Money Moral Dilemma: Should we offer to pay towards my in-laws' flights from Australia?

sclare

If they decide that they can't afford the flights, how much will it cost you for childcare over that period? 
That is the amount you should offer towards their flight. If it's not enough, hopefully they can afford the balance. 

bikaga

Tealeaf24 said:

Tealeaf24 said:

ButterCheese said:

I probably won't look at this again, so I'll just say this.

The fact is that you can't afford their air fares anymore, which is fine.  Just tell them that.  They can then decide if they still want to come over.  If they do, and by saving money on childcare you can save up a bit, just offer them what you can towards it when they go back.

I'd also add, these are your in-laws so what is your other half saying about the whole thing?  That should be decided between you two first, and he should be having the conversation with his parents.  It is not only down to the mum to sort out everything domestic.  You should both be deciding what you can afford as a family and he should be discussing that with his parents

I'm not sure why you assume that the children's mother or stepmother is the parent who wrote in.

And I've just noticed the name of the forum group.

True that. But the partner could also be a woman, and there's plenty of dudes on Mumsnet. Best not to assume anything

bikaga

Honesty is the best policy - explain the situation to them. Also try thinking longer-term: Is this year particularly bad for you (e.g. one partner having been off work for some time for whatever reason), or will it likely continue? Will you be able to afford childcare if they don't come over? Are there other grandparents who could cover some of the childcare? etc.

Jos55

Relationships with loving grandparents are priceless for your children. Good grandparents can off wisdom, stability and love to your children, as well as a lot of fun.

Open and honest conversations are also priceless within families. I suggest you discuss this with your partner first, do the maths, etc. Then perhaps in a zoom meeting with the grandparents, once you have decided that you will both be speaking from the same page.

They are the people you should be speaking to, not total strangers who know nothing of your true situation.

jenniewb

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Each summer, my retired in-laws come over from Australia to spend a couple of months with our two sons while they're on school holidays. As we put them up the whole time, we don't have to pay for any childcare or summer camps. In previous years, we've also paid for their flights, but we really can't afford to this year. Should we tell them that and hope they'll pay for themselves, or offer to pay at least something towards their flights given what we'll save on childcare if they do come?

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I'd wonder what has been said before this point, because I don't see where you've asked them and they've said no or refused to visit. It would be fair enough to ask them, they can only say yes/no and though it's a change to the previous assumed agreement you can at any point just ask them to pay for their own ticket. You could explain your financial situation if you were comfortable to but you couldn't feel obliged to share all to justify asking them to pay for their own ticket.

If I were visiting someone I'd pay for my ticket, if I went away to join a friend for their wedding or birthday- or even if your child's friend had a birthday, you wouldn't expect the other parent, friend or married couple to foot the bill for your journey, those who do book far away places usually do so under the full acknowledgement for example that they'd experience a lot of declined invites because not everyone could afford the ticket. 

Just ask them, if they say no then take it from there, but it's fair enough to ask them to afford their own ticket even if you could afford it. If you could afford it then it would be a nice gesture but isn't something I think anyone would expect- not unless you were buying their time (as in; employing them for the duration). But it's also worth noting that if someone has a cleaner or a carer they don't pay the travel to/from their attendance so even if you were buying their time there would still be no obligation or expectation to pay their air tickets. Ask, come to a decision, it is fair enough to expect them to pay their own way. 

Laaalaaa

You can't afford the flights and need to prioritise your children. I assume you provide free accommodation (your house), more food in the fridge etc and they get to spend time with their grandchildren that they rarely see. The in laws should pay for the flights. If they're annoyed that you're not giving them an all expenses paid holiday, then I wouldn't invite them to stay.

CapeTown

Stop being so bloody British about this. Tell them you cannot afford to pay for all of it this year. Look if I lived in Austr, I would be clamouring to visit the UK for the summer and spend time with the grandchildren. That said , you are not paying for childcare or holiday camps this year if they do come. I would suggest full and frank conversation and for next year put money aside on a monthly basis for scenarios such as this. 

silvercar

By the grandparents coming to the UK, it saves you an expensive trip to Australia - or were you planning on never seeing them again?

As a whole family you need to look at ways of staying in touch, who travels is less important than making sure you do actually meet up.

If they have made the effort to come all this way, the least you can do is have them to stay for free. Saying they have free B&B is churlish, they’ve only made the trip because you are the other side of the world. 

JeaneyB

Flights are very expensive from the UK to Aussy (or visa versa) I know because I have visited my son  4 times, for 3 weeks at a time, in the 12 years he's been living there ...it takes me 3 yrs to save for the holiday...living costs are extortionate in Aus too...while there I insisted on paying for the whole of the shopping...he did all the cooking (he's a trained chef) I didn't have to look after children, just 2 dogs while he and his partner were working...they both were home by just after lunch each day....then they would take me out and about and pay for everything on the trips
I wouldn't be too happy if all I was going on holiday for was to look after grandchildren full time, even if they do get on well.  As you get older you don't have the same ''get up and go'' I would need a holiday after that kind of holiday....it takes a good few days to recover from the long haul flights
All 4 adults should be having the conversation on who pays for what, shouldn't be asking strangers to decide for you as each family circumstances are different

DangerousDaveDur

I can't even take your question seriously. 'Summer camps' and financially Incentivizing grandparents to spend time with their grandchildren. You obviously live in a very different world to me.