Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have to pay for clothing my friend wants me to wear for her 'wedding'?

Jm2207

This sounds amazing, see if you can get something cheaper or rent? If not you could sell the outfit later

charliewj

I'm getting married in a few weeks with the usual bridesmaids and groomsmen attire being chosen by myself and the future wife.
Having both been married before with big weddings we aren't going all out (and couldn't really afford it anyway) but we've chosen the dresses and suits and wouldn't dream of asking for them to pay for something we've chosen for them to wear.
We asked them to be part of our wedding, we're telling them what they'll be wearing, we're picking up the bill!
It would be different if any of them wanted to choose something else (and we agreed), then I'd expect them to cover the cost themselves

Lowry1986

It says much of your shared friendship, from your friend's point of view, that your friend has invited you to be such an important person at her wedding.
The question you should ask yourself is how much her friendship matters to you. You have  this once in a lifetime opportunity to express your evaluation of your shared friendship!

Pollycat

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 My friend is having an introduction ceremony, which is a traditional Nigerian event which celebrates her and her partner coming together. She's asked me to be part of her entourage, which she said is like being a bridesmaid, and explained she wanted me to wear traditional clothing. I was delighted to be asked and agreed. She's since said the clothing will cost me around £100. Typically, I'm the sort of person who'd pay to save any embarrassment, but it's her decision for me to wear it - what should I do?

Thread title is:

Should I have to pay for clothing my friend wants me to wear for her 'wedding'?

You don't HAVE to do anything.

whydoineedone

I wouldn’t, personally. I’d attend as a normal guest. To me, £100 is way too much to spend on an outfit I’d never wear again. If you’re rich, not so much. 

whydoineedone

I wouldn’t, personally. I’d attend as a normal guest. To me, £100 is way too much to spend on an outfit I’d never wear again. If you’re rich, not so much. 

Will52

I think it depends on where the event will be held, here or in Nigeria. We have a tradition here in the UK of the bride and groom, if they want a particular dress code for bridesmaids, best man etc, which most do, will pay for outfits. However, I attended a wedding in Brazil recently, where I was a 'padrinho', similar but not exactly the same as a best man, and they had a dress code but expected me to fork out for a new suit. When I queried it, I was told that's how they do it in Brazil. Ok fine. If that wedding was in the UK, I would 100% have expected them to pay for it. How you approach that with your friend is another matter, maybe she doesn't know it's the done thing here. Either way, you have to let her know, it's not like you will ever use it again.

Ed264

'She's since said the clothing will cost me around £100'. What was the time lapse between you accepting the invitation and being informed of the cost? Seems to cynical old me to perhaps being a little devious! I don't think any of the advice being given here is correct or incorrect. My view would be if you're happy and can afford to pay up, then do so. If you're not, there is another option. It's your call.

HopeOmis

Clearly your friend thinks very highly of you to have asked you to be one of her ‘trad girls’. To be honest, £100 is not too much to pay for the outfit. If your dilemma is one of affordability, then explain to your friend and ask for a payment option spread across a few months, but if your dilemma is because you think it is “rude” as many have suggested, then just kindly decline and attend as any other guest on the day. You never know, your friend may be able to add this cost to the thousands that will no doubt be spent on the day!

It is however the Nigerian culture and is seen as a way of the friends showing their love & support for the couple by paying for their own outfit. 

saajan_12

If its a particular matching dress, then bride pays - she's choosing the price point and her friends circle are unlikely to wear matching things again. 
If its any traditional Nigerian dress, then you pay - you can buy cheaper / second hand if you want, and maybe re wear it if you choose.