Teetering on the brink

HampshireH

Could you approach them and see about a secondment? Giving them the chance to see how you do but more importantly for you a chance to give it a go and return to your substantive post if your not feeling supported / all those things why someone else has left comes up?

If they have a retention issue in the team they may jump on this option

EatingBeans

I am sure you are right - they would probably jump at the option of secondment - but I cannot see how that would help me in this circumstance? The fact that a couple of you have said this makes me think I am missing something? 🤔

My biggest issue is not being able to test out a job - people are forever giving me work above my grade. My issue is that I can never secure the permanent roles. I already have the experience and I know that I would hate it but sometimes you just have to do something you don’t like in order to get to the next step though right? I mean I don’t particularly like the job I am doing now so at least by taking that job I would be paid more. 

OpalGirl

EatingBeans said:

The more I think about it, the more I think I have to go for it, but that might mean trying to also convince management that I really do want the job when I have spent the last 3 years telling them I don’t want to be a Business Analyst! Including point blank refusing to step in as one when they were short staffed in that area, even when practically begged by senior leadership. 😬 I guess all I can do is apply and see what happens. 

If anyone raises the issue you could just say that circumstances/priorities have changed (eg children are now older - doesn't matter if this isn't the true reason, they are not going to know that) and explain you are now in a position to fully commit to the role, emphasizing your skills, experience and qualifications and how they align to the requirements of the position.

Andyjflet

I am a business analyst for a major bank, I work remotely but prefer to go to the office when I can, I struggle with my MH when at home all day and evening.
Its tough going at the moment, we are in a period when government cuts are causing ripples in the industry, NI increases means job losses too. I dont know what I want to do but I have ten years left in employment. 

EatingBeans

Not a great couple of days. 

Ridiculously busy at work and struggling health wise. Knowing I had today off but things were going to move on regardless, I found myself still sending e-mails at gone 10pm last night. I am just plain exhausted. 

Between the busyness of work and side effects of the tablets, the housework (and to a certain extent self-care), had just stopped happening. So, with the surveyor due to measure up for the new window today, this morning was a morning of cleaning. Two things stuck me with this. The first being that having looked up from my desk I realised just how bad the house had got - it was truly grim - the second was how much I really wasn’t well enough to keep on top of it at the moment. 

The takeaways have crept back in over the past week, (mainly because there is not a clean plate in the house, but also because I have been too tired to stand long enough to cook), and I’ve even stopped checking my bank accounts. 😢

I realised I need help. I am not the sort to admit that very easily, (I am known for been downright stubbornly independent), but even I had to admit I have not been coping well with the Trigeminal Neuralgia and medication side effects lately, and this week was a tipping point for me. 

Thankfully, the surveyor wasn’t due until the afternoon, so I did short bursts of 10 minutes on some of the worst areas, and sat down in between to catch my breath/stop for the pain. By the time the guy arrived I would still have considered the house to be in a dirty state but I had at least got rid of the health hazards. 😞 It says something that even the complete stranger asked me if I was ok after we had just walked up and down the stairs once, and I was completely out of breath. I had to sit down. Something is clearly not right. Exhausted doesn’t do it justice. 

Once he left I sat and pondered what to do to help myself. I decided that despite the cost, what I really needed in my life was some sort of cleaner/carer type help and I started the process of getting a cleaner. The way I thought about it is if I can have someone help me with the cleaning, I can focus the energy I do have on meal prep and cooking healthy meals, which in turn will make me feel better. Realistically, I end up spending just as much on takeaways if I am not well as I would on a cleaner, and then I just end up living in a dirty house and feeling rubbish from takeaways I don’t even enjoy. So, cleaner it is.

However, I wasn’t expecting the dd’s reaction to the thought of getting a cleaner in to be quite so negative. Both were strongly opposed. There was some puzzlement over why I would spend money on it when on the other hand I am desperately trying to save money, but when I explained how much I am struggling, they totally got it. End result, they got me to write down a list of all the jobs I would have asked the cleaner to do, and dd2 has took on the job! They already both do their fair share and rarely complain about anything, so I wasn’t going to let her just do it for nothing, and we settled on her doing it all once a week and for half the price of the cleaner. The pair of them did something similar when I was really ill with covid last year and it worked out pretty well for all. I never want them to feel burdened with taking care of me (especially at just 43yrs old!), but since dd2 would like more cash to fund going out a bit more with her friends and buying a few clothes etc and she is struggling to find a real job, it’s kind of a win win for the moment. 

Lord knows what I am going to do when I also have to fit in the apprenticeship. 🤦‍♀️ 

At least I have lots of annual leave coming up soon! 

And 🤞 the weather warms up, the TN eases, I can ease off the tablets, lose the side effects and get a few months of life in before the cycle starts again in the autumn. 😃

The way things are going though, I do think I need to seriously start considering how I can not only pay off the debt, but also end up mortgage free as close to 57 as possible so I can retire early. As it is I am not sure I am going to make it that long, but at least if I aim for it I have a chance. Pretending like I am going to be able to just keep working into my late 60’s is ridiculous. If I somehow manage to then it will be a bonus, but realistically the TN could even put me out of the workforce before I am 50 at this rate. 😕

EatingBeans

Andyjflet said:

I am a business analyst for a major bank, I work remotely but prefer to go to the office when I can, I struggle with my MH when at home all day and evening.
Its tough going at the moment, we are in a period when government cuts are causing ripples in the industry, NI increases means job losses too. I dont know what I want to do but I have ten years left in employment. 

Sorry to hear you are having tough time too @Andyjflet  I can totally relate to the MH issues from wfh too much and all the job losses sounds very unsettling. 😕 Fingers crossed for you that you manage to ride it out for your last 10years doing something that fits what you want/need. 🤞

I don’t know about you but I found just being a BA, especially in waterfall projects, is pretty depressing generally. It was constantly talking about peoples problems that started to get to me and was why I am not keen on the job. I like to solve problems but in my old BA role it was just so much listening, analysing and documenting of problems, always trying to avoid solutionizing. Then the requirements documents sit on the self for so long waiting for budget approval etc that by the time they build whatever it is, the world has moved on and it is no longer fit for purpose. 🤪 It is why I would like to be a Product Owner. That way, I get to be focused on the user but I also get to prioritise what’s important and deliver stuff that creates value. Just a pity that there is no such role as Product Owner where I work, just people employed as one thing but then acting as Product Owners! 🤦‍♀️

dawnybabes

Have you looked into PIP ? You can use the money to fund things to make life easier with your disability 

EatingBeans

Yes, I have looked at PIP but apparently it is incredibly difficult to get for Trigeminal Neuralgia and often people end up with zero points even if they can’t eave the house like me. Ironically, I also feel like I need to feel a bit better in order to have the energy to fight to get it. 🤦‍♀️

dawnybabes

Have you a local advocacy service ?  If you message me I can try and find you one ? It costs nothing to try ……

EatingBeans

Hi all, just to say I have not given up on the mission to clear the debt, I am just having a bit of a blip health wise and need that to settle a bit first. I suspect I may have a trapped nerve in my neck as well as the TN as now have pain in my neck, shoulder and pins and needles in my left arm in addition to the face pain. It is all scarily familiar as it just appears to be reverting to the level of pain I felt in the months directly after the car accident. It becomes all consuming so if I go a bit quieter than normal that is why. 

Needless to say I have not spent the weekend putting together my application for the new job as I am currently not even sure if I will make it in to work tomorrow so the idea of switching jobs right now is insane. As it is, I am debating calling 111 because it is all getting a bit much, but I am reluctant to do that because no doubt they will ask me to go sit in A&E for hours to ensure I am not having a heart attack. It’s bad enough being in pain at home, but sitting in the bright lights of A&E with all the chairs facing one way so every time the door opens I get blasted on my bad side with cold air, just isn’t fun. I just want to wait it out until I can ring the GP tomorrow. 🤞

The budget will have to wait. 😞