Money Moral Dilemma: I booked a trip with a friend but her fiancé won't let her come - what do I do?

LabLady19

silvercar said:

I’d call him threatening to leave a result! A red flag for so many reasons. Every time he doesn’t get his own way, he’s going to ‘threaten to leave her’!!!!

Couldn't agree more!

Hodgie

It looks like you’ve got to suffer the open-wallet surgery alone and put it down to experience.
It will be a lesson for you but nothing compared to the controlling and bullying your friend will be subject to, if she doesn’t either put her foot down or get rid.
I would dump them both.

Shell1989

1. That girl is not a friend anymore, people change, she has, let her go.

2. Tell her you expect her to pay her half, or find a replacement mutual friend to swap with at no cost to you, whether she comes or not.

3. If all else fails, go on the holiday by yourself, take the financial hit and then learn from this. Never book on people’s words alone, ask for the money up front and then book once it’s all in hand, 

Seems a sad way to have to live, but this is the reality. Even with best friends.

Southendormargate

The answer is obvious. Time to bin him. This is not 1940

Grumpy_chap

Jm2207 said:

The fact that there is a domestic abuse helpline under this dilemma tells you everything. 

This ^^^^^

bikaga

See if you can get a coffee with her and ask her if he's always that controlling. If money is your main issue with this situation, then you need to open your eyes.

Jos55

Seems that both you and her fiance are attempting to control your friend.

After what happened last year, surely you should have okayed the booking and made sure that your friend was absolutely aware of the financial commitment that you were BOTH making? Or did you think that by booking the holiday without her that she would be steamrollered into going?

Looks like there are three of you currently in the relationship and one of you needs to bow out gracefully.

Obviously, if she had any sense she would tell the fiance that she wasn't going to allow him to threaten her. 

All the red flags are there but for now all you can do it step back, while being ready to pick up the pieces eventually. Although when that will happen depends upon her.

The fiance is exhibiting sociopath behaviour, it's the nature of the beast and she would be much better off ending it now but it's her business, not yours.

How about suggesting that the fiance should pay her half for now, rather than expecting you to carry the can?

Miosotis

Very simple, your friend pays her part and you have the room for yourself! If you wish you take another friend with you, but you won't be out of pocket! Why would you bear all the costs since she didn't tell you that she didn't want to go? And if you lose her as a friend, well, she wasn't a friend to start with!!!!! 

Erica51

You’ve lost a friend.  They’re not yet married and she’s already being controlled.  She should dump him but if she won’t, dump her and tell her you’re ready  to support her when or if she leaves him.

Angelica123

The fiancé is controlling. The biggest issue here is how to navigate supporting a friend who you suspect might be in an abusive relationship. That's beyond the scope of MSE but telling a friend to leave a partner is never the solution (because they will only ever leave when they are ready to and in meantime they become socially isolated). 

It's unclear from post how much you involved your friend with planning before you booked everything. In all honesty, even though it seems cheaper, I rarely book non- refundable holidays because you never know what might happen. Also I find it useful to book hotels and then monitor prices as sometimes good deals come last minute. Could you still go on the holiday on your own? Or bring someone with you? Can you try to see if you cancel or change the holiday package? In all honesty, if her fiancé is that controlling, he's likely going to prevent her from paying you anything.