Starting the journey...the road is currently bumpy.

SpaceCadet12

My debt has always been there, nothing major - the odd holiday on 0% which is dutifully paid off then rinse and repeat.   Then things changed, 5 years ago I lost my mum to Cancer - she loved life and was taken too young.  From this my attitude changed, holidays booked, things bought, paying for friends - I wanted to live in case it was all taken away too soon.  I believed I was buying memories - which to some extent it was but it has finally caught up.  0% has run out, and payments have caught me up to an embarassing £70k - I cant even tell you where it went, but no matter what it happned and here I am.   

I feel massive shame in allowing this to happen, I am a hardworking person and believe it or not you would not see a person who lives some exrtravanet lifestyle - just our trips and holidays which fell to me as I am the significanly higher earner and I realise that and sometimes feel guilty for it.  

This is my dirty little secret.

My first step was to look at an IVA, the first call was reassuring and friendly as I set my budget and realised I would never get out of this spiral of debt.  The second call the person at the end of the phone was aggressive and forceful - alarm bells rang and I thought this is not for me.  This is where I have found StepChange who have set up and are supporting my DMP. 

Month 1 - I forget to cancel two of my DDs so my surplus money is gone and htings are really tight (not for the creditors who got my DD and an extra payment lol)

Month 2 - All DDs are now cancelled and my second payment has just left my account. 

My next steps:
* Settle into the DMP, monthly budget checking - where can I make savings, overspending?
* Irresponsible lending - definaly going to look at that with my last two Zopa loans which I feel were given quite quickly with minimal checking. 

My worries:
* Barclaycard and MBNA are the only ones who have contacted regarding late payment. Saying I need to call them - they all have step change on their advice so can I just email / write to them to state this?
* I want to keep this secret....just myself....I worry it will get out.  My husband knows I have CC but not the extent and knows I am trying to live more sensibly to get on top of things, \


What do I do now? Just settle and life my life? Wait for the knock at the door? 

One moment I feel at peace and in control, the next I feel like I am such a bad person and am going to lose everything. 

Hopefully 5 years to go!

kimwp

Hiya, five years is a long time to keep a secret and in general it's better to manage finances as a household, but that's up to you. 

Have you looked into arrangement to pay markers Vs defaults? The first stay on your credit record for six years after the debt is paid off, whereas the first stay for six years after being registered. Also while you wait for defaults (having stopped paying your debts), you can build up an emergency fund, which will be necessary as you won't have access to more credit for a while due to the impact of the arrangement to pay/defaults on your credit record. Stepchange won't want you to stay on their books while you don't pay and wait for defaults, but you can cancel with them and restart your dmp with another debt charity later (or just do it yourself).

Callum1510

kimwp said:

Hiya, five years is a long time to keep a secret and in general it's better to manage finances as a household, but that's up to you. 

Have you looked into arrangement to pay markers Vs defaults? The first stay on your credit record for six years after the debt is paid off, whereas the first stay for six years after being registered. Also while you wait for defaults (having stopped paying your debts), you can build up an emergency fund, which will be necessary as you won't have access to more credit for a while due to the impact of the arrangement to pay/defaults on your credit record. Stepchange won't want you to stay on their books while you don't pay and wait for defaults, but you can cancel with them and restart your dmp with another debt charity later (or just do it yourself).

Am I right in thinking defaults are better then ? I am currently awaiting default then once I have them will negotiate a payment direct with creditor. 

1stTimer

Welcome @SpaceCadet12 you are in good company here.

I agree with kimwp, it’s a long time to keep a secret you may need to be open with your husband? If you have joint accounts then it’s best to him as it could affect his credit rating also.

i went with Stepchange and they were brilliant, it really took a lot of the stress away for the 1st year or 2 as they dealt with everything on my behalf. The one thing I wish I’d known at the time that if I had come here I first I would have found out was to cancel all DD’s and not pay anything until defaults were registered.

use the money to put aside for an emergency fund or settlement offers later on. 

Paying before defaults just delays you getting a clean credit rating longer.

SpaceCadet12

Thanks for the advice! 

End of Month 2: Eagerly awaiting payday!  Summer Holidays so spending has been a little more loose that I would have liked, social spending is over budget despite trying to stick to cheap and local days out, bike rides etc but seems like even two ice creams breaks the bank! lol....

Only two of my creditors have made any contact to say my payments are late or under the expected pay limit, Barclay Card and MBNA.  It scares me a little, beeing trying to find ways to contact them via email or post to confirm my DMP I really do not want to have to speak to anyone unless I have to.

In other news, about to start a new job in September which is exciting so that is keeping me busy.  Sports season almost back in and starting to prepare for Christmas - Vinted and looking for bargains.    

This month is a little easier... but a long way to go to get myself balanced. 

Highlanddream

Well done about the new job. Things will settle down. 

1stTimer

SpaceCadet12 said:

Thanks for the advice! 

End of Month 2: Eagerly awaiting payday!  Summer Holidays so spending has been a little more loose that I would have liked, social spending is over budget despite trying to stick to cheap and local days out, bike rides etc but seems like even two ice creams breaks the bank! lol....

The other week I walked past a man buying him and his kid an ice cream from the ice cream van, all I heard was “that’ll be £11 please” and I didn’t mean to but shouted out “how much!?” They all turned and looked at me it was quite embarrassing as I immediately knew it was non of my business but damn that was a shock to the ears 😂

I apologised and quickly carried on walking lol
is it really that expensive now or was this guy being taken for a ride?

SpaceCadet12

Depends where you are - we went to a place and a Fruit Pasil Lolly ice was £4.50!!!! A box of 4 is less than £2 from ASDA....I feel bad an cant say no especially if we are out and about and we are having a lovely day.

Ive never really watched my money before, the reason why I am where I am now.  I know it will get easier as I get better at budgeting and ill get a little pay rise with my new job.    My parents have offered to buy my sons new uniform for September out of the blue so thats a nice little surprise.  

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to stop. I am looking at the money I am paying  StepChange to get myself back on track and I am kicking myself so much.  I know I can not go back and just need to look forward.   I just cant see the end at the moment, the end is due to be July 2030 - it seems so far away and it feels that it will never end. 

Blackcats

I wanted to pop by and say that you shouldn't feel ashamed - this is debt free diary land and none of us are here because we've always been good with money 🙃.  However, lots of people here are further on their journey than you and their advice, support, encouragement, hints & tips will really help you as you progress towards 2030.  My nuggets of advice for what they are worth are to be kind to yourself, keep focussed on all the little spends and update your diary regularly to keep yourself on track and to chart your progress.  

northAthenian

just want to lend a wee voice of support, definitely use your diary to let you vent & ask for advice, and celebrate the wee wins. You've taken some first steps & you are on the road.. journey well X