerian event for only £100.But up to you. 

Beauborg

Based on your post, it sounds like you’re not Nigerian. You could say you don’t want to be guilty of cultural appropriation…

Shiftyxx

Effectively, what she's asking you to buy is a "bridesmaids dress", and in the UK, it's normal for the bride to pay for them, while in the US, it's normal for the brides maids to pay. But if she wants to do it the American way in the UK, then you have to decide how much you want to be a part of it, and your ability to afford it will probably decide that.

itsthelittlethings

ripongrammargirl said:

Not a dilemma at all if you can’t afford it or don’t want to pay for it.
If the friend wants you to be part of this then she should pay for it as it’s not your choice/style of clothing and certainly not anything you would wear again.
in my opinion it’s quite rude to ask a friend/relative to be a major part of a non-Christian/traditional English  wedding but then not pay for the outfit you are required to wear!
Explain you don’t have the cash/want to pay for something you’ll never wear again etc and that you are very happy to be a major player if it doesn’t involve costs to you or you will have to turn it down and attend as a guest. 

Either way you will be part of her day. Enjoy!!

It’s only rude not to pay for the outfit if it’s a non-Christian/ traditional English wedding? What a strange thing to say. You can’t exactly wear a “traditional” bridesmaid dress again either.