Recently widowed and lost with finances

HeadWobble99

My Husband passed 3 years ago, suddenly and traumatic, we were also fighting the LEA on my youngests EHCP, so after doing the essentials I reached burnout, I never sorted my finances and I'm feeling totally over whelmed. 

I don't work due to physical disability, I also care for 3 Autistic young adults. We get no help from social services or anything like that, we have asked and got nowhere, they told me because I'm not on benefits I can pay for help.
My kids all need help managing things but they all went through mainstream school so aren't considered disabled enough.

My husband had a good job, and life insurance which we are living off but it's going down fast, we are living beyond our means.
We are mortgage free so compared to a lot of young widows I realise I am lucky.
I and one son get PIP and I get carers allowance for him, that's my only income. I need to apply for PIP for the other 2.
The 2 eldest get ESA, and I've recently put in a claim for the 3rd since they left college.  

I'm just looking at my direct debits and the urge to put the laptop away and abandon it again were strong, but this time I thought I would come here for guidance, the problem is things are in my late husbands name and I don't have any of his passwords.

My house insurance is way too high because it's been left to renew for a few years, and I have no idea how to access it to change it, I rang them when he died but they were less than helpful. 

We also have premium bonds in the kids names, possibly ours too and the company told me they couldn't find them. But they sent my youngest a check for 'winnings' so I know they definitely still exist! My husband would have told me if he withdrew any of them.

I get letters about shares I've not done anything with and I also found a card for an online bank account in his name that I don't have access to, it could be empty for all I know or he could have savings in there. It's like Shrodingers bank account.

My monthly water bill is £70 which seems extortionate! We're not on a meter. 

I know I should tackle all this just one bit at a time but I can't help looking at it all and just don't know where to start. So any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

eskbanker

At the risk of asking the obvious, do you have any family or friends who could help you with all this?  Who was your husband's executor?

LHW99

What a difficult time.

A first step you could consider would be to make a list (paper / PC?) of a) what you know you have coming in / how much / where from b) what you think you may possibly have and have some evidence of - letters, A/C numbers, old paperwork and c) what are the important things you have to spend on - utilities, insurances, food etc.

When you have that, you could try a benefits calculator

https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators and see if you could be entitled to additional help moneywise.

I belief the debt-free wannabe board here is very helpful, and may give you some ideas for balancing the budget

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/debt-free-wannabe

Brie

Sorry for your loss and so sorry that things don't seem to be getting any easier for you.  

Personally I would start off by looking at his will, if he had one, and his death certificate.  Those 2 are the key to unlocking access to many things.  

Then as LHW has suggested make a list of where you pay money to - the direct debits and standing orders should all be shown on any bank statements you have but you may need to go back a full year to find all the info you need.

Then you need to start ringing all the places you pay money to.  Either find the direct number for their bereavement department or ask to be put through to them.  Those departments normally know exactly what's required to help you sort things out, get things into your name etc.  Once things are in your name you can look at what needs to be changed - i.e. you shopping for the best deals in insurance, gas, electric etc.  

Also check to see if there are other bank accounts anywhere - My Lost Account.  You might want to do this for not just your husband but also the children and yourself.  It's possible that things might not previously been easily traced due to changes in the family's address.  Again - once you know there's an account talk to that bank's bereavement team.  

re the water bill - is there something about any of you that means you need to use more water than is standard?  extra washing needed etc?  The water companies are normally very helpful about these situations and may be able to put you on to a set "standard" monthly amount rather than being based on actual use should you get on to a meter.  I'm aware that many familes that do go on to a meter have their bills drop drastically but where there is a special need this will be compensated.

And yes do head over to the debt free board.  We like to help people if we can!!!

sausage_time

So sorry about your loss and the situation you find yourself in.  Gread advice above, and this page has some useful advice (towards the end probably most relevant for you I think)

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/

Albermarle

HeadWobble99 said:

My Husband passed 3 years ago, suddenly and traumatic, we were also fighting the LEA on my youngests EHCP, so after doing the essentials I reached burnout, I never sorted my finances and I'm feeling totally over whelmed. 

I don't work due to physical disability, I also care for 3 Autistic young adults. We get no help from social services or anything like that, we have asked and got nowhere, they told me because I'm not on benefits I can pay for help.
My kids all need help managing things but they all went through mainstream school so aren't considered disabled enough.

My husband had a good job, and life insurance which we are living off but it's going down fast, we are living beyond our means.
We are mortgage free so compared to a lot of young widows I realise I am lucky.
I and one son get PIP and I get carers allowance for him, that's my only income. I need to apply for PIP for the other 2.
The 2 eldest get ESA, and I've recently put in a claim for the 3rd since they left college.  

I'm just looking at my direct debits and the urge to put the laptop away and abandon it again were strong, but this time I thought I would come here for guidance, the problem is things are in my late husbands name and I don't have any of his passwords.

My house insurance is way too high because it's been left to renew for a few years, and I have no idea how to access it to change it, I rang them when he died but they were less than helpful. 
This is important to sort out . It is quite possible that if you needed to claim on it, they would refuse to pay as he is still the insured party. So quite possibly the insurance is being paid for but you are not covered.
Plus as you say if nobody has shopped around for insurance for e few year, the premium will have gone up a lot.

We also have premium bonds in the kids names, possibly ours too and the company told me they couldn't find them. But they sent my youngest a check for 'winnings' so I know they definitely still exist! My husband would have told me if he withdrew any of them.
With the cheque would have been some paperwork, with account numbers etc . So you should be able to use this to trace the account.

I get letters about shares I've not done anything with and I also found a card for an online bank account in his name that I don't have access to, it could be empty for all I know or he could have savings in there. It's like Shrodingers bank account.

My monthly water bill is £70 which seems extortionate! We're not on a meter. Without a meter, the bill is based approximately on the value/size of the house. So it sounds like you have a big house. Probably havinga  water meter installed ( they are free usually) should save some money.

I know I should tackle all this just one bit at a time but I can't help looking at it all and just don't know where to start. So any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

Some good advice in the previous posts, but I have added a few pointers to your post as well.

BrilliantButScary

I think these might be useful to you, and hopefully there is one in your area.

https://capuk.org/get-help

Do you have a hospice near you that offers bereavement support? Our local hospice operates a well being cafe, where you can drop in and they can either provide you with support, or signpost you to the support you need. This can be bereavement counselling, but also help with practical things like budgeting, debt etc

I also think you might find the following organisation helpful.

https://www.autism.org.uk/

Is this the process you followed to try to track premium bond accounts?

https://www.nsandi.com/help/lost-touch-with-nsandi/track-lost-investments

I think if you feel confident in applying for PIP for the two young adults that don't currently get it, I would crack on with that. The sooner it is applied for the sooner it will be in payment. It's a win win.

You've got this, the hardest step is reaching out and asking for help.

butterflymum

You mention living off life assurance, but no mention of widow's and possibly dependants pensions (for the children/young adults, depending on scheme). As you say your late husband had a good job, did he have any such pension provision that you may have overlooked? 

As others have said, and as you have no doubt realised yourself, you are doing the right thing in facing up to having to deal with so much that until now, you have avoided. Just as you have done on the forum here, do not be afraid to also ask for help in real life too, from trusted friends and/or from professionals or voluntary agencies. 

Throughout all of this it is important that you look after your own wellbeing too. Groups/organisations such as:

https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/

https://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/support-for-you/family-life/bereavement-support/widowed-young-support/

and others, may be able to offer support.

boingy

It's natural for it all to feel overwhelming. Try not to think of it as one big problem. Your last sentence is the key: "one bit at a time". Pick of a couple of easy ones and go from there. For me, two obvious ones on there are the insurance and water.

Phone the insurance company and ask to speak to their bereavement team. Get the existing policy changed to your name then when renewal comes along you are in control. Try one of the the comparison sites for a new policy - the meerkats, confused.com etc.

Phone the water company and explain the problem. A water meter will almost certainly save you money unless you are using a crazy amount of water.

Whenever you are speaking to banks, utilities and similar always ask for their bereavement team. They are very familiar with common problems like not being able to access accounts because they are in a late partner's name and emails/passwords are no longer accessible.

It won't all be smooth sailing but I promise you that once you have sorted a couple of things out you'll start to feel more in control. One bit at a time...

And, as an aside, your post has prompted me to do what I've been meaning to do for a long time. I run the household finances and deal with all of the utilities, which are increasingly online-only and thus invisible to my wife. So tomorrow I will make a list of all the big stuff. It won't be complete and bits of it will go out of date but it would give her a darned good starting point.

Newly_retired

Just to add to the excellent advice already given, it is a good idea to keep a notebook to jot down your dealings with each bank, utility etc you speak to: date, name, what was agreed etc. with so much to cope with it is easy to lose track.

If you can get help from Citizens Advice or your council’s advice centre, concentrate on Benefits. You might find you are entitled to Council Tax discount as well. 

J63320

Newly_retired said:

Just to add to the excellent advice already given, it is a good idea to keep a notebook to jot down your dealings with each bank, utility etc you speak to: date, name, what was agreed etc. with so much to cope with it tis easy to lose track.

If you can get help from Citizens Advice or your council’s advice centre, concentrate on Benefits. You might find you are entitled to Council Tax discount as well. 

When my husband died, I started a ring binder file with dividers, and I had a section for each organisation I had to deal with. Many organisations sent letters, and this gave me somewhere to file them. I also printed out emails etc. because I found it easier to deal with everything on paper rather than some paper and some online - I don’t know about you, but it takes me ages to find things in a list of computer files or a folder full of emails. I could also write my own notes on the letters I’d received or add some sheets of my own to say what I’d done or who I’d spoken to. 

Then as time went on I had a second file into which I moved all the “completed” sections - it was good to see this one filling up as I dealt with everything.