Starting the journey...the road is currently bumpy.

SpaceCadet12

hi Arty thats a really good idea.

July Update: A year in with step change, overall practically no issues - my MBNA debt been sold on to PRA but seems to be a sticking point getting the debt moved over, all the others moved with no issue but this one is being a pain and its stressing me out. the first year has flown but still so far ahead and I can not see the end 1/5 completed. My repayments went up but the length of the term has stayed the same. I can not see light at the end of the tunnel.

Emotionally I am tired, the guilt kills me - all the time it racks up a little voice telling me how stupid I am and how my life would be so much better if I was more careful. It hurts me in my head. Sometimes I go into the shower and cry, sometimes I suck it up and try to be proud that I have dealt with it and at least there is no debt on the house/utilities/mortgage etc. I focus on my son who still has everything he needs, there is food and we still having a life but not the one I could have if so much of my disposable income was not taken up with this. I know my 50s are going to be easy - financially…..but for now I am paying the price.

This blog is very cathartic

Smudgeismydog

Please stop beating yourself up about past actions, you cannot change them. However, you do deserve a pat on the back for taking action to change behaviours and create a better future for you and your son.

This is a tough road, but you are making progress, so please congratulate yourself for each step you take, it’s another one closer to your debt free life.

SpaceCadet12

Time for an update after a tight summer holidays.

DMP 14/60 months

I am debating whether to go back to Step Change and review my budget and lower my payments, I am currently paying £1300 a month, after my review it went up by about £100. I want the debt paid off….but at the same time things are getting tighter, I managed to review my car insurance and get it down but shopping is going up, general life costs are going up. I seem to do well then things happen within the month and my money disappears - I am monitoring September really closely to see where I am going wrong, July / August with the summer holidays were not really realistic. Im blessed my dad got the school uniform - which he has done since he started school.

My main thing is the cycle of guilt and shame just seems to be never ending - I need to get out of that.

Apart from things being tight, especially towards the end of the month, the DMP is running smoothly - no letters or phone calls - Ive not missed a payment and slowly put surely things are going down.

Dakota_Rose

I think the vast majority of people would be struggling to live anywhere near comfortably while paying £1300 a month to debt. If it were me, I’d certainly be reviewing what is a realistic amount to be paying off the DMP and lowering the monthly payments - potentially by quite a drastic amount. You have the right to a reasonable life while making amends for past financial mistakes. Please be kind to yourself.

Do your payments allow you to hold an emergency fund and sinking pots for life’s essentials? Do they allow for even a small personal allowance each month? Could you afford things like school uniforms and the occasional treat for the children without support from family? If the answer to any of these is no, then the DMP isn’t helping you build long-term positive habits with money, it’s threatening to put you further back.

Apologies for the strong tone - meant with care 😊.

ArtyJ931

It may be worth spending time considering whether a self managed DMP with lower payments would be an option for you even if it extended the length of it. 1300 a month is absolutely crippling unless you have a very high income. That is what I was paying prior to my DMP and I just couldn't continue - I felt like I had no life and was in a constant state of fear and stress about emergencies happening, bills going up etc. You don't have to feel like that. You can afford to live - the fact that 1300 is whistling off to your debts every month shows you do have wiggle room right there that you can access.

Have you re-done your SOA at all now that you've been at this a while? Might be worth doing. hope you're ok.

SpaceCadet12

Thank you both for your reply and reassurances……my DMp is with Step Change and I can not thank them enough for their support and getting it all sorted. I am on a good wage….my debts took 10 years to build and will take 5 to get rid of them.

Il be honest it leaves me with very little if anything at the end of the month and I have not been living very tight, my little boy gets what he needs and I will be honestly don't really have anything for me or much wriggle room and I think about everything constantly.

I am worried that if I redo my budget and my payments reduce, that companies i owe money too will become angry that the payment is reducing and refuse to engage and then i feel like this is my punishment.

I keep being focussed on that i am moving in the right direction and reading other diaries keeps me going x

ArtyJ931

they won’t care. You’re one of thousands and thousands they’re working with and communication is automated. Nobody is making a judgement of you other than you.

you haven’t done anything wrong.

vampirotoothus

Hi if all your debts have defaulted I would go self managed and halve your payments at least, which will give you an extra £650 a month to have a proper life whilst you can enjoy your child.
The debts eventually will go to collectors who don't pay a lot for it. Just tell them what you are going to pay.
Pad out your new SOA to include things like glasses (even if you don't need them), children's clubs, etc, so that the £650 is fully spent. Then save it for your future or enjoy it in the present.
Past debt shouldn't be a life sentence. Be kind to yourself. V x

Blackcats

Great posts from @ArtyJ931 and @vampirotoothus

There is no emotion involved from the banks, finance companies etc - they are businesses with algorithms and data driven parameters and they are not your judge. You, however, are human and your needs are important.

SpaceCadet12

Thank you all for your comments - this is a very lonely place so having people who are around really helps. The thing with debt it is all so emotional, my whole life I am the one who does it right, follows the rules so this has rocked me on so many levels - which some of you will understand.

I have to keep remembering I am one of thousands, the banks have already sold my debt off so they dont care that much do they - hahaha…… I thought I would trial September and i am squeezed to my last penny and a flat tyre didnt help!

I am not sure I have the time to self manage, as I have a very intense job and I literally have very little time so Step Change is my life saver, so I am going to redo a more realistic and livable budget.

There are no prizes at the end of it are there?