Money Moral Dilemma: Should I replace my son's Pokémon encyclopaedia that I gave away?

sheramber

Bemusedandconfused1 said:

Send me your details and I’ll buy him one. As an OG Pokémon fan who had all her possessions destroyed deliberately by their sibling. Losing things hurts.

In this case the child  was asked but chose to say it was not needed 

COYS2025

Don't be surprised if the next time they are asked a similar question they reply that they want to keep all of it. Acknowledge that they made a mistake but don't treat it as 'lesson' or punishment. Decluttering/recycling should be encouraged not resisted for fear of a mistake. 

JayD

He's only 9. Please buy him a replacement but on condition that you keep onto it until he has paid for it in small instalments from his pocket money himself.

If he's a keen Pokemon fan, he will want that Encyclopaedia very much and so, would will surely agree. 

Yes, he needs to learn but maybe gently

Prof_oak

Professor Oak here, the Pokemon professor. Some people use pokemon as pets, others use them for fights. I study Pokemon as a profession.

It seems a great shame that your son has lost his Pokedex. I would give him one myself if I could reach him. I recommend you buy him a new one straight away.

nero33

He's 9.

Replace it.  No lessons need to be learned at such a young age.

BadAnnie

If more lessons were taught by parents maybe we wouldn't have so many children about that had no sense of responsibility for their own possessions, or others. I have a son who learned a similar lesson about the same age. Something was not so important to him when he could have another one if he paid from his pocket money. He is now a successful man with his own company and always uses Martins mantra, do I want it, can I afford it etc 

Ditzy_Mitzy

The giving away of the encyclopaedia could be framed as an important lesson for the boy, in that the circumstances are ones he is likely to encounter later in life, especially at work.

The fault here is twofold: the boy shouldn't have been so lackadaisical regarding his own possessions; the parent should, however, have known that the Pokémon encyclopaedia was something the boy valued and asked him whether it could be given away before doing so. 

What's relevant, in the workplace context, is the way that ambiguous fault is attributed in the master and subordinate relationship.  The lower ranked person - inevitably the boy, at some future point - tends to cop the total blame for whatever went wrong in all cases where both he and his master (supervisor, manager, etc.) have both done something wrong.  That leads to feelings of grievance, as blame-allocation based on rank is unfair, and gives the boss ammunition if he or she decides to attack.

With that in mind, the parent needs to think about his or her position: higher ranked but, here, partially responsible for what has happened.  The moral thing to do is not to apportion blame based on seniority, but to share it.  An acceptable resolution would be to talk to the boy about his error about point out the fact that he ought not to make such mistakes in future; other people won't be so forgiving.  

Lessons he could learn are the importance of being careful with his possessions, carrying out tasks diligently and making sure anyone higher up the food chain understands his intentions with regards to a task.  Clarify where there's ambiguity and make sure the supervisor understands.

Then, for goodness' sake, take the lad to town and by him a new book and, on the way home, stop at a sweet shop and let him pick a chew (geddit?).  

Jami74

One of the people you are supposed to love most in the world has lost something they love and instead of wanting to help them feel better, you want the pain of their loss to continue so they 'learn a lesson'. What lesson do they really learn from that? Compassion? Empathy? Trust? Respect? 

If your partner or parent made the same mistake would you help them or let them learn a lesson? One day when you are old and your child is helping to sort through your stuff, how would you like them to react if you miss something or change your mind and lose something you wanted to keep?

kimwp

I think this is a good opportunity for him to learn, but not by "teaching him a lesson" by doing nothing to replace the book. Instead, talk to him about what (you and) he might do differently next time and how he could solve the problem with your help. As he's a child, presumably without a job, some options are to earn it through extra chores or even by committing to learning some skills or extra homework or waiting to have it as part of his birthday present. Obviously the effort needs to reflect his age and I think it's worth him being aware of that.

Dizzycap

akbrooker said:

He's 9 and we cannot really expect a 9 year old to stop whatever they're doing to think carefully about all their toys and books and belongings and remember everything important immediately.  An adult would most likely say they need to thnk about it, even take a look in the loft... Replace it - it's a lesson for an older person...

@ akbrooker  - I totally agree!