Bank withdrew O/D today from us,with no warning, we are almost penniless!

bestpud

weisskint wrote: »

i'm not suggesting in any way that anything anyone said was incorrect factually, or unhelpful, i was commenting on the way in which the other posters seemed to immedidiatly attack the OP, with very little tact or consideration of thier feelings.

I've just re-read the thread and I don't read it like that at all. THere are certainly no immediate attacks by anyone, although the OP almost immediately became very defensive when it was pointed out how the banks are NOT taking food from her children.

Or do you feel the banks are taking food from these childrens' mouths?

Yes its vital that honest opinions are given, but i think somtimes people forget just how upsetting can be to find yourself in a desperate situation that you have no idea how your going to get out of.

That is why the comments were made! The OP needs to contact the bank and if they do so in the same emotive manner they have used in here, they will likely get nowhere. This was pointed out as a means of helping teh OP take a step back and see how their distress, while understandable, needs channelling into constructive action rather than ridiculous accusations.

It was clear that the OP was very upset and distressed, and i don't understand why some people find in neccessary to kick people when they are already down.

Nobody has asfar as I can see. If the OP does not learn from this then they will be in the very same position again within a very short space of time. Denial is not a helpful response and the reality of the situation has been pointed out. Of course, the OP may not want to accept their role in this just yet ...

I think several of the posters on this thread lack basic social interaction skills. It is possible to offer sensible advice, and point out where someone may be at fault, at the same time as being sympathetic and kind.

I really don;t see how 'there, there, those naughty banks, I don't know how you cope' posts are going to help the OP get out of this situation which, I am sure you will agree, requires immediate action on their part.

OP - maybe you could ring a few friends as they will probably provide the soothing words while people in here do what this forum is designed for?

RayWolfe

weisskint wrote: »

i'm not suggesting in any way that anything anyone said was incorrect factually, or unhelpful, i was commenting on the way in which the other posters seemed to immedidiatly attack the OP, with very little tact or consideration of thier feelings.
<snip>
It is possible to offer sensible advice, and point out where someone may be at fault, at the same time as being sympathetic and kind.

No one has attacked anyone here.

It is also possible that, in the past, many people have been so sympathetic and kind that it has lead people to ignore the "sensible advice" part.

EDIT: Crossed with the above post!

BallandChain

darich wrote: »

I haven't read the OP's other threads or posts and as i read this thread, i had to scroll back up to see if i had missed anything when others were quoting 26k of debt, 200 per month for cigarettes etc.

The OP claims it isn't helpful digging up old info. That may be true up to a point but not giving us the info that others found out is misleading.

Claiming that you're struggling with your overdraft and the bank is taking money from your kids' mouths is VERY misleading if you're spending 200 per month on cigarettes but also paying subscription to unnecessary luxuries like Sky+ and gym memberships.
"Forgetting" that you've got a large debt with the bank is also misleading because the response you get from these knowledgable posters would probably be very different had they all known you were in such debt.

Like i said i haven't read any other posts by the OP and realise the situation may have changed now from that when the debts and expenditure were posted.

I would also point out to the OP that having read this whole thread i did not feel that any of the posters had a dig at you or made fun in their response. I felt it was all true, factual and to the point.
Money, or more precisely, a lack of it, can be an emotive subjuect so i would suggest that if you receive advice here, you don't take it personally because I've yet to see any wrong or poor advice given deliberately.

I had to scroll up too as I didn't recall the OP mentioning how all this debt had accrued. I find it astonishing that people get themselves into dire straits and bring children into it.

OP said:

'I KNOW it's not our money but we haven't even had the chance to budget accordingly'

She acknowledges its not their money and yet hasn't budgetted when the debt escalated. When would be a good time to budget? At £5,000 debt, £15,000 no, at £25,000 worth of debt that's for sure. And only when the bank took the overdraft away!

'Not all of us have gotten into debt through frivilous spending...don't assume that because for us, you will be mistaken!!!!'

Hmmm interesting.

weisskint

BallandChain wrote: »

I had to scroll up too as I didn't recall the OP mentioning how all this debt had accrued. I find it astonishing that people get themselves into dire straits and bring children into it.

OP said:

'I KNOW it's not our money but we haven't even had the chance to budget accordingly'

She acknowledges its not their money and yet hasn't budgetted when the debt escalated. When would be a good time to budget? At £5,000 debt, £15,000 no, at £25,000 worth of debt that's for sure. And only when the bank took the overdraft away!

'Not all of us have gotten into debt through frivilous spending...don't assume that because for us, you will be mistaken!!!!'

Hmmm interesting.

Oh for goodness sake, give the poor woman a break! She has debts, like many many people do! But at least she is facing up to it and doing something about it but its a slow process!

What do you mean by "I find it astonishing that people get themselves into dire straits and bring children into it."???????????

jonesMUFCforever

Perhaps the OP should be given the opportunity to post a statement of affairs - updated so we can see if they have really changed their ways.

To other posters who may want to post on here or any public internet forum - if you don't want to hear/read the truth or read about BOTH sides of the argument it is probably best if you don't post at all.

BallandChain

weisskint wrote: »

Oh for goodness sake, give the poor woman a break! She has debts, like many many people do! But at least she is facing up to it and doing something about it but its a slow process!

What do you mean by "I find it astonishing that people get themselves into dire straits and bring children into it."???????????

She is only facing up to her debts since the bank closed the overdraft, not because she is disciplined and facing up to it before it got to this.

I thought it was obvious what I meant. She is saying the bank is taking food out of her kids mouths by the bank taking away the BANK'S money. How low can you go! Amazing the amount of times I hear people bring kids into the equation to garner sympathy.

bestpud

weisskint wrote: »

Oh for goodness sake, give the poor woman a break! She has debts, like many many people do! But at least she is facing up to it and doing something about it but its a slow process!

Allegedly

What do you mean by "I find it astonishing that people get themselves into dire straits and bring children into it."???????????

I think this poster means the OP has smoked and entertained themselves into a financial quagmire, spending by the seat of their pants for a long while. And now the day of reckoning has come they are very quick to play the 'I've got hungry children who will starve line' rather than truly face up to the poition they themselves have placed their children in.

I am sure the author of said post will say if I am way off with this interpretation.

bestpud

BallandChain wrote: »

She is only facing up to her debts since the bank closed the overdraft, not because she is disciplined and facing up to it before it got to this.

I thought it was obvious what I meant. She is saying the bank is taking food out of her kids mouths by the bank taking away the BANK'S money. How low can you go! Amazing the amount of times I hear people bring kids into the equation to garner sympathy.

Oh sorry, cross posted - I wasn't far out though!

exel1966

Until the OP can TRULY face up to and admit the reasons for her current quandry no amount of GOOD advice provided here advice is going to hit home.

I'd suggest moving over to the DFW board where you'll also find good advice and all the sympathy you can muster, but being wrapped up in cotton wool doesn't really solve anything does it !

bestpud

exel1966 wrote: »

Until the OP can TRULY face up to and admit the reasons for her current quandry no amount of GOOD advice provided here advice is going to hit home.

I'd suggest moving over to the DFW board where you'll also find good advice and all the sympathy you can muster, but being wrapped up in cotton wool doesn't really solve anything does it !

This thread certainley brings out the 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus theory in that all the sympathy comes from the women, whereas the practical useful advice comes form the men

How can you tell who is male/female?

I'm female btw.