Should my partner be charging me rent?

dollypug123

Hi everyone! Again thank you for your replies. 

To clarify the financial situation: I earn about 4k more than he does per year (both quite low earners) This is because he is retraining (hence the course). We have a similar amount of money saved each (<15k). Before I moved in I was paying 650 / month in rent (not including bills). He wants me to pay him 350 / month in rent (not including bills) -- half of what his friend pays because it's half of the space. We are in our mid thirties. 

dollypug123

*with his friend's monthly contribution he does take home more than me per month. But he also pays his course fees (about 6k / year for two years).

Sapindus

dollypug123 said:

*with his friend's monthly contribution he does take home more than me per month. But he also pays his course fees (about 6k / year for two years).

So basically, he wants you to subsidise him.  Great that he's retraining.  But he is not subsidising you.  He is not financially supporting you.  He is helping you save money, but not at any loss to himself.  You are saving him money because it's always cheaper to share expenses than run two separate households, and if you moved out he would have to pay more (as would you), unless as others have said he then rents out half his bed to someone else.

Still no clear explanation from him as to why he won't tell you how much the council tax and service charge are so you can pay half, unless it's that he knows this "rent" plan is unreasonable.

mlz1413

dollypug123 said:

Hi everyone! Again thank you for your replies. 

To clarify the financial situation: I earn about 4k more than he does per year (both quite low earners) This is because he is retraining (hence the course). We have a similar amount of money saved each (<15k). Before I moved in I was paying 650 / month in rent (not including bills). He wants me to pay him 350 / month in rent (not including bills) -- half of what his friend pays because it's half of the space. We are in our mid thirties. 

Originally your concern was that he wouldn't tell you the cost of the bills he wanted you to pay rent to cover.

My concern is that you moved in on the agreement to pay your share of the bills and then when he has a course to pay for he changes the goal post.

Imo I would only agree to pay the rent with a lodgers agreement because otherwise one argument and you could be homeless. 

So He has decided to re-train, was that before he met you? So he did it knowing the costs?  

When he earns more than you will the rent agreement change?

If you two decide you don't want the existing lodger will it be you who has to cover that lost income for him?

If you do pay him rent and bills then you also need a rota of household duties between the 3 of you, because it is an arrangement and not a  relationship and needs rules.  Otherwise next time your partner wants something he will change the goalposts to suit him.

FlorayG

dollypug123 said:

He wants me to pay him 350 / month in rent (not including bills) -- half of what his friend pays because it's half of the space. We are in our mid thirties. 

So the friend living there pays 1/3 of the bills as well as his rent (same arrangement)? I bet he doesn't. Because if you pay rent AND part of the bills that's not lodgings, that's shared costs and there aren't any rental costs if he owns the flat outright.
It's not 'half the space'. The friend has his own room and you don't. Also if he's talking about rent-for-space that's lodgings and he can't ask you to contribute to bills as well
Your partner wants to have his cake and eat it.
From the responses here it's clear that 90% of respondents think it's not on to ask you to pay rent

MeteredOut

dollypug123 said:

Hi everyone! Again thank you for your replies. 

To clarify the financial situation: I earn about 4k more than he does per year (both quite low earners) This is because he is retraining (hence the course). We have a similar amount of money saved each (<15k). Before I moved in I was paying 650 / month in rent (not including bills). He wants me to pay him 350 / month in rent (not including bills) -- half of what his friend pays because it's half of the space. We are in our mid thirties. 

Have you pointed out that his friend gets his own room whereas you have to share it with someone, who in the eyes of many here, is is a selfish ***

It's interesting that you mention ages as mid thirties. Based on his asks, I'd have guessed you were both in your twenties.

WIAWSNB

dollypug123 said:

To clarify the financial situation: I earn about 4k more than he does per year (both quite low earners) This is because he is retraining (hence the course). We have a similar amount of money saved each (<15k). Before I moved in I was paying 650 / month in rent (not including bills). He wants me to pay him 350 / month in rent (not including bills) -- half of what his friend pays because it's half of the space. We are in our mid thirties. 

His friend is paying him around £700pm? So that'll be, what, around £8k pa, which is over the tax-payable threhold for a rent-a-bedroom scheme of £7.5k? Add your rent to this, and it'll be clearly into taxable territory.

Anyway, that's besides the point. As is his 'training' - which is all for him, and he can afford it.

The question here is really about the morals involved. 

This would actually be simpler to judge if the guy did have a mortgage, becuase if you moved in with him as a partner and contributed regular sums - over and above shared living expenses - this could be implied/claimed to be contributions towards his mortgage, and then it can become murkly on break-up, and from a quick Google, possibly challengable. It will surely cetainly leave intense bad feeling.

And even if it wasn't challengeable, can you imagine the feelings on break-up?! "Not only am I back to square one, and need to find somewhere to live, and with less savings than I could have had, but my ex is better off than before, having had some of their mortgage paid off, with my help! Argh!" 

Hence the best advice I've seen on here with 'moving in together when only one partner has the mortgage' scenarios is to split the living costs 50:50, but pay any resulting savings into a separate account, named - if you want - 'our future'. Once they marry, everything is shared. But if the relationship doesn't work out, then the partner leaves with their wee nest egg, and it helps them start a new life.

What you don't want on break-up is any additional antagonism, or challenge, or guilt, or feeling wrong-done by.

So, if a mortgage was involved here, the situation would seem more clear, in my eyes. In this case, there isn't even a mortgage, so the guy is simply 'earning' money from you.

Dolly, what do you think about this (we largely know), but why?

And what do you make of the fact that he won't reveal some basic info about his living costs?

What does your gut tell you?

FlorayG

WIAWSNB said:

dollypug123 said:

To clarify the financial situation: I earn about 4k more than he does per year (both quite low earners) This is because he is retraining (hence the course). We have a similar amount of money saved each (<15k). Before I moved in I was paying 650 / month in rent (not including bills). He wants me to pay him 350 / month in rent (not including bills) -- half of what his friend pays because it's half of the space. We are in our mid thirties. 

His friend is paying him around £650pm not including bills? So that'll be, what, around £8k pa, which is over the tax-payable threhold for a rent-a-bedroom scheme of £7.5k? Add your rent to this, and it'll be clearly into taxable territory.

Clearly that's not what the OP said

Section62

Sapindus said:

dollypug123 said:

*with his friend's monthly contribution he does take home more than me per month. But he also pays his course fees (about 6k / year for two years).

...

Still no clear explanation from him as to why he won't tell you how much the council tax and service charge are so you can pay half, unless it's that he knows this "rent" plan is unreasonable.

I wonder if his reluctance over the council tax might be he is claiming the single occupier discount and doesn't want the OP to find out [what a shady character he sounds to be]?

WIAWSNB

FlorayG said:

WIAWSNB said:

dollypug123 said:

To clarify the financial situation: I earn about 4k more than he does per year (both quite low earners) This is because he is retraining (hence the course). We have a similar amount of money saved each (<15k). Before I moved in I was paying 650 / month in rent (not including bills). He wants me to pay him 350 / month in rent (not including bills) -- half of what his friend pays because it's half of the space. We are in our mid thirties. 

His friend is paying him around £650pm not including bills? So that'll be, what, around £8k pa, which is over the tax-payable threhold for a rent-a-bedroom scheme of £7.5k? Add your rent to this, and it'll be clearly into taxable territory.

Clearly that's not what the OP said

Thanks. Corrected from '£650 not including bills', to 'around £700pm'. So from ~£8k pa to ~£8k pa. :-p