Money Moral Dilemma: Should I replace my son's Pokémon encyclopaedia that I gave away?

jacquifef

If your child was willing to allow you to go through things then it sounds like he has a healthy relationship with material possessions. I wouldn’t want to damage that by not replacing a single book that he wanted. I speak with experience of learning about decluttering and hoarding. 

I think this is a learning opportunity for you (not for him) that he is not that attached to his things and he should be responsible for actually going through them with you rather than you doing it for him. All children need to learn how to handle material possessions in our over-saturated world, so this is something you can teach him fairly easily in comparison with some of us whose children would like to keep every item they have ever seen or touched! If he is doing the work with you then he can be responsible for making wrong decisions, but in this instance you are responsible since you made the decisions without him and didn’t make him check. 

As a side note, removing baby and toddler toys is rather different than a Pokemon encyclopaedia, since that is a franchise that many adults still “invest” in!

Groom

I wouldn't replace it immediately as that is sending him the wrong message. He needs to learn, young as he is, that actions have consequences and he chose not to bother to check if there was anything he still needed. Maybe next time you have a clear our, make him do it with you. Get a new one from Amazon and give it to him on his Birthday or Christmas as others suggest. 

Fisaplisap

Ebay- £3.65. It's also a book, in this era of screens and gaming, you should be delighted he's still interested in books. The lesson he should learn going forward, like the rest of us, is that less is more. 

Beauborg

Offer to go halfers with him. That way you teach him responsibility while still showing some kindness. You’ll also find out whether he really wants it. If he has to save to afford half the cost there’s a lesson in saving money for him too 

[Deleted User]

I think this is a really tricky one. He is only nine after all. Personally I would remind him that it was his decision to let go of all of his toys and books and as you can’t get it back now, there’s nothing that can be done. Tell him that if he still misses the book and is still really sad about losing it in a few months’ time, you (or Santa) will see what can be done about replacing it. The fact that he has to wait a while for a replacement will probably ensure he doesn’t make this type of mistake again! Chances are by December he’ll have either forgotten all about it, or will decide he’s no longer interested in a new one. 

Simon_the_saver_2

Treat it as a 'teachable moment' (hideous expression), don't mention it again for a couple of weeks, then surprise your son with a (secondhand) replacement.

Superfi

Nope. Absolutely do not replace.
You gave him the opportunity to go through the pile before you gave it away so he had the chance to do so and made the decision not to. If it really mattered to him he would have thought about it being in the pile at the time. As you say it was a "massive clear out", and he's only nine, so one has to wonder if the children are given more than they need if this book did not immediately come to mind.
How about let it be a gentle lesson that material things in life can matter, and they are worth valuing and looking after while we have them; and also that nothing lasts forever. I'm sure there'll be a new interest within the month, but as other have suggested, you could encourage him to earn the next interest, and he'll benefit from that in the long-term.

pragmatism

Just like adults,  young children can change their minds about the value of possessions to them once they are gone. Has no-one given away something or thrown something out to think later ooops could have done with that now? 

He is a child so I would replace the item and review in three years time when he much older cognitively and able to think in the abstract manner such decision making requires. 

bikaga

A £15 mistake from a 9-y-old isn't worth considering whether "he'll learn a lesson" - he's probably already learned it in the time it took to write the question and have it published here if he's actively using it for his Pokemon game.

Maybe you've learned a lesson, too, that presenting a 9-y-old with a "massive clearout" amount of things to go through is asking a bit more from his brain than it's necessarily capable of assessing.

Or that accepting a 9-y-old's flash judgement when faced with an overwhelming amount of toys might not have been the best way to go, and instead you could've presented him with a few things each day to pick from.

Or that you've not been paying attention to something that your son has been using regularly in your presence and assumed you would have noticed, or maybe even something he's been talking to you about, and didn't even consider something you'd be throwing out as smaller kids' items he might not need anymore.

For all the people saying "otherwise he'll never learn" - what he's gonna learn, most likely, is that his parent is punishing him exclusively for a mistake that was at least partially their fault. It seems super petty.

Bemusedandconfused1

Send me your details and I’ll buy him one. As an OG Pokémon fan who had all her possessions destroyed deliberately by their sibling. Losing things hurts.